Career and Calling

I don't like the question, "What would you do for work (career) if money was not an issue?" I mean, I like the question because it kicks my brain into creative mode. However, money is a bit of an issue, so I get stuck in two different ways of thinking. With career, I swing between two extremes - Wanting to pursue something I believe would be fun, exciting, challenging, in my gift set, and honors God AND doing work that will help me pay bills that were due "yesterday." I don't want to "live to pay bills," but I also don't want to do work that feels "life less" or isn't at least 80% satisfying, makes a positive difference in the world, etc. I want "work and play" (and good provision) to be one in the same. A both/and sort of deal.

It's a daily battle I face. I am not saying that all of the work I do now is "life less," but I feel a bit scatter brained or pulled in numerous directions. I want to narrow my focus a bit and pick something to pursue. I don't want to do things half way. Sadly, it was a battle I faced BEFORE the fallout of 2011. Granted, it is different in most ways now, but it still often feels similar.

Some people seem to have a very clear direction for a career, pursue it, and thrive in it. Others seem to drift from job to job, career to career, never staying anywhere long. Both have their place. I fit somewhere in between them most days. As someone who has lost his job and career due to sin, I have to consider numerous factors when pursuing a job or career direction. I believe all followers of Christ need to consider many factors as well when choosing a career and/or company to work for. We all need to avoid being in places that dishonor God OR situations that can lead to habitual sin and compromise. Living in the world but not of the world can be a hard balance.  

Some factors I try to consider are:

• Will it be a job that puts me in compromising situations with females on a regular basis?
• Will I have to travel and stay in hotels often, being alone and away from my family regularly?
• Does the type of work trigger fears and concerns for Amy?
• Does the work schedule allow me flexibility, so I can make my marriage and family time a priority? 
• Does it provide well without forcing me to over work and be gone too much?
• Is the company a place of integrity and not hostile toward God or Christianity/Christian principles?

There are other factors to consider, but these are a few that come to mind. As I am praying about God's direction for my career and "calling," I weigh these out, while recognizing that I need to have boundaries and be abiding in Christ daily NO MATTER WHERE I WORK. Every day I wake up, I need to put on the armor of God and abide in His love and grace. I want to fill my mind with truth, stay close to Amy and my children, be transparent and honest with my accountability "brothers," and stay alert to the temptations around me.

My number one "calling" right now is to honor God in my marriage and love and lead my family. At the same time, I want to provide well for them and fully depend on God's leading. I don't feel like I am doing the best job I can at any of these. I desire to improve in all areas of my life, starting with my role as husband and father. The career "issue" comes up daily in my mind and tends to distract me often. I don't want it to stop me from being the best dad and husband I can be, though I have let it quite a bit this summer.

No matter how confused and lost I feel at times, I do know this: God is good and nothing can separate me from His love. He has proven that through all of this "mess." I hit rock bottom and caused an "earthquake," but He met me right there in the middle of it. He is a God who isn't afraid to get a bit "messy" with us. He's that determined to see us run to Him and stop running to the lies of the evil one. How amazing.
_________________________________________________________________________
Luke 15:4-7 (The Message) 

^4-7 “Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!’ Count on it—there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue.

Another Milestone

What a summer! Amy and I had, as I have said recently, one of the hardest summers of our marriage. It got so low, that both of us wondered if we could take much more. Well, despite my lack of belief and even some highly unpleasant prayers and "petitions," God came through. I don't know why I doubted, but He didn't let that stop Him. He also spoke to Amy last week on numerous occasions through various people and situations. He is very present and involved, even when we struggle to see Him. I stand in awe of Him today.

Three years ago today, I stood up in front of a church of 600+ in attendance and resigned from my position as minister to children. What an overwhelming, humbling, humiliating, and difficult experience that started the healing process. Three years later, I am still praying about lots of concerns, and we are still working through the healing process. However, Amy and I are very much in love and our friendship is deeper than ever before. Only God can do something like that. We sure don't take the credit for it.

We both still have concerns and a "wish" list of what we would like to see happen in our life, but overall we are grateful and seeing God's hand at work. I still have a long way to go, but I hope and pray that I have allowed God to have His way with my heart and life to this point. I don't want to stop abiding in Him, stop growing, stop maturing, or stop seeking Him and His wisdom.
_____________________________________________________________________  

Philippians 1:3-6,The Message (MSG)

Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God’s Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

Three Years Ago...

Today is the three year anniversary of our marriage earthquake. What was evil and deeply hurtful, God has used for good. It is a day that represents both darkness and freedom. The dark days are getting further away, though we still hit lows and valleys. They are lows and valleys that are about spiritual and emotional pruning that challenge us greatly, but God has strengthened us each time we got through it. 

Amy and I are closer than ever. God enabled us to experience more joy over the past week than we have in a while. Today was a stressful day with work and life's "to-do's" but we are still celebrating. I did not get to see or talk to Amy like I hoped today due to work, etc, but I am still overflowing with gratitude. God spoke to her and me last week in POWERFUL ways. He's good. The week before I had hit such a low place spiritually that I wasn't sure I would come out of it. What a mighty God we serve.

We aren't over "IT" but God is getting us THROUGH it. 

3 S's

I am finally (hopefully) ending my three month (or even three year) pity party. I have gone through the valley and am thankful it didn't get worse before God broke through my despair. Yesterday I was talking to a guy  who has similar struggles as me and realized that each day I have to fight against 3 S's that contradict God's truth and keep me stuck:

• Self-Hatred (Shame)
• Self-Pity (Despair)
• Self-Righteousness (Pride)

None of these emotions or beliefs lead to freedom, joy, peace, action, or obedience in Christ. When I hit bottom this summer, the first two S's were very present in my mindset and thinking. Instead of getting energized to work out of the "funk," I got de-energized and depressed. Until I surrendered to God and let Him fill me up with His delight, I remained stuck and was moving into more hopelessness and despair.

I realized that I didn't like myself or who I had been much of my life and who I was becoming. I let my past define who I was. I let my past determine how my future would be. That led to more self-hatred, anger, sadness, and self-pity.

Thank God for His relentless pursuit of us when we are "lost." He will not leave us in the far country, at least not for long. He is a good Shepherd. A good Father. An ever present help in our time of need.

As I was running this morning, I realized a powerful truth about the journey Amy and I have been on for the past three years, especially this very difficult summer. This thought came to my mind...

If God has walked with us through the deepest of valleys and has been with us each step of the way, then He will certainly be with us when we are on the mountain top.

When you hit bottom and can experience the love and grace of God, then your perspective can be radically changed. You no longer feel forsaken when you experience God's grace and presence in your darkest hours of life. This is what has happened to Amy and me. In some ways, it is still "raining" and the circumstances we are facing still exist, but something changed in our perspective. We have both wrestled with God this summer and walked away with a limp but also received a huge blessing.

Our marriage has survived yet another season of tremendous difficulty and witnessed the power of God on an even deeper level. Just when we thought we couldn't take much more, He poured out His grace and mercy and strengthened us in ways we can hardly comprehend. We may have faced some days where we thought we may not make it through, but He broke through our fading hope and showed us that He was still interested in keeping us together and thriving as a couple.


God is good even when our emotions say He is not. He is faithful even when we feel as if He is punishing us or holding out on us. He is gracious even when we feel forsaken. His love is not dependent on our actions or emotions. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts. He is the same yesterday, today and forevermore. He holds all things together.

I may not know how this is going to turn out or why it's happening, YET I WILL PRAISE YOU, LORD!

What an emotional and spiritual roller coaster I live on. If God can speak to and through me, then I know for a fact He can speak through and to just about anyone!

It's time to take action

It seems that everything I am listening to and reading lately is emphasizing "action." I have been reading, studying, listening to audios, and being filled up with truth and information for three years, but I haven't been as active as I'd like. I've been busy no doubt. BUT, It's time to act in accordance with His will and purposes, not just "survive" or face despair. I may have a limp, but at least I can still move forward!

It's time to walk in obedience, freedom, truth, joy, confidence, and hope. Jesus is calling me out of the boat to trust Him. I have placed too much security in the boat, but the crazy thing is, the boat isn't secure. The boat can sink, rock, tip over, be filled with water, and more. Only Jesus is secure. He is unshakable. He holds all things together. I've missed out on so much peace and enjoyment of Him by focusing too much on my inadequacies and the "boat" (circumstances).

My friends and family lovingly reminded me of this. Scripture reminds me of this. My declining bank account reminds me of this. My fading hope reminds of this. My fear and doubt reminds of this. My need to feel significant and productive and lead my family well reminds me of this.

INFORMATION -----> TRANSFORMATION ------> APPLICATION.

I am seeking diligently to be filled with God's joy, wisdom, and to make better provision for family, while being a light in this world, starting with my home. I have felt "worse than an unbeliever" by not providing well for my family, but it's time to act. I don't know exactly what God has in store in for me, but I know it's going to be better than what I can imagine or think up. His promises still stand true. He can still use me for good. He is good like that. I want to let Him do all He wants to do so that His name is honored and people are drawn to Him.

It's bigger than me, my bank account, my family, and my situation. It is about His Kingdom and His glory and His salvation. When I see beyond myself and look to Him, the fog begins to fade and my passion and purpose in life begins to be more clear. 

This morning I was able to worship and praise Him while walking/jogging. Yesterday I worshiped Him while weed eating and mowing with a friend.God is steadily speaking into me. I realized, though, that He has been all along. I was just too distracted to hear Him clearly. I was focusing on the wrong things. I was so down and discouraged and inwardly focused that I missed Him. I despised myself and my circumstances so much that I missed hearing Him and delighting in Him.

Today I feel lighter, freer and more joyful. My situation hasn't changed a whole lot this week, and there are some major concerns I have about provision, etc. However, I am working hard to stay focused on Him and His grace. He is sufficient. He knows my need. He is at work. I want to trust Him and get active. Something good is going to happen soon. I don't know how God is going to come through, but I am trusting  He will in His time and His way. Am I ready to receive it? I SURE HOPE SO!
______________________________________________________________
Habakkuk 2:1 (NASB)

I will stand on my guard post
And station myself on the rampart;
And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me,