God is here; near.

The more I read and study, and the more I experience God's work in and around me, the more I realize the importance of seeking Him daily. I have so much "junk" in my heart that needs healed and pruned. My emotions still get "haywire" at different times, even this week. I waiver between feeling fired up about what God is doing and being tempted to give in to fear and doubt.

Zig Ziglar said it well..."People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily." 

One truth that keeps coming to mind is that God is here, near and always with me, us. I don't have to fear or worry. That only distracts from thinking about Him, enjoying Him, seeking Him, trusting Him, and aiming for His best. My experience will be determined by my level of belief. 

A.W. Tozer writes incredibly well about this concept and Psalm 139 when David was reflecting on the truth that he couldn't go anywhere that God was  not. 

Tozer said in The Pursuit of God:

The universal Presence is a fact. God is here. The whole universe is alive with His life. And He is no strange or foreign God, but the familiar Father of our Lord Jesus Christ whose love has for these thousands of years enfolded the sinful race of men. And always He is trying to get our attention, to reveal Himself to us, to communicate with us. We have within us the ability to know Him if we will but respond  to His overtures. (And this we call pursuing God!) We will know Him in increasing degree as our receptivity becomes more perfect by faith and love and practice.

He is here. Focusing on Him, rather than the "what ifs...", outcomes, results, and other things out of our control, increases faith, enjoyment, and peace and joy. My memory is short-lived. Like Zig said, "...that's why we recommend it daily."But, God is patient and knows our struggle to rest, abide, trust, and walk in joy and belief. 

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Psalm 139:7-12 (NIV)

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

 

Are you an introvert?

I am not an introvert, at least not fully, but Amy is. Understanding her inner world has been very helpful to our marriage. Her "quietness" tends to make me nervous and uncomfortable. When I don't take it personally (like I used to sadly) but instead honor it, I am able to give her space and not get aggravated. I need to be reminded often that it's because she is an introvert and needs that time to think and be quiet.

Sometimes I do this well, other times I annoy her. :) I am the opposite. I need activity and to talk. I talk as I think. I think. We are different in this area of functioning. For years it was a source of tension. Now, it's an intriguing concept that I hope to grow in. It's really amazing to read about and see firsthand.

As they say, "Before marriage, opposites attract. After marriage, opposite attack." Maybe understanding your differences will keep you from attacking each other.

Amy found this article yesterday called 23 Signs You're Secretly An Introvert. Maybe you are an introvert and this will speak volumes to you. Maybe your spouse is and you will be enlightened as to why he or she is a certain way.

May your differences lead to growth, not division. As Larry Burkett used to say (paraphrase), "In a relationship, if you are both exactly alike, then one of you is unnecessary."

A re-look at accountability

I want and need to be reminded often about accountability. I desire to learn from others, while striving to be a difference maker in others' lives. Over the weekend, my family and I had a great time visiting Amy's family in Florida. We enjoyed the brief "getaway" and can't wait to go back. However, there were a few "moments" where I was reminded of my sinful, selfish nature and of the work I still need to do. I didn't fall "off the wagon," but I wasn't happy how I felt when one of my "buttons" got pushed (not by Amy or my children).

My sister-in-law even brought me a devotional book and laughingly said that she and I both needed that day's message. I agreed. Dang it. :)  I had to repent and keep striving to overcome certain feelings I get when bothered or feel disrespected. Accountability is a key to that process. I wish I was further along in certain areas, but I am glad to at least be aware of the struggle and not run from it or deny it. That's evidence of growth for me, but I don't plan to stop there.

Dr. Mark Laaser has great insights and perspective about accountability that I want to re-share. I believe I shared it in an earlier blog post. His book, The 7 Principles of Highly Accountable Men is a must-read for every man (and woman) hoping to grow and mature, especially when it comes to purity.  Here's an overview of his book:

Principles of Accountability, Dr. Mark Laaser

1.     Accountability begins with brokenness, confession and repentance.

2.     Accountability requires your being able to talk about your feelings and needs.

3.     Accountability always requires a group of men or women, not just one person.

4.     Accountability means you must get rid of the garbage in your life.

5.     Prepare when you are strong for a time when you will be weak.

6.     Accountability means building and defending in equal measures.

7.    To change a negative behavior, you must do whatever it takes for as long as it takes.

Key Points of Accountability

Summarized by Jeff Fisher, www.porntopurity.com 

Going solo is deadly – We need one another, we need accountability, we need safe people we can share our struggles with, and we need a team of people to assist us.

Our deep needs must to be addressed in healthy ways – It’s easy to misinterpret our deep needs or try to meet them through addictive behaviors. The author features principles from his book The Seven Desires of Every Heart to help us learn what our core needs are and how to work on them.

We have to talk honestly about our junk – We won’t be able to work on our struggle and addictions if we don’t talk about them. We have to find others we can talk to and risk sharing the weaker parts of our lives

There is much to unlearn and heal from – God will use His Word and other men to show us areas that need change. We have core beliefs that are not godly. We hold onto shame that must be released. We have wrong goals or wrong ways of achieving goals that must be corrected.

10,000 Hours

As I strive for a better life and to do better my "next 30 years," I have to be reminded of the principle found in the book, Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. He found that it takes about 10,000 hours of doing something before you get good at it. That is 40 hours per week for five years.Think about the Olympic athletes who put in 8 to 12 hours per day for four years at a time. They didn't get their peak performance by "accident." They work at it every day. They don't just have "natural" or superb talent.

For me to continue to grow spiritually and personally, I have to ask myself, "Am I willing to put in the work and do the 10,000 hours?" And then, do what it takes to maintain that growth, and even continue it. Up until recently, I could not really answer that question with a bold "Yes!" At least not in every area of my life. Working through the hard path of adultery has given us a new perspective on life. Amy and I hope to apply that same effort to overcoming other areas of struggle in our lives.

God is calling us to a higher standard than the world's. He's also calling us to more in Him.

As Ephesians 3:16-20 says:

¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

I don't believe God is honored when we as believers settle for a life of mediocrity, doubt, shame, self-hatred, insecurity, comfort, or less than His best. He is able to do "immeasurably" more than all we ask or imagine. I don't know what all He wants to do in and through me, but I can guarantee it is more than I have imagined for myself. I am excited and longing to allow Him to do all He wants to do in and through me - for His name sake; not mine.

Therefore, today, with His help, I can put in the time to grow, seek, study, pray, and trust. One day at a time, trusting His daily bread. For the long haul. With hopeful expectation. With joy, regardless of my circumstances. That's His will - to know Him and be in awe of Him, delighting in Him and He in us. What a good God we serve.

A prayer worth praying

"God is calling you to leave the "self-life" and the attractions of this earth for a deep, personal relationship with Himself." Dr. Hal Hadden, Christian Leadership Concepts. 

Surrender = Delight

My realization more and more is in order to live out Psalm 37:4 (delight in The Lord), I must surrender. 

The more I surrender (I.e. Trust, submit) my will and ways, the greater my delight in The Lord and His ways, plans and personhood. 

The less I surrender, the less I enjoy Him. It's a direct correlation. When I focus more on my performance, His blessings, my circumstances, etc., than on Him and who He is, I miss the opportunity to grow, delight, and experience His goodness. 

I have a long way to go. But, I am glad I am on the path of growth. For a majority of my life I was not growing. I was stuck in self-hatred, negativity, pride and selfishness. With that came very little delight. 

Now, I want to dream and hope for His best and not let my preferences hinder that from happening. I want my dreams and goals to align with His will; not collide or contradict one another.

I ran and saw this today. He is good. 

"Thriving Adulterer"

Last week I read an article about "post traumatic growth." I'd not heard that term used, but it was intriguing. It made me realize that I am not just a "recovering adulterer." I am a "thriving" adulterer as well. By the grace of God, no doubt!

That may offend some people, particularly those who were hurt by my sin. I don't use that term lightly because I know for a fact I don't deserve to be "thriving." That's what is so amazing about God's grace - it isn't earned. I still can't explain why God allowed us to thrive and survive adultery, since so few do. I am grateful, though.

The premise of PTG, post traumatic growth, is that through trauma, we can become stronger and better, not just worse or develop disorders. Traumatic life events are very painful and can cause life long damage, BUT through suffering we can grow, mature, and come through on the other side closer to God, closer to others, and have a deeper faith. It's not a guarantee, but it's possible.

It's a biblical concept that we tend to overlook. As Christ followers, our hope is not to be in ourselves or our circumstances; it's in a Person, called Jesus Christ. None of us likes to suffer, but God can use our suffering for good; whether it's self-inflicted or not.

Amy and I have gone through one of the hardest difficulties a marriage can face. We've seen and felt the hand of God from day one. We've come through it stronger, better, and more hopeful. I don't know if I would have believed someone if they had they told me 2 1/2 years ago we would be closer than ever by February 2014. We are living out the concept of post traumatic growth. Wow. God is good.

What is PTG? Here is an exert from the PTG research website.  

Post Traumatic Growth,PTG Research Group, UNC Charlotte, http://ptgi.uncc.edu/

What is post-traumatic growth? It is positive change experienced as a result of the struggle with a major life crisis or a traumatic event. Although we coined the term post-traumatic growth, the idea that human beings can be changed by their encounters with life challenges, sometimes in radically positive ways, is not new. The theme is present in ancient spiritual and religious traditions, literature, and philosophy. What is reasonably new is the systematic study of this phenomenon by psychologists, social workers, counselors, and scholars in other traditions of clinical practice and scientific investigation.

What forms does post-traumatic growth take? Post-traumatic growth tends to occur in five general areas. Sometimes people who must face major life crises develop a sense that new opportunities have emerged from the struggle, opening up possibilities that were not present before. A second area is a change in relationships with others. Some people experience closer relationships with some specific people, and they can also experience an increased sense of connection to others who suffer. A third area of possible change is an increased sense of one’s own strength – “if I lived through that, I can face anything”. A fourth aspect of post-traumatic growth experienced by some people is a greater appreciation for life in general. The fifth area involves the spiritual or religious domain. Some individuals experience a deepening of their spiritual lives; however, this deepening can also involve a significant change in one’s belief system.

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"Trauma disrupts your core beliefs. It’s not the trauma itself that leads to growth but the process of rebuilding, of creating new anchors in a life that has become unmoored.” 
Judith Mangelsdorf, Ph.D., Bjorn Schulz Foundation

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John 16:33, (NIV)

³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

James 1:12, (NIV)

¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

Career is part of the recovery plan

My "career" has been one of those looming "dark clouds" for a very long time. In college, I believe I picked a major of study by choosing what seemed to be the easiest path. I didn't have dreams. I felt a mental "wall" that kept me from aiming higher in life. As a junior in college, I felt God call me into the ministry. Shame, doubt, pride, inadequacy, and fear kept me from pursuing it. It took 10 years for me to submit to that calling. In less than one year into it, I blew it.

My career struggles also affected our financial situation. They seemed to be directly correlated, at least for us. I stayed stuck in a vicious cycle of frustration, struggle, and ignorance. I was a terrible leader of our home and didn't take ownership as a husband and father. I spent years as an "employee" in various roles and jobs and never felt quite satisfied. Losing my career as a children's minister caused me to go through a couple of years of soul searching, and financial struggles. God provided for sure because when I filed our 2012 taxes, I was stunned. We had survived below the poverty level for a family of five.

After much stress, prayer, and uncertainty, I stepped out of the employee role and into self-employment. I truly enjoy counseling and plan to continue it. After listening to all types of audios and podcasts from various authors, like Robert Kiyosaki of Rich Dad Poor Dad, my eyes were opened to other ways of thinking and living - such as business building and investing.

It's so far out of my comfort zone and mindset that I feel like I am trying to comprehend a foreign language as I read and listen to Robert's materials, along with other authors with a similar mindset. I am on a journey of getting on track with career and overcoming this big hurdle that has hindered me since the 1990's. Adultery recovery isn't void of career and overcoming major financial damage. Thankfully, God is still gracious and willing to walk us through it.

There are so many options. Amy and I continue to seek the Lord's guidance in this very important decision and direction, i.e. life path. We want to be faithful in a little, so we can better handle more, if God chooses to bless us with more. Whether it's through counseling, TOT, Advocare, Nerium, etc., we want to follow God's lead. We want to surround ourselves with amazing people who lift us up and keep reminding us not to give up on what God can do when we surrender to Him and His "perfect and pleasing will."

I anticipate that 2014 will be our "year of jubilee." I am excited and feel like I am dreaming for the first time in my life. God is SO good. Apart from Him, none of this would be possible.
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Matthew 21:21 (NIV)

²¹ Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. ²² If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

Self-Doubt

The following quote could sum up a majority of my life....

People underestimate themselves all the time. They listen to that little voice of self-doubt that whispers and sometimes shouts in their brain telling them all the reasons why they can't do something, why they shouldn't even try. I believe there are two voices: the voice of reason, and the voice of self-doubt. The voice of reason is common sense, the voice of self-doubt is your past leading your future." Ken McElroy, The ABC's of Real Estate Investing

Self-doubt, to me, is in essence God-doubt. He calls us to trust Him, even when it doesn't make sense, isn't rational, and seems too big or too difficult. Like the man in Mark 9 who asked if Jesus was able to heal his child, and then asked if he was willing. He then replied to Jesus, "I believe, help my unbelief!" Self-doubt is unbelief..

Self-doubt denies the following promise of God...

Ephesians 3:20-21,New International Version (NIV)

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

McElroy goes on to say something powerful and inspiring. It's what I want my mindset and story to become...

Nothing in my upbringing would have prepared me for what I'm doing now. And yet everything did. I believe it is up to each of us to let go of the memories and scars of unsupportive fathers, ultra-critical mothers, ridiculing friends, and teachers who labeled us from the first day of school. Everybody has had negative influences in their lives and everyone of us will have lots more...Everyone must rise from challenging situations - that's what successful people do. They decide to get beyond their past, whatever it may be. I've chosen to accept my past, learn from it, copy what was good, and realize the bad stuff only makes me stronger.

Are you tired of getting in the way of the HUGE things God can and wants to do in and through you? I sure am. He's big. He's good. I'm small and must become smaller so He can become bigger in my mind, heart, soul, and life. Self-doubt = God-doubt. I have to get out of the way and get "over myself," my fears, my inadequacies, my pride and make much of Him. Then, hold on tight!!!!

Come then for love's sake. Come boldly denying fears. Enter into a love pact to meet Christ daily. Come trembling to confess inadequacies. He is gentle and will understand. He will not force us or hurry the pace beyond what we are able to tolerate. Come to his footstool. Come trusting. And come for the love of him. Intervarsity Press, January 2005.

Another fallen minister

News headline from last week...

Metro area youth pastor arrested on gratification charges (UPDATE)

Charges involve a young church member in his care at one point

I just heard about this youth minister in Mississippi who was arrested last week. He is 34 years old, a father, and a husband. He taught youth and Bible at a church and private Christian school. Pray for him, for his wife and children, the community, unbelievers, and for the boy (or boys) involved. I don't know him personally or the details of his situation, but I imagine it is very difficult for them as a couple, the youth and children he served, and so many more. 

Maybe the charges are not valid and it's a misunderstanding. Maybe it's real and he is facing jail time. I don't know. Regardless, I hope he experiences God's grace and discipline, and comes through on the other side stronger, whole, and more humble. 

It is sad to keep hearing about ministers, pastors, counselors, Christ followers, and really, anyone, who have committed some sort of sexual sin. These incidents reminds me of the mess I caused. It's very sobering, sad, and humbling. I hope and pray that it becomes less of an issue among Christians. Change starts with me. I need to stay close to Christ, while praying for others and doing my part to strengthen the body of Christ. We need each other for sure! It's not a "solo" project.
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2 Chronicles 16:9a, (NIV)

⁹ For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

The Process of Growth

"The process of growth does not eliminate the pain of loss and tragedy," Lawrence says. "We don't use words like healing, recovery, and closure. But out of loss there is often gain," he says. "And in ways that can be deeply profound, a staggering crisis can often change people for the better."

Lawrence Calhoun, University of North Carolina-Charlotte

Spiritual Surrender

I am continuing to learn about the paradox of surrender. To live, I must die to self. It seems contrary to my nature and what seems right but it is God's way. The best way. The only path to true life in Him. I am slowly letting go and trusting this truth. It is freeing for sure.

Dr. Hal Hadden of Christian Leadership Concepts states it well...

The ultimate destination of spiritual surrender is liberty. Rescue, emancipation, freedom. Surprising solutions for the journey of life. But along the way, surrender to God takes us temporarily through some territory that can make us cringe. This is because surrendering ourselves to God involves exposing the truth of the gospel to our stubborn, anxious, and sometimes delicate places. Surrender is the great separator. It is the doorway through which sleepy religious curiosity becomes wide-awake commitment.

I was reading this morning in Isaiah 55 and Matthew 26. Both describe the abundance we experience in our surrender. In Matthew 26, Jesus asked God to remove the cup He was about to drink through His suffering. But, He prayed, "...yet not as I will, but as You will." He also prayed, "My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Your will be done." He soon was arrested and told His disciples that He could call on God to send down twelve legions of angels to rescue Him, but this was not the Father's will. Jesus had a way out of His suffering, but He submitted to His Father's will - surrender = life for us all!

Isaiah 55 (NASB) is loaded with rich promises from the LORD. 

55 “Ho! Every one who thirsts, come to the waters; 
And you who have no ^[a]money come, buy and eat. 
Come, buy wine and milk 
Without money and without cost. 
² “Why do you ^[b]spend money for what is not bread, 
And your wages for what does not satisfy? 
Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,
And delight yourself in abundance.

How too often we look for fulfillment in everything but the One who offers us "abundance." Isaiah 55 goes on to say more incredible promises of "abundant pardon" and so much more:

11So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty,
Without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.

¹² “For you will go out with joy
And be led forth with peace;
The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you,
And all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Surrender. What a concept. It leads to liberty, freedom, abundance, fulfillment, life, and joy. Why do I keep holding back? Why do I hesitantly let God have His way in me? I don't know fully but I am thankful that God has been working on me and hasn't given up on me. His promise is clear in Isaiah 55:7:

Let the wicked forsake his way
And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
And let him return to the Lord,
And He will have compassion on him,
And to our God,
For He will abundantly pardon.

May we all surrender more and more each day to the One who knows best, gives the best, and wants best for us. I keep having to remind myself that He's the ultimate prize. Peaceful, delightful fellowship with Jesus is the greatest part of the journey - His blessings along the way are bonuses He throws in there - like cherries on top. Well, I prefer chocolate syrup and whip cream!

Happy Valentines Day

I am a blessed man.
This is from my six year old daughter.

I had a FUN and enjoyable date with Amy last night.
I have had a great time with the boys this week.
My cup is overflowing.

I am a blessed man. May I never forget or take it for granted. Instead of losing everything, I have gained even more. "Heal the wound leave the scars." The scars are reminders of where I have been and what God has done. He's a big God.

Happy Valentine's Day

Who are you becoming?

Part of my adultery recovery has been to surrender to the LORD - my sin, my fears, my shame, my worries, my future, my past, my present, and everything in between. It's not giving up and settling for a doomed life. It's really quite the opposite. It's a dying to myself so that I may have true life. It's quite a paradox, but it's the heart of the gospel. Intriguing. 

A.W. Tozer wrote about this concept, reminding us that we are not surrendering to a mean, hateful, angry God. It’s quite the opposite. He invites us into His presence to enjoy Him and experience fullness, not fear.

We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relationships and friends. But we need to have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed. God must do everything for us. Our part is to yield and trust.  

The cross is rough and its deadly, but it is effective. It does not keep its victim hanging there forever. There comes a moment when its work is finished and the suffering victim dies. After that is resurrection glory and power, and the pain is forgotten for joy that the veil is taken away and we have entered into actual spiritual experience the presence of the living God.  Show us how to die, that we may arise again to newness of life. 

            Often, our “treasure” is in our relationships, particularly our marriage, spouse, or children. When these relationships suffer loss, betrayal, rebellion, or disappointment, we are hurt deeply and may struggle to not give in to fear and panic. If these relationships are what we based our identity, sense of security, and hope on, then we have misunderstood their purposes. No person, thing or relationship can fill those voids in our hearts that only God can fill. No one person on this Earth can promise to never leave you, always love you, and be there for you always. Only God can fulfill such promises. 

Adultery, sin, and the world only offers death and destruction, packaged in "sheep's clothing." It never delivers what it promises. However, God's call to death is quite the opposite. His call to die leads to new life, abundance, peace, and hope. 

Why do we continually run from God's best and choose the world's "junk food?" It makes no sense. It's a good thing He is patient, slow to anger, and willing to see us through to full redemption and life in Him. Hopefully, we will stop running and surrender before things get too bad.

Who are you going to become in your recovery journey? Your choices along the way are very important. Reduce your regrets by becoming better, stronger, more mature, and whole as a person, Lord willing.

“What you become is much more valuable than what you get. The major question in a job is not, “What am I getting here?” The major question is, “What (or Who) am I becoming here?” Jim Rohn

Why most people fail

Researchers at the University of Mississippi conducted a study to discover why people fail. In over 90 percent of the cases they examined, a person’s chosen behavior—a reflection of their thinking—caused their failure. 

Simply stated, most people have the skills, knowledge, experience, and education to succeed. In the cases where they fail, they simply lack the personal belief that they’re capable of success. (Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Dad Poor Dad)
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Such a true statement. If we would all apply Romans 12:2, among other promises of God. 

² And do not be conformed to this ^[c]world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may ^[d]prove what the will of God is, that which is good and ^[e]acceptable and perfect. 

What will we be doing on that day?

I have heard numerous stories of people around our community and many others who have either been unfaithful to their spouse, or are currently doing so and refusing to get help or admit it. It's sad to hear about, especially when they are church people and/or Christians. For years, that was me. Those were some very dark years that I wish I could undo. I wish I would have been a loving husband, active father, and faithful Christ follower. Sadly, I wasted a lot of God's grace and time with my family. I hope these men and women who are living that same lie and life will wake up and let God do something big.

After recently reading Matthew chapter 24, it was quite an eye opening and sobering reminder that one day Jesus is coming back to get His followers and children. What a glorious day that will be, for the ones who remain faithful to the end and trust Him. I hope that's me and you. After reading the chapter, I wondered, "What will I be doing when he returns?" I hope and pray that I will be living a life of praise and worship, and faithfulness to Him. I pray that I will not be in sin and living a life of dishonor, especially the way I was prior to August 26, 2011.

What will you be doing on that day? What will I be doing on that day? None of us knows for sure, so that's why today is a gift, a present, a day to celebrate and rest in His goodness. Each day is a day to prepare, anticipate, confess, repent, delight, abide, and seek Him. It is a day to love others and be the best we can as parents, spouse's, leaders, followers, owners, stewards, and friends.

I wasted so many years living in the "far country" and surrendering to the lie of the evil one. I settled for "junk food." Today is the day to stop wallowing in the mud and muck of sin and start running in His freedom. Man, I want that! I want to do that more fully! I want to keep striving and keep trusting in Him! He can do HUGE things in and through us - I am the hold up, not Him! It's a journey and a process worth pursuing, one day at a time. Thank you Lord for never leaving us to ourselves!

Check out the chapter in Matthew 24 that is either a warning or a hopeful promise - depending on our faithfulness to Him.
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Matthew 24:42-44 (NASB)

Signs of Christ’s Return

⁴² “Therefore be on the alert, for you do not know which day your Lord is coming. ⁴³ But ^[af]be sure of this, that if the head of the house had known at what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on the alert and would not have allowed his house to be ^[ag]broken into. ⁴⁴ For this reason you also must be ready; for the Son of Man is coming at an hour when you do not think He will.

Pay me now or pay me later

I had a client recently who was going through a similar situation as me. I could hear the struggle in his voice as he relayed the difficulty of recovery and how hard it's been to work through the shame. He admitted feeling very hopeless for most of his first year but had finally started feeling better and gaining confidence and hope. I can remember feeling very similar. It's a rough journey and process and often feels like you are wading through six feet of mud. 

It was exciting to see this guy moving out of the shame, though slower than he preferred. As we talked, I told him something that Amy and I found to be crucial to our recovery journey. I said that I have found that the harder your recovery is in the first two years DUE TO WALKING THROUGH THE PAIN, the better your chances are for long-term healing and improved outcomes. 

Walking through “hell” to get full healing, or as close to it you can this side of Heaven, in the early years will make your life way better later on. The opposite holds true as well – the easier you make your recovery in the early phases by skipping steps and “sweeping it under the rug,” the harder things become later on. “Time will either expose you or promote you.”

I believe this is where most of us get hung up in our lives, whether it's adultery recovery, career, money, etc. We get tempted to try to easy path or skip steps. We refuse to do the painfully, hard work in the beginning that will later reap a harvest. Couples do this all too often when they come see me for adultery recovery. Instead of walking through the mud and muck and trudging through the pain, they are too quick to sweep it under the rug and not face it, thinking they will "someday." I have found that it gets harder and harder to bring up the pain the longer it sits idle. I plead with them to not sacrifice long term healing for short term relief. Some head the advice; many don't.

Thankfully Amy and I went through the gut wrenching, pruning process in the beginning. Those first two and a half years had many great moments, BUT we also had tons of pain and struggle. We are forever grateful for our friendship, closeness, partnership, trust, and growth now that would not have happened most likely had we not done the hard work early on. God has been huge in our  lives. We went from an "earthquake" story to a "miracle" story!!!! 
 
"You can’t outrun your past, so you might as well stop trying to. Instead, turn around, face it, learn from it, pray for new insights and healing, and then move on - stronger, better, wiser."
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Matthew 19:27-30 (NASB)

The Disciples’ Reward

²⁷ Then Peter said to Him, “Behold, we have left everything and followed You; what then will there be for us?” ²⁸ And Jesus said to them, “Truly I say to you, that you who have followed Me, in the regeneration when the Son of Man will sit on ^[k]His glorious throne, you also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. ²⁹ And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother ^[l]or children or farms for My name’s sake, will receive ^[m]many times as much, and will inherit eternal life. ³⁰ But many who are first will be last; and the last, first.

Learned helplessness.

There is a term called Learned Helplessness that has always intrigued me. In many areas of my life, I have experienced a sense of learned helplessness. It has taken me two and a half years of recovery to finally start seeing some victory over some of these areas. I still feel a "mental block" with a few things, but I am starting to address these lies more directly, neutrally, and with truth rather than fear or hopelessness/helplessness.

According to Wikipedia, the definition of Learned helplessness is:

A mental state in which an organism forced to endure aversive stimuli, or stimuli that are painful or otherwise unpleasant, becomes unable or unwilling to avoid subsequent encounters with those stimuli, even if they are escapable, presumably because it has learned that it cannot control the situation.^[1] Learned helplessness theory is the view that clinical depression and related mental illnesses may result from a perceived absence of control over the outcome of a situation.^[2] Organisms that have been ineffective and less sensitive in determining the consequences of their behaviour are defined as having acquired learned helplessness.^[3]

Here are some examples of learned helplessness:

- After several attempts at dieting w/ no weight loss, one learns they can not loose weight and results in depression and possible excessive weight gain.
 
- After dating men who have turned out to complete jerks, a woman convinces herself that all men are that way and discontinues dating.  She learns that men bring pain. 
 
- Pessimists-no matter what happens - their life will be bad. 
 
- Optimists-no matter what happens - their life will be good. 
 
- If a student studies a lot but consistently makes poor grades he/she will start to feel depressed. 

- If a mother tries to discipline her child in different ways, such as, timeout, spanking or words and the child still acts in ways she dislikes (misbehavior), she will start to feel there’s nothing she can do to help the child or herself.  She may be failing as a parent. 

- If someone is at a swimming pool and the lifeguard always seems to blow his/her whistle at them each time they come, they may start to think, “No matter what I do I’ll get into trouble.”  Then they will not want to do anything and will not be able to enjoy themselves.  

- One goes to the doctor and receives a diagnosis of a disease. They go back to the doctor and the disease has worsened.  The doctor says, “Your disease has advanced. This is what it is now.”  This cycle progresses for a while and eventually the patient may believe they are never going to get better and they feel helpless. 
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I know I am not a victim or helpless, despite how I feel or think about some situations. Therefore, I have to remember, if I learned to feel helpless, then I can learn to feel more powerful and less helpless by taking every thought captive unto Christ and living in His truth and freedom. The Bible says that "...God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." We can either believe that truth or not. 

Therefore, I have to ask myself: When do we use stubbornness and determination to keep us in the fight of overcoming fear, insecurity and "helplessness" AND When do we surrender and drop our pride, trusting that God may have other plans? This is a hard question to answer. I think some personalities tend to give in too quickly, while some hold on too long. 

Here's a thought: Don't base your decisions on what "feels" good or comfortable.
 
Adultery recovery hasn't been comfortable or easy but it's been the greatest form of growth and healing Amy and I have experienced. I want to apply this to other areas, such as career, building an Advocare business, growing as a therapist, as a father, as a husband, as a runner, in my nutrition and eating habits, money management and financial intelligence, and on and on. 

Most of these areas of growth won't come easy or "feel" comfortable. God never said to base our walk with Him on "comfort." If anything, He said it will be uncomfortable and we will suffer, BUT He is with us to the very end. His will and way is best, but not necessarily the easiest. I am in recovery from believing the lies of "learned helplessness." I will be victorious as I claim 1 Timothy 1:7 and walk in "power and love and sound mind" and allow God and others to strengthen me and assist me. I can't do it alone. Apart from Christ I can do nothing. In Christ, all things are possible. To God be the glory.