Cattle on a thousand hills

I heard a story of a couple who was struggling financially. They had recently read in Psalms about how God "owns the cattle on a thousand hills" (Psalm 50:10). They were starting to worry and fear that they would lose everything they owned, despite their urgent prayers to God that seemed to go unanswered. They prayed for faith to trust God and knew He could provide for them, even if it meant He would sell some of His cattle on those hills. Seemed silly to ask such as request, but God said we "have not because we ask not." It was worth a shot and demonstrated child-like faith.

One day they got a knock on their door. A man whom they didn't know brought them a check for nearly the same amount they needed. He said he felt God led him to them. He told them he had recently sold some cattle, and God told him to take them the money. Wow! Coincidence? I don't think so. 

Now I don't know for sure if this story is true, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was. That's the kind of God we serve. 2 Chronicles 16:9 says, "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." God is a good Father and wants to take care of us. Sometimes He sustains us through the "storms" of life by providing the resources we need - even if it means selling His "cattle." Other times He sustains us spiritually and emotionally to help us endure the storms, even if it means we suffer loss and have to wait until He is ready to give us more. 

My dad owns cattle, and I have grown up around them my whole life. I know cattle can be sold to help provide for needs. My dad has sold cattle all his life and used the money to pay for needs in the family and for others. Therefore, that story about the couple being given money by a cattle farmer isn't that hard to comprehend for me. It actually makes me smile to think about, though I haven't always had the same appreciation for cattle as my dad, much to his dismay I am sure. 

The more I read about God's provision through scripture and in people's lives, including my own, the more I am amazed by Him. He really is crazy about us. I know He hates sin, but not just because He can't be around it due to His holiness. He hates sin also because He loves us so much and sees sin destroy us, His beloved creation. He came to get us out of the darkness, and is saddened when we keep running to it. 

This morning I got a daily devotional from a friend and it spoke to me just as I needed. Check it out below: 

Luke 9:13-14, NIV

 13 He replied, “You give them something to eat.”

They answered, “We have only five loaves of bread and two fish—unless we go and buy food for all this crowd.” 14 (About five thousand men were there.)

The commentary explained the verses:

When the disciples expressed concern about where the crowd of thousands would eat, Jesus offered a surprising solution: "You feed them." The disciples protested, focusing their attention on what they didn't have-food and money. Do you think God would ask you to do something that you and he together couldn't handle? Don't let your lack of resources blind you to seeing God's power.

Do you ever have trouble seeing, believing and experiencing God's power due to a lack of resources? I sure do. When we focus on our inabilities, our lack, our weaknesses, we lose sight of God's power. He is able to do far more than we think or imagine. Be blown away today by His love, provision, and power. 

May we be like Abraham as it says about him in Romans 4:20,

"...yet with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief, but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God." 

The Uncomfortable

When all of my junk came out in August 2011, if history would have determined how I would respond, then I would not be sitting here writing this blog. There is a long list of things that would have never occurred because I would not have done the work and been willing to face it. I also would have given in to feelings of inadequacy and shame. But, GOD CAME THROUGH!

As I have said in many of my blog posts, I don't know why it took such a tragedy to wake me up, AND I don't know why God saw fit to save me and our marriage. I am forever grateful and want to continually give Him the credit and allow Him to use it for good.

As we continue in year three of our recovery, to thrive more and more, I have to work on many areas of my life that are causing me to be "uncomfortable." It is uncomfortable in a different way than it was in the first two years. Now, it's about letting God mature me mentally and "toughen" me up to face areas of my life that I have avoided and been afraid to change/face.

Three areas that come to mind:
1. Public speaking
2. Spiritually leading my family
3. Financial freedom/intelligence/confidence, etc.

All three in their own particular way trigger feelings of insecurity for me. I am determined to change this. I am reading, listening to audios, praying, journaling, and applying knowledge learned in each of these areas. Guess what,  IT HAS BEEN VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. I get overwhelmed at times, and the past few weeks have stretched me quite a bit. But that's okay.

As someone said (I can't remember who said it): Do what it is uncomfortable long enough until it becomes comfortable.

This is obviously not talking about sinful things but areas of personal development and spiritual maturity. In the past, I would have avoided dealing with these areas of my life. I would have either been irritated every time my feelings of inadequacy popped up, or I would have been highly defensive and/or avoidant of doing anything about it. God has given me the courage to face them head on. Amy and I have survived a major life tragedy and know God is able to do what seems impossible. He is taking us deeper and deeper into a fuller understanding of who He is. It's quite amazing to witness firsthand.

It is still a struggle to undo years of thinking and settling. That's why it is called a "process" or "journey." It's a progressive thing, not a one time event. There are days I wish things were simpler and would "instantaneously" improve, but that would be a disservice to me and my family, and beyond. It's the process that produces the "fruit." 

In a parable in the Bible, the man asked Jesus, "If you are able..." Jesus said, "If I am able?" Jesus is very "able" and capable of doing way more than we give Him credit or allow Him to do. The better question for us to ask is, "Am I willing to let Him do all that He wants to do in and through my life?" Do I live life to the fullest "for His name sake" and seek to make an impact on our lost world? Many days I don't. On the days I do, it's life changing - and not just for me. It goes way beyond my small world and life.

I don't want to be known for being a Christ follower who "settles" for less than God's best. I also don't want to be remembered only for being a "moral failure." I don't want my story to end there. "But by the grace of God" it won't. It's part of our story, but new chapters are being written.

I want to be a living example of someone who God has transformed and done miracles in and through. As John the Baptist said, "I must decrease. He must increase." This happens through surrender, trust, submission, belief, and humility. It is all initiated by God, and He will carry it "on to completion." That's truth and good news. I want to hang on until He calls me home! Come Holy Spirit!
______________________________________________________________

Colossians 1:21, HCSB

²¹ Once you were alienated and hostile in your minds because of your evil actions. ²² But now He has reconciled you by His physical body^[k] through His death, to present you holy, faultless, and blameless before Him— ²³ if indeed you remain grounded and steadfast in the faith and are not shifted away from the hope of the gospel that you heard. This gospel has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and I, Paul, have become a servant of it.

A Life That Counts by John C. Maxwell

John Maxwell says things well. I am with him - "I want to live a life that counts." It's a worthy pursuit and won't come without challenges. God is bigger than anything I will ever face - including my past. That's good news for sure!
______________________________________________________

A Life That Counts
by John C. Maxwell

Ben Franklin once wrote, "I would rather have it said ‘He lived usefully' than 'He died rich.'" More than just words, it was the way Franklin lived his life. One example of his useful nature was the invention of the Franklin stove. Instead of patenting it and keeping it to himself, Ben Franklin decided to share his invention with the world.

Instead of seeing the world in terms of how much money he could make, Franklin saw the world in terms of how many people he could help. To Benjamin Franklin, being useful was its own reward.
As I age, I gain perspective on the illusion of wealth and status as forms of fulfillment. I don't want my life to be measured by dollars and cents, or the number of books I've authored. Rather, I want to be remembered by the lives that I've touched. I want live a life that counts. With each day that passes, I feel a greater sense of urgency to make sure my time and energy are invested in developing leaders.
A life that counts is determined by:

1. The relationships that I form: Relationships help us to define who we are and what we can become. I consider relationships to be my greatest treasures in life and an immense source of joy.
Most people can trace their failures or successes to pivotal relationships. That's because all relationships involve transference. When we interact with others we exchange energy, emotions, ideas and values. Some relationships reinforce our values and uplift us, while others undercut our convictions and drain us. While we cannot choose every relationship in our lives, we get to select those who are closest to us.
Relationship Rules

1. Get along with yourself: The one relationship you will have until you die is yourself.
2. Value people: You cannot make another person feel important if you secretly feel that he or she is a nobody.
3. Make the effort to form relationships: The result of a person who has never served others? Loneliness.
4. Understand the Reciprocity Rule: Over time, people come to share reciprocal, similar attitudes toward each other.
5. Follow the Golden Rule: The timeless principle: treat others the way you want to be treated.

2. The decisions that I make: Good decisions sometimes reap dividends years into the future, while bad decisions have a way of haunting us.
My friend, legendary basketball coach John Wooden, encourages leaders to, "Make every day your masterpiece." Two ingredients are necessary for each day to be a masterpiece: decisions and discipline. I like to think of decisions as goal-setting and discipline as goal-getting. Decisions and discipline cannot be separated because one is worthless without the other.

Good Decisions - Daily Discipline = A Plan without Payoff
Daily Discipline - Good Decisions = Regimentation without Reward
Good Decisions + Daily Discipline = A Masterpiece of Success

3. The experiences that I encounter: Our lives are also shaped by pivotal experiences. Whether triumphs or tragedies, our lives are molded by them. Perhaps we receive a long-awaited promotion or we're suddenly let go from a job. Perhaps a loved one passes away, or a newborn baby enters our lives. These experiences immerse us in emotions and challenge our convictions. They may even reveal our purpose in life.
Oftentimes, we're defined not so much in the moment of experience itself as in our response to the experience. Do we quit or rebound? Do we harbor bitterness or choose to forgive? Do we blame or improve? Whatever the case, the experiences in our lives profoundly touch us. The life experiences we encounter are broad and varied, but here are a few brief pointers on gaining the most from them.

1. Evaluate experience: Experience isn't the best teacher. Evaluated experience is the best teacher. Learn from mistakes and victories alike. Draw upon experiences to grow and gain wisdom.
2. Manage the emotional aspects of experience: Pivotal moments come with a flood of emotions—at times positive, and at times negative. Teach yourself to counteract negative feelings and learn to harness the momentum of positive emotions.
3. Share them through storytelling: Experiences are my richest repositories of teaching material. Make a habit of sharing the lessons learned from the experiences that have shaped your life and your leadership.

Doubt and Pout

There are days, more than I prefer to admit, when I "doubt and pout" about my circumstances and struggles. My prayers are pitiful at times, and I sound like either a spoiled child or a "doubting Thomas" needing reassurance and "proof." How quickly I forget how much God has done and how BIG He is.

A lot of my journey has been allowing the Lord to "renew" my mind, ridding me of old ways of thinking. Fear, unbelief and doubt can creep in and try to take over. I notice it most when money stresses start to occur, or when I get overwhelmed by a flooding of information that is new and challenging. I wish I would have learned these life lessons years ago as a young adult. Now, I am 39 years old having to learn things that would have made a huge difference in my teens and 20's. Better late than never. I don't have the mindset that I am "set in my ways" or "old dogs can't learn new tricks." I refuse to settle. I may "pout and doubt" some days, but I can't give in to fear. It's not an option.

This morning I had a reading assignment in Galatians 1, Ephesians 1, and Colossians 1. These came after a huge answer to prayer this morning. "Honey I shrunk, Jesus!" is a phrase that comes to mind when I read these powerful verses. How quickly I let my circumstances become bigger than Jesus! How ridiculous. He's HUGE and when I see Him as He really is and embrace His truth and promises, my circumstances seem so small and insignificant. I believe, Lord, help my unbelief!!!

God answers our prayers - in His time, in His way, and what's best. I have witnessed it firsthand over and over and over - yet I still have days where I waiver in unbelief. That's why our walk with Christ is a daily decision. That's why adultery recovery and "thriving" is a daily decision. Some days we walk in freedom and joy. Other days we are overwhelmed by fear, doubt, and uncertainty. God is gracious and is unchanged by our emotions and fears. He walks with us through it all, and even carries us when we can't walk. What a gracious and mighty God we serve.

I "doubted and pouted" this week, even this morning. God answered me anyway. I am humbled yet again. Man, He is enough and His grace is sufficient.
_______________________________________________________

Ephesians 1:3-6, The Message

^3-6 How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.

^7-10 Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we’re a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.
^11-12 It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

Grace with Space

I recently read the account of Stephen who was murdered for his faith (Acts 7). His last words on this Earth just before he died at the hands of the angry people who hated him and were killing him were, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them!" (Acts 7:60). Wow. What faith, grace and spiritual maturity. I am not there yet.

Still to this day, there are people and certain types of people that I am not very comfortable around - whether due to personality conflicts, past difficulties, temptation, misunderstanding, etc. I don't want to be judgmental or unkind, but at the same time, I don't want to put myself in situations that are questionable, potentially sinful, or ones that I cannot handle well "at this time."

I know that I have a lot of work to do as a Christ follower and "recovering" adulterer and "sinner." I am still a work in progress, regardless of how much growth I have experienced this past two and a half years. I am  overcoming years of personal and spiritual neglect. I want to keep moving forward and let God have His way in me - fully. Surrendering daily to Him is crucial. I wake up every day needing to remind myself of my need for Christ.

One question that I ask myself and God often is, "How do I do relate to people that I have difficulty being around, shouldn't be around, or need "time off" from, in a God-honoring way?" This week the thought came to mind that seems to help me process and understand this. Hopefully it is God speaking to me and not my flesh. Three words that gave me some clarity:

Grace with Space.

With God's help, I can offer grace and/or forgiveness, while maintaining personal space. I may not spend time with this person, become friends with them, or ever want to be around them, however, I can still have a spirit of grace. Or, when I take time "off" from the relationship, I can work on me and determine best what God wants to show me. He may say that the relationship is permanently over, or He may say wait a while. Or, He may be waiting on me to submit to His will and not "run" from His leading.

As the book by R.T. Kendall called Total Forgiveness teaches:

• Forgiveness is not approval. 
• Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. 

I want to continually pray through this issue and situation and honor God in my words and deeds. I definitely struggle to know how to best handle this type of matter. I never want to be judgmental and lack compassion, though I know I am capable of doing so. I also don't want to let guilt, temptation, or fear keep me from setting appropriate boundaries and walking in His freedom and truth. 
______________________________________________________________

Colossians 3:17, English Standard Version (ESV)

¹⁷ And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.