I listened to a powerful sermon, well actually, a bunch of sermons this week from Elevation church. Great stuff that God has used to speak to me (www.elevationchurch.org) or download the app.
I realized this week that I have still been holding on the bondage of my past and shame. I let self-hatred and lies shape and overshadow my identity. It is continually holding me back and keeping me stuck, especially with career and finances. I have held back out of feelings of inadequacy and shame, rather than "power, love, and sound mind." I have not been living as a free man, saved by Christ. The prison doors are open but I keep walking back in. Jesus died to take away my shame, but I keep picking it up!!! Not good!
I have decided to change the title of my blog. For now, it is called, The Wounded Saint. It is a reflection of who I am in Christ, while a reminder of the painful past THAT GOD HAS REDEEMED. I can't deny my sin and painful past, but I don't have to let it define me. God is bigger than my sin. His grace is sufficient. What I did was awful, terrible, and hurt so many people. However, His promises have not been nullified by my sin. I am not that powerful. He is faithful to Himself and His truth and promises even when we are not. Therefore, I can and want to honor my wife and family by walking out of the darkness and into the Light of Christ.
God is good. He is ever present. My circumstances are not what I want them to be, but I know God is working on me. When He answers my specific prayers about career and money (and my internal world of self-hatred, doubt, inadequacy and shame), it will be a blessing to me and not a "curse" that I mishandle. I pray for the faith to hold on, place my identity in Him, and live life to the fullest. I will have to wake up each day and go back to the "well" of His grace and truth, but that's okay. That's how He wants it because He likes hanging out with me. Now, it's my turn to learn to like myself and look through His filter and not my jacked up one.
Are you there yet? Keep pressing on and pressing in, to Him.
PS - This weekend marks the three year anniversary of when I confessed to Amy and the church. It is so hard to believe it has been three years. What a ride!!! Thank you to those who have walked it (and limped it) with us. You are a blessing.
1 Corinthians 1:9 (NASB)
God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
For years, I kept my secret sins hidden until God busted them wide open in 2011. God used my public and private confessions to begin my healing and redemption. I learned that what happens behind closed doors at home, the church, the office, and everywhere else can "make or break us." God works in the Light (1 John 1:5)while evil thrives in darkness/secrecy (Ephesians 5:8-13). This is a blog about my journey.
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