The Father's Presence

Last night Collin, my 9 year old, had trouble falling asleep. Despite me telling him to please go to sleep and not come back downstairs, he couldn't get settled. Part of his difficulty was that my car keys were missing, and he felt responsible for losing them. He was the last one who had them we think, but I can be scatter brained, so who knows. I may have misplaced them. I was not upset with him about the keys. I was frustrated I couldn't find them and spent 30 minutes looking for them. He kept coming to help, but it was 10:00 pm and he needed to go to sleep.

I finally looked in the only place I had not looked - the garbage bag I had taken to the outside garbage can. Voila. There they were. Thankfully trash day hadn't come! I am not sure how the keys got in the trash. That's a mystery. Anyway, I told Collin I found the keys, thinking it would help him go to sleep. Nope. I finally told Amy I was going to go sleep in the bed with him. Once I laid down with him, he didn't get up anymore and went right to sleep. His "father's presence" calmed him. 

I remember feeling that way as a child. Just having my dad around when I was scared, especially while hunting, made me feel safe. There were numerous times when we were deer hunting, and I was scared to death while walking alone. I even had my own gun, but it didn't help me feel at ease. However, when my dad was with me, I was perfectly calm, with or without a gun. It was my father walking me that made the difference.

I am nearing 40 years old, and my Heavenly Father gives me the same comfort that my father gave me as a child, and the feeling I give to Collin (and my other two). Knowing He is with me gives me comfort when I am overwhelmed and afraid. As an adult, I tend to question Him more and doubt and fear, sadly. However, when I rest and abide in Him and submit to His goodness and plans, I can walk with peace, despite the "storms" I feel around and in me.

Shame tried to crush me and tell me to run FROM my Heavenly Father. That's not the message I get from the Lord, though. He says to run TO Him, to His throne of grace. Wow. What love. What grace. What an amazing Father we have. In Him, there is freedom, peace, comfort, grace, forgiveness, discipline, and a higher calling. Staying close is not only best for everyone, but it's the very thing that enables us to walk this life with integrity, joy, obedience, and delight. Sin can't do that for us. I wish I wasn't so prone to wander off and doubt the One who loves me and set me free.
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Hebrews 4:16 (NASB)

 ¹⁶ Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

An internal "mess"

Do you ever feel like a "mess" or "wreck?" I do, even this morning. I want to allow God to keep "pruning and tilling" my heart and mind and soul, but it is seemingly too slow. His ways and thoughts and time table are much different than mine. I want to trust His plan and process, but I admit that I get weary at times. I even woke up at 1:16 am today pondering the parts of my "mess" that still linger on. Thankfully, by "prayer and petition" I was able to give it to Him and go back to sleep.

I believe that God is so good that He can make my "mess" a work of art, beautiful, purposeful and meaningful. He has done so much up to this point. Why doubt or fear now? This phase of the "tilling" and weeding" process is painful, slow, and doesn't feel very loving, but I know He is loving. I don't want to waste too much energy on the lie that says otherwise. The end result and process will be glorious if I allow it to happen, in time. As the man in Mark chapter 9 said, "I believe. Help my unbelief."

Happy Memorial Day

It's a great day to be able to laugh and smile and "mean it." Gratitude makes life better. We won't always be "happy," but we can experience joy even if things seem to be falling apart. I stink at joy some days but it's worth trying to figure out and "fail forward" in. Sure beats the alternative.

Happy Memorial Day. Thank you to all who fought and fight for our freedoms. You are not forgotten. 

2 Coronthians 4:17-18

HALT-B + S

HALT-B. This is an acronym used as a warning to avoid falling into temptation and making bad decisions, in regards to purity, faithfulness, relapse, etc. It means don't get too H (Hungry), A (Angry), L (Lonely), T (Tired) and B (Bored). I would add S (Stressed, Shame, Low Self Worth), since I tend to be most vulnerable when overwhelmed by stress, insecurity, shame, etc.

I have noticed lately that I tend to want to isolate myself from others when these strong feelings arise. Isolation is the last thing I need to do, at least isolating myself from God, Amy, and the men in my life who walk with me in this journey. Opening up today and yesterday to Amy and two friends of mine was a huge help to me. Isolating myself from potentially vulnerable situations isn't a bad idea, though. Avoiding temptation is a must, while being prepared for it BEFORE it comes my way.

Which ones do you need to guard against and be accountable to/transparent with others about? Don't wait until you are nearing the "point of no return" to get help and open up to those in your life who can encourage you and hold you accountable. 

"The point of walking with God is not to arrive, but to walk with God." Rev. M. Craig Barnes

Small World

We live in a "small world," or at least it seems that way sometimes. This becomes more of a reality when you run into someone you don't want to see. You could be in another state or even another country and think you will not see someone you know; but that isn't always a guarantee. Or, you could run into someone you love and admire and never thought you would see. Your past and the type of relationship you had with that person plays a big part in how you will feel when you see them.

Last night, I ran into some people from my old home town. Thankfully it was a good "reuniting" so to speak. I didn't avoid them or feel the need to walk the other way. I had a good talk with them and was able to catch up.

It reminded me of two important things I need to take seriously:

One, aim to seek my "regrets" list from growing any longer. The less "messes" I create, the better my life experiences will be. Living in sin and wreaking havoc on myself and those around me leads to stress, shame, and embarrassment. It can take years, or even a lifetime to work through and heal from. God can use it for good, but it won't come without doing some serious personal and spiritual work.

Two, keep trying to make peace with others and my past as much as possible. Running from my past and trying to keep every painful and uncomfortable memory of it "contained" doesn't work. There are constant reminders everywhere, most of which I can't control. Therefore, the more I deal with the pain of my past and seek reconciliation, healing and restoration, the better my life experiences. I won't have to keep spending wasted energy trying to keep the "reminders" at bay. I can take seriously my recovery and "thriving" journey, while doing the first step of preventing more "regrets" from happening.

God gives us commands, promises, and guidance on how to live a life that honors Him, enables us to experience His peace and joy and abundance, and protects us from evil and harm. I've tried it my way, and it doesn't work well. I want His way. It turns out better for everyone His way. He is honored, people are drawn to a relationship with Him, and much good comes as a result. I am a slow, "work in progress."
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Romans 6:21-23, English Standard Version (ESV)

²¹ But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. ²² But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. ²³ For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Good Advice

Saw this today while getting Amy's oil changed. Good stuff for a lube place. Any place or person actually. 

Relief

Since Tuesday, I have felt at peace, joyful, and overall have been upbeat and positive. Monday, not so much. Monday morning I woke up feeling overwhelmed, a bit angry at God, and full of self-pity. I went to the gym to work out, though my heart wasn't in it. On the way home, I broke down and had a bit of a heated vent session with the Lord, followed quickly by surrender and giving over to him the struggle I was feeling. I basically begged Him for some relief and to answer my prayers. It was out of desperation I will admit.

I don't like feeling that way. I want to be full of joy, contentment, passion, purpose, and happiness. I even told God that it would best for everyone around me for me to feel that way. :)   A lot of that is up to me. Some of it is learning how to navigate life in the transition between where I was and where He is taking me; growing pains so to speak. It's not supposed to be easy, but I don't want to lose heart or lack faith in the midst of it.

What happened after my vent session and outburst? He answered. He actually answered my prayer and gave me relief. How overwhelmingly humbling. My surprise in His answer to my prayer reveals my lack of child-like faith and momentary lapse in focusing more on my shame and doubt, rather than His truth. How or why would I be surprised. He is a good Father.

I am grateful that God answered my prayers and gave me some relief. Nothing major changed in the details of my circumstances, but it proved to me once again (as if He needs to prove Himself) that God has not forsaken me/us, and He answers prayers in His time, His way. My role is to seek, pursue, delight, ask, obey, trust, and submit to His leading. He is fully aware of what's best. When I participate in His life and rest in Him and His truth, all is "well with my soul."

Psalm 13 (see below) is a great prayer to reflect my experience this week. I am so thankful for the Psalms and King David. I can relate all too well. 
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Psalm 13, The Message (MSG)

A David Psalm

13 ^1-2 Long enough, God—
    you’ve ignored me long enough.
I’ve looked at the back of your head
    long enough. Long enough
I’ve carried this ton of trouble,
    lived with a stomach full of pain.
Long enough my arrogant enemies
    have looked down their noses at me.

^3-4 Take a good look at me, God, my God;
    I want to look life in the eye,
So no enemy can get the best of me
    or laugh when I fall on my face.

^5-6 I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms—
    I’m celebrating your rescue.
I’m singing at the top of my lungs,
    I’m so full of answered prayers.

Forgiven

This was emailed to me from the company that our men's group got their curriculum from (www.christianleadershipconcepts.org). It is a tear-jerker and reveals in me that which I long to be and do as a person and father, though I often miss the mark. I hope you are as encouraged as I was to be all that God wants you to be, and to live a life of light and salt and forgiveness and grace.
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FORGIVEN

The following true story was written by a close friend of Craig’s…

Today I was working register #1 and saw a little girl who was a miniature Shirley Temple with brown hair. I mean, the curly hair, rosy cheeks. I was waiting for her to break into "Good Ship Lollipop."

I noticed she was standing very still and was obviously fighting back tears. In one hand, she held a small book, "Yertle the Turtle," and a pen that read "Teachers are the Heart of Learning" in the other. There were probably 4 people waiting in line behind her, all within eavesdropping distance.

As I looked down at this precious little girl, she laid the two items on the counter, looked up at me, mustering all the courage a 5 year old could and said something to me so softly I couldn't understand her. So, I said, "I'm sorry sweetie. What did you say?" I leaned down closer so I could hear her. Her chin quivered as she whispered, "I wanted these. But I took them without paying for them." Okay...oh man...I knew exactly what was going on. I just prayed all those in line would understand my taking some extra time. I walked around the counter and got down on my knees so we would be eye to eye. I feigned extreme seriousness and said, "Well, little one, how do you feel about it?" Her sigh was almost a sob. "Bad." "Are you sorry for taking those things without paying for them?" The little curly head nodded, "Yes, sir." "Are you going to do that again?" Her voice was as broken as her heart. "No sir."

"Well, you know, I've done some things in my life I shouldn't have. But you know what? Jesus forgave me for doing those bad things. And I know He forgives you. So I forgive you too, little friend. Thank you for bringing those things back and being honest. That was the best thing you could have done. You're a very, very good girl."

She didn't seem totally convinced as she turned to leave. She got about 4 steps away from me when I said, "Hey." She turned back. "Can I have a hug?"

Then I saw the dimples. She literally ran to me and buried her little head in my shoulder. As I held her close, I could feel her tears hit my neck. I looked up to see a tall man, Dad, at the end of the counter with tears in his eyes, his lower lip quivering. As she walked away, he said, "Okay. Let's go home."

I stood and turned to see about 10 people wiping their eyes. We all stood there for a few minutes, nobody ready to check out, and talked about which Maxwell House Commercial made us cry hardest.

"If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us of our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

Grateful for You! 

Craig Fry

CLC President

Meakness is not Weakness

Interesting concept I read about this morning. Meakness is not weakness. It is strength and power that has been disciplined and is under control (praus). A true demonstration of humility. 

Sometimes shame and humility get confused. Shame operates from weakness, defeat, insecurity and inadequacy. Meak-ness and humility operate from strength, proper perspective, discipline, and freedom. I want more meak-ness and humility; shame is not welcome anymore!  

<sup>Matthew 5:5 (The Message)

5</sup> “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

Pay the Price or Enjoy the Benefits

Recently I listened for a 2nd time to a CD by Zig  Ziglar called, "Born to Win." Excellent stuff. He's been an inspiration to millions throughout his life. I have heard about him for years, but for some reason I never read a book or listened to an audio by him until this year. I missed out on a blessing for sure.

The audio is full  of rich material, but one particular thought he shared is (paraphrase):

You don't pay the price for success. You pay the price for failure. You enjoy the benefits of success as you work toward it every day. 

Isn't that so true? Failure comes with a high price. Not working on personal and spiritual development every day comes with a high price. Giving into sin, shame, doubt, fear, temptation, etc. comes with a high price.

Success, trust, obedience, and personal growth in Christ, however, reaps tremendous benefits. Living in Christ's truth and freedom is way more enjoyable and a blessing. I've paid the high price for failure. I've seen the enjoyment of personal development and letting Christ work in and through me. I prefer the enjoyment side much more than the failure side for sure!

I am still living with consequences from my years of sin. I am also in the slow process of overcoming years of spiritual and personal neglect. I want to enjoy the benefits of success, even if it takes years. This is easier to type than it is to live out, so I have to go back to THE SOURCE daily.
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Colossians 3:25, Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

²⁵ For the wrongdoer will be paid back for whatever wrong he has done, and there is no favoritism.

Galatians 5:1, Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

5 Christ has liberated us to be free. Stand firm then and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Life's Greatest Paradox

Simply stated, life's greatest paradox can be summed up in the words...

True strength is found in humility.

Richard E. Simmons, III, The True Measure of a Man.
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2 Corinthians 12

My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.

Ball field, bedroom, and billfold

From the book, The True Measure of a Man...

Joe (Coach Ehrmann) had a catchy way of summarizing our cultural progression of false masculinity - 'from ball field to bedroom, to billfold.' What too many good men fail to realize is that this approach to life is utter foolishness. The ball field, the bedroom, and the wallet are merely outward experiences that fail to translate into permanent inner fulfillment and contentment. Furthermore, as time goes by, the ball field, the bedroom, and the wallet are never able to convince us in our innermost being that we truly measure up as men.

Over the past three years, God has been working on me in all three of these areas - the ball field, the bedroom, and the billfold (money). I believe that I have experienced lots of growth (but still need to grow) on the "ball field," as a coach and dad, and in my hobbies and recreation. I have grown (and still need to grow) in my sexuality and sexual  purity, while maintaining good accountability and heart transformation. The third component, the billfold, is where God is at work on me now. In many ways, it has been the hardest to let go of and change. It's why my emotional turmoil is so high lately.

Money triggers all sorts of strong emotions for me, many not good ones. Letting go of my failure as a provider and trusting in the Lord's leadership and security is no easy task. I know I have a role to play in earning a living, but in many ways, I feel that I need to destroy the idolatry in my heart and let God have His way. I want to stop looking to money for security. It doesn't work. Having a good bit of money is not a bad thing in and of itself. It sure beats having none or very little. 

Money has no morals. It reveals what's in our heart. It can be used for good and for evil. I want to thrive financially so I can be a blessing to my family and others. I want to give freely, cheerfully, and not let money dictate my mood or security or masculinity. I also want to be joyful, content appropriately, and trust in God's provision NO MATTER WHAT THE BANK ACCOUNT SHOWS. The Apostle Paul learned to be content in his financial circumstances. That's what I want. 

The ball field, the bedroom, and the billfold - three areas of a man's life that can be a huge stumbling block or an area of victory and honor to the Lord. I wish to honor the Lord in all three and not be "burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Letting go is hard when I focus on the wrong things. God is good. God is trustworthy. He is for me. Why doubt? I believe, Lord, help my unbelief. 

The weight of consequences

I am feeling the weight of the consequences of my sin very heavily lately, and I can see the toll it has taken on Amy. It is really hard to see because I can't seem to fix it or ease it for her. I know God is with us and is at work. I know He cares and has sustained us thus far, and will continue to guide us toward His plans. It's still hard to walk through, admittedly. Pray that our faith, hope, peace, joy, courage, wisdom, and trust will grow and be renewed each day.
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Hebrews 11:1, The Message (MSG)

Faith in What We Don’t See

11 ^1-2 The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.

Character and Reputation

"Our reputation is the way other people see us, while our character is who we really are. If the focus of our lives is on the development of our character and the maturing of our souls, then our reputation will take care of itself." Richard E. Simmons, III, The True Measure of a Man.

I feel like my reputation has several parts - childhood through high school, college, post-college up until my "fallout" of August 2011, and now here in North MS. It would be nice if my "before Christ" life and my "after Christ" life was WAY different, but sadly I committed some of my worst sins as a believer in Christ, even as a minister. Not cool and contradicts the gospel of Christ quite terribly.

Now, I am working hard to let God have His way in my heart and transform all areas of my life that need His Lordship. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about my reputation (as the quote above references), but I do wonder about it from time to time. I know, though, that to spend too much time focusing on my reputation is a waste of time and energy. My main goal is to have character development and maturity. Seeking to improve my reputation, while growing as a person of character is a worthy pursuit when done in proper perspective as a follower of Christ. I need wisdom in this for sure. 

I want people to see Christ reflected in me. I want to express joy and gratitude as a believer. I want to be bold in my faith and not waiver. I want to live with the fruit of the Spirit clearly shining through me. I want it to be real and not just a "public image." Therefore, I want to let God mature my soul and heal my character, transforming me into the man He desires. That process, by default, is slow, steady, and takes a lifetime.

I am not satisfied with how I am doing in my faith journey since I feel like I have a long way to go. However, I am grateful for where I am compared to where I could be or where I probably should be. God is gracious, patient, and kind. He is at work in and around me, and that is simply amazing. I don't want to waste His grace."Open the flood gates of Heaven; let it rain!"
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Ephesians 2:8-9, New International Version (NIV)

⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast.