Our boys don't seem as bothered nearly as much about a disorderly/unclean bathroom as I do, but I rarely let it go very long before I straighten it up or wipe up the "yellow stuff." The boys will clean up when asked, so I don't want you to think they are totally lazy. They just aren't growing up as "latch key" kids like I did. :)
To keep the dishes in the kitchen put away and the bathroom in a moderate state of order and cleanliness, it requires DAILY attention. Otherwise, if it is left unattended for more than a few days, it can become disgusting and overflowing real fast. The mess compounds over time - as does other things in life - good or not so good.
Marriage is very similar - it requires DAILY attention. A little every day keeps things from growing cold, stale, or drifting too far. Most of the time, we don't see the "wear and tear" of neglect OR the fruit of our everyday investments right away. We one day "wake up" and see either a problem OR a great situation, depending on how much we invested in the relationship daily or not.
Adultery similarly doesn't 'just happen' - it is a gradual thing that happens as the result of neglect of purity, boundaries, emotions, spiritual growth, etc. It is preventable and most of us don't plan to cheat. However, many of us don't have a strategy to avoid it either. We simply live life unguarded and vulnerable to the seemingly "appealing" temptations that cross our path.
James 1:13-15...
13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone. 14But each one is tempted when by his own evil desires he is lured away and enticed. 15Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death.…
How is your marriage (or other key relationships)? Check your daily habits and "investments." What are you doing (or not doing) daily that has led to the current condition of your relationship - good or not so good?
Here are some things to consider doing regularly (things I know I need to do daily) to help your marriage grow and sustain the ups and downs of life....
- Have your own personal prayer and bible study time with the Lord - every morning!
- Work hard to grow, mature, improved - every day!
- Exercise (with or without your mate) regularly to stay fit and energetic
- Get good sleep.
- Own up to your mistakes daily. Confess (agree) and do your best to mend the damage. Don't resort to blame shifting or lying.
- Plan some kind of date night at least monthly, hopefully more often.
- Text or talk daily about life, how to better serve one another, etc.
- Spend quality time every day with each other - nothing fancy always, but personal contact of some kind every day.
- Pray with and for each other regularly.
- Stay faithful every day - this includes not viewing pornography, don't have inappropriate conversations with others, don't neglecting your mate as a habit, don't be hateful or harsh, don't be too isolated or distant from him/her, be careful about associating with people who will bring you down, etc.
- Give non-sexual affection often.
- Have sexual intimacy as often as you both need and value.
- Love your children well.
- Build up each other rather than tear down.
- Communicate often, openly, lovingly, and honestly - and try to have good timing with the hard talks - speak from the heart, plan your tone/words/thoughts, etc.
- Work on your friendship daily - have fun, enjoy each other.
- Take your relationship one day at a time - some days will be unpleasant, unproductive, and hard. Each day is a gift. Press on. Don't quit. Lean on the holy spirit. Start over tomorrow and be better each day. Learn from mistakes, value differences, celebrate victories, and forgive often.
These are just a few lessons I've learned. A little bit every day, compounded over time will either lead to great victories in your relationship or create and expose problems (check out Darren Hardy's book called The Compound Effect). Easy to do. Easy not to do. As Jeff Olson says.
I was a "loser" of a husband (overall, not totally) our first 12 to 15 years. I am hoping to be better our next 20 years!! It will take me investing daily. And vice versa.
