"What do you want me to do?"

I learned a while back that I need to stop asking Amy the question, "What do you want me to do?" It never went over well with her, and signified my lack of leadership, my lack of confidence, and my lack of submission to Christ's leadership. According to the Bible (Ephesians 5), I need to ask Christ Jesus that question, not my wife. I have been called to follow Christ's leading, and then in return, lead my wife and family; not as a dictator or jerk, but as a humble servant, who "out of reverence for Christ" also submits to her love and needs.

Instead of needing her to tell me what to do, I can ask her, "What's going on in your heart? What do you feel God is speaking to you about? How can I help you in your walk with Christ, and better serve you? What are your dreams and hopes that Christ has put in your heart? What are your fears and concerns that are weighing you down?"

At the same time, I can ask her questions such as, "What areas in my walk with Christ and as a husband and father concern you or bother you, and appear to be contradictory to God's will and scriptural commands? What do you see God doing in me that is encouraging to you? What needs do you have that I seem to be neglecting or overlooking, or can pray with you about?"

I can also humbly confess to her my struggles, fears, concerns, while also telling her what I sense God is leading me to do, what He is teaching and showing me, and what I am doing to seek Him and His wisdom and direction. If I mope around and wallow in shame and self-pity, then it helps no one. It actually reduces my ability to seek Christ and hear from Him, while it also creates tension and a loss of connection with Amy and my children.

I typically stink as a leader of my home, BUT I am on a mission to overcome this fear, insecurity, and years of failure. With the help of other men, the Holy Spirit, the Bible, and my wife and family, I want to grow daily in this hugely important role and calling.
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Ephesians 5:23 (The Message)

^22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.