Success Magazine Article from June 24, 2014
by Dr. Henry Cloud (author of Boundaries, and many more)
We all make mistakes but the people
who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.
“Never go back.” What does that
mean? From observations of successful people, clinical psychologist and author
of Never Go Back: 10 Things You'll Never Do Again (Howard
Books, June 2014), Dr. Henry Cloud has discovered certain “awakenings” that
people have—in life and in business—that once they have them, they never go
back to the old way of doing things. And when that happens, they are never the
same. In short, they got it.
“Years ago, a bad business decision
of mine led to an interesting discussion with my mentor,” Dr. Cloud says. “I
had learned a valuable lesson the hard way, and he reassured me: ‘The good
thing is once you learn that lesson, you never go back. You never do it again.’
“I wondered, what are the key
awakenings that successful people go through that forever change
how they do things, which propel them to succeed in business, relationships,
and life? I began to study these awakenings, researching them over the years.”
Although life and business have many
lessons to teach us, Dr. Cloud observed 10 “doorways” of learning that high
performers go through, never to return again.
Successful people never again…
1. Return to what hasn’t worked. Whether a job, or a broken relationship that was ended for
a good reason, we should never go back to the same thing, expecting different
results, without something being different.
2. Do anything that requires them to
be someone they are not. In
everything we do, we have to ask ourselves, “Why am I doing this? Am I suited
for it? Does it fit me? Is it sustainable?” If the answer is no to any of these
questions, you better have a very good reason to proceed.
3. Try to change another person. When you realize that you cannot force someone into doing
something, you give him or her freedom and allow them to experience the
consequences. In doing so, you find your own freedom as well.
4. Believe they can please everyone. Once you get that it truly is impossible to please
everyone, you begin to live purposefully, trying to please the right
people.
5. Choose short-term comfort over
long-term benefit. Once successful people know they
want something that requires a painful, time-limited step, they do not mind the
painful step because it gets them to a long-term benefit. Living out this
principle is one of the most fundamental differences between successful and
unsuccessful people, both personally and professionally.
6. Trust someone or something that
appears flawless. It’s natural for us to be drawn to
things and people that appear "incredible." We love excellence and
should always be looking for it. We should pursue people who are great at what
they do, employees who are high performers, dates who are exceptional people,
friends who have stellar character, and companies that excel. But when someone
or something looks too good to be true, he, she, or it is. The world is
imperfect. Period. No one and no thing is without flaw, and if they appear that
way, hit pause.
7. Take their eyes off the big
picture. We function better emotionally and
perform better in our lives when we can see the big picture. For successful
people, no one event is ever the whole story. Winners remember that – each and
every day.
8. Neglect to do due diligence. No matter how good something looks on the outside, it is
only by taking a deeper, diligent, and honest look that we will find out what
we truly need to know: the reality that we owe ourselves.
9. Fail to ask why they are where
they find themselves. One of the biggest differences
between successful people and others is that in love and in life, in relationships and in business, successful people
always ask themselves, what part am I playing in this situation? Said another
way, they do not see themselves only as victims, even when they are.
10. Forget that their inner life
determines their outer success.
The good life sometimes has little to do with outside circumstances. We are happy and fulfilled mostly by who we are on the
inside. Research validates that. And our internal lives largely contribute to
producing many of our external circumstances.
And, the converse is true: people
who are still trying to find success in various areas of life can almost always
point to one or more of these patterns as a reason they are repeating the same
mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes…even the
most successful people out there. But, what achievers do better than others is
recognize the patterns that are causing those mistakes and never repeat them
again. In short, they learn from pain—their own and the pain of others.
A good thing to remember is this: pain is unavoidable, but repeating the same pain twice, when we could choose to learn and do something different, is certainly avoidable. I like to say, “we don’t need new ways to fail….the old ones are working just fine!” Our task, in business and in life, is to observe what they are, and never go back to doing them again.
For a link to the original article, click this link: SUCCESS
