There is something very real about the 18 to 24 month period of
adultery recovery. Many couples it seems have lost the battle to survive
and recovery from adultery during this time frame. Why is that?
Well,
I can't say for sure, but there are some strong possibilities that my
wife Amy and I have experienced that makes sense to us:
1. The initial months, even year or so, is VERY overwhelming.
It seems that God provides extra doses of grace and allows us to endure
those early times. There is NO WAY to deal with everything all at once.
It's too much. It is a process that takes times and work. I believe the
initial stages of recovery are vitally important. Getting things out in
the open and trying to deal with it as openly and fully as possible is
key. Sweeping it under the "rug" and brushing past the hard work in the
early months can cost you dearly later. It seems that when this pain and
harsh reality of betrayal is buried alive, it makes its way out into
the open around the 20 to 24 month period. You no longer can keep it
pushed down and hidden. It has to come out at some point and when it
does, it isn't "pretty." That's why it is best to do this in the
beginning of the discovery of the affair.
2. It signifies another chapter of grieving beyond the initial crisis.
In our first year or two of recovery, we experienced some very DARK and
painful days. We also experienced some amazing reconnecting and growth
days. God showed up and transformed us personally and in our marriage
relationship. Now, we are in the 20 to 24 month period. Last week was
probably one of the hardest weeks we've had since the first few months
following the discovery of my affairs. It was ROUGH! We were not sure
how much more we could endure. By God's grace we were able to make it
through it and talk about it FINALLY. It is the painful reality of
adultery recovery. There will still be hard days, painful reminders
(i.e. triggers), and ups and downs. We've had way more ups than downs
thankfully. God is faithful. If we will continue to talk openly with
each other, trust in God and rely on Him, and stay in the fight, then I
believe we will survive the first two years and bust through the 20 to
24 month period.
Don't give up hope. God is more
interested in your marriage working out than you are. He is for you. Let
Him do His work in you, through you, and despite you. Trust His
promises. Lean on Him and not your own understanding. He is able to do
far more than you expect or maybe even believe.
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