Thursday, March 27, 2014

Doubt and Pout

There are days, more than I prefer to admit, when I "doubt and pout" about my circumstances and struggles. My prayers are pitiful at times, and I sound like either a spoiled child or a "doubting Thomas" needing reassurance and "proof." How quickly I forget how much God has done and how BIG He is.

A lot of my journey has been allowing the Lord to "renew" my mind, ridding me of old ways of thinking. Fear, unbelief and doubt can creep in and try to take over. I notice it most when money stresses start to occur, or when I get overwhelmed by a flooding of information that is new and challenging. I wish I would have learned these life lessons years ago as a young adult. Now, I am 39 years old having to learn things that would have made a huge difference in my teens and 20's. Better late than never. I don't have the mindset that I am "set in my ways" or "old dogs can't learn new tricks." I refuse to settle. I may "pout and doubt" some days, but I can't give in to fear. It's not an option.

This morning I had a reading assignment in Galatians 1, Ephesians 1, and Colossians 1. These came after a huge answer to prayer this morning. "Honey I shrunk, Jesus!" is a phrase that comes to mind when I read these powerful verses. How quickly I let my circumstances become bigger than Jesus! How ridiculous. He's HUGE and when I see Him as He really is and embrace His truth and promises, my circumstances seem so small and insignificant. I believe, Lord, help my unbelief!!!

God answers our prayers - in His time, in His way, and what's best. I have witnessed it firsthand over and over and over - yet I still have days where I waiver in unbelief. That's why our walk with Christ is a daily decision. That's why adultery recovery and "thriving" is a daily decision. Some days we walk in freedom and joy. Other days we are overwhelmed by fear, doubt, and uncertainty. God is gracious and is unchanged by our emotions and fears. He walks with us through it all, and even carries us when we can't walk. What a gracious and mighty God we serve.

I "doubted and pouted" this week, even this morning. God answered me anyway. I am humbled yet again. Man, He is enough and His grace is sufficient.
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Ephesians 1:3-6, The Message
3-6 How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.
7-10 Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we’re a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.
11-12 It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

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