How Fathers Lose Their Children's Hearts

I want my children's hearts. I want their hearts to be open to God's love and life. I don't know how well I am accomplishing this, but it's weighing heavy on my mind these days. In the book, The Resolution for Men, they ask two questions in chapter 6 about having your child's heart:

• How well do you have your children's hearts? 
• How sure are your children that they have yours? 

I can't with full confidence answer these two questions. After a very frustrating morning of feeling a bit disappointed with the boys actions after church, I decided that my Encouragement Vs Correction Ratio is way off. I have gotten heavy on correction and light on encouragement. Not my desire. I've let some frustrations build and have some work to do in my own parenting "habits" to turn this around. Change in this area starts with me, not my children.

While driving, I made a sarcastic remark (for the 2nd time this week) to the boys friend when one of them didn't know what something was - I said, "He must be home schooled." I said this statement the other day to a friend of ours as well. It was sarcasm directed at me as their teacher and not a criticism of them. However, I told Collin that it was not a criticism of him, but when I asked if it felt like it was a criticism of him, he said yes. I apologized and said it was not intended to be and admitted I shouldn't have said it.

I have work to do. I use sarcasm way too much. I know better. It's become a habit. It has led to the boys being confused at times if I am being serious or joking. This is not a good thing. Sarcasm needs to be used sparingly. It rarely has positive effects on children. We can have fun without constant sarcasm.

Yesterday, I decided to do something "out of the norm" while riding in the truck. It's something that needs to be done more often so it's less awkward for me or the children. On the way home, I told the three boys (my two and a friend of theirs) that I wanted to say encouraging things to them and them to each other. Collin seemed to misunderstand what I meant and thought he would get in trouble for "sharing his feelings." I need to do a better job leading in this area. I want my children to know how to be assertive and open with their feelings in a loving, respectful way. I don't want them to be "Yes men," or jerks. It's a hard balance.

Anyway, I shared a list of 5 or 6 things I liked or appreciated/valued about each of them. I don't know how much impact it had on them, but it's something that I have neglected to do on a regular basis. Purposeful parenting and building up each of my children is an area I want to strengthen. I want their hearts to FEEL and experience my love regularly. I want my discipline to lead them to repentance and growth. I want them to trust me and allow me (and Amy) to lead them. I want them to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and mind. I want them to see my love for God lived out daily in my relationship with them, Amy and others.

In Chapter 6 of the book, they share ten ways fathers can lose the hearts of their children. They later share how to win their hearts. These have been good for me to read and read again. I want to let God show me the areas of my heart that need mending. I want my parenting habits to honor the Lord and help my children grow and thrive. I don't want to make it harder for them to trust me or the Lord. Below are the ten things that fathers "do to anger and lose the hearts of their children." Refer to the book for more detailed explanations of each. May the Lord use them in me and you to lead us to repentance and toward a more honoring role as fathers (or mothers) in the lives of children:


How Fathers Lose Their Hearts
1. Your absence
2. Your anger
3. Unjust discipline
4. Harsh criticism
5. Lack of compassion
6. Favortism
7. Hypocrisy
8. Hurting their mother
9. Misunderstanding
10. Unrealistic expectations
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"If your child believes he can't please you, he'll eventually quit trying ... God can graciously redeem our many failures for good, provided we recognize those failures and confess them. Too many men refuse to apologize because they're trying to save face and don't want to look bad. But their pride is only making matters worse. Dads who admit their shortcomings don't lose their children's trust. They gain it." (Kendrick, p.109)

Run from Adultery!

10 Reasons to FLEE from adultery:  
From The Resolution for Men (Appendix 3, page 231-232)

1. Grieving my Lord
2. Disgracing the gospel
3. Destroying my reputation
4. Breaking precious hearts
5. Losing priceless possessions
6. Poisoning my conscience
7. Forcing God's judgment
8. Producing untold shame
9. Discrediting future effectiveness
10. Creating tangible consequences

I have experienced all of these in many ways. Trusting God's Word and warnings are always the best option. He gives them to us as an act of love and care. He knows the damage sin causes. He came to set us free from sin. He's not holding out on us. He has blessed us "with every spiritual blessing" in Christ. He gave us all of Himself. See Ephesians 1 and 2 for confirmation of this.

Going against Him and His ways always leads to problems. The good news is that God's grace is always available. His grace doesn't take away the consequences of our sin, but it helps us live through the recovery. He can do good things despite our sin - if we will allow Him to do so. Though my consequences could have been much worse, there is NOTHING in me that wants to go back down that path of adultery. It's never worth it. Period.
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Proverbs 6:32-33, New American Standard Bible (NASB)

³² The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking ^[a]sense;
He who would destroy ^[b]himself does it.
³³ Wounds and disgrace he will find,
And his reproach will not be blotted out.

Happily Ever After

This is the first thing I noticed in my bedroom when I got home from a two day trip to the deer "camp" with the boys. What a blessing it was to see. Amy bought it this week. I am a blessed man. What God has done and is doing is nothing short of a miracle.
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Mark 10:9 (CJB), ⁹ So then, no one should break apart what God has joined together.”

Deer Camp With The Boys

For the past two days I have been at our family land with my two boys, my two nephews, my brother in law and my dad. The boys love to come here and experience country living (well, somewhat country living). 

4 wheeler riding, Bon fires, armadillo hunting, squirrel hunting, deer hunting, wrestling, grilling hamburgers/hot dogs, shooting guns and just being in the outdoors and not stuck inside with an electronic "babysitter."  Even our dog loves it here!

Though we occasionally have to tell them to "be careful" due to the many dangers of the farm and ATVs, overall it's very easy and they do well. Hopefully they are learning many lessons. Even seeing millions of stars last night is a reflection of Gods awesome creation. 

Unfortunately, I briefly got upset yesterday morning with my two boys and wish I would have reacted more gently. Thankfully I asked The Lord to intervene and help me choose a more lovingly and gracious attitude. He answered and the rest of the day was great. My momentary "irritableness" came and went very quickly. That "irritability" monster shows up at random times. I wish it to be dead but since it may not, I wish to take it captive unto Christ quickly!

Today we head back home after a morning squirrel hunt. I am ready to shave and get a hot shower. Plus, sleeping in my own bed will be great, especially since I am ready to see Amy. I've missed her. 

God is very good to us. I often miss His acts of kindness in the daily experiences of life. However, when I recognize them and receive them well, then I am blessed and my trust and delight in Him is strengthened. 

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Matthew 3:16-17 (NIV)

"As soon as Jesus was baptized, He went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lightning on Him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is My Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased."

Merry Christmas!

Have yourself a merry little Christmas!

Holy Matrimony

A second chance. That's what I have received. Years of darkness and shame, will hopefully now be replaced by grace, love, compassion, freedom, and a lasting legacy as a follower of Christ, husband, and father. I see what God can do with a life of obedience and trust. I also see what sin can do when it's allowed to reign in my life.

Reading chapter 6 of The Resolution for Men, I was reminded about the incredible privilege and high honor of marriage. I was also reminded of how I failed to view it as this and treat it as such.
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Characteristics of marriage according to Scripture are: Holy, set apart, a reflection of God's love for us, joyful, romantic, satisfying, significant, priceless, pure, character building, service to God and one another, commitment, self-sacrifice, sanctifying, protecting, and more.

Characteristics of marriage according to the world: ball and chain, burdensome, disappointing, dread, boring, devaluing of men, lack of commitment, hostile, tense, self-serving, unprotected, devalued, impure, conflict invoking, easy to end, and more.
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I need to be reminded and taught about the holiness of marriage. It's not something I ponder on daily because it's not really talked about much. It's definitely not a cultural trend. Our culture and world think quite the opposite. Adultery, divorce, abuse, abandonment, living like "roommates," boredom, hatred toward one another, etc. - these are the things we hear about often.

I want my marriage to be holy, pure, set apart, a reflection of God's love through Christ, and a fulfilling, satisfying relationship with my wife that is deep, committed and long lasting. I have some ground to make up, but I am thankful to even have the opportunity to build a holy marriage with Amy.

Kendrick says in chapter 6 about the holiness of marriage:

When you got married, you were declaring your wife holy unto you. That doesn't mean she's perfect. But you set her apart in your eyes above all the other women on the face of the earth. She became your prized possession for you to cherish, love, and protect for the rest of your life. And it is your responsibility to guard and keep her in that holy place of honor. If you belittle her or treat her in harsh, unloving ways, you are not just acting badly. You are profaning the treasure God has given you.

Prized possession. Treasure. How many men would say this about their wives? Not enough men.  I didn't for a long time. I now see Amy as this. My eyes have been opened. I want to help her feel cherished and like a treasure. I want to lead her and help her grow in Christ. I want to support her, protect her, pray for her, and love her fully.

Apart from Christ, this is wishful thinking. However, as Christ transforms me and equips me, while doing the same in and through Amy, we both get to experience His love more fully. Then, our marriage becomes a greater reflection of who He is and the gospel. That's what I want my children to see lived out here "behind closed doors."

By treating your wife as holy, and sex as holy, and everything about your marriage as holy, you place yourself and your spouse on a path that leads to blessing, friendship, respect, satisfaction, fulfillment, and togetherness. You experience what it really means to be in holy matrimony.

Marriage takes on a whole new meaning and purpose when thought of in these terms. It becomes more than just "duty," carpooling kids around, household chores, and other mundane acts of marriage. It's way bigger than those things. Those are only pieces of the puzzle. God has huge plans for marriage. The world is attacking marriages, but probably because our marriages as believers in Christ are so fragile.

If I took seriously my calling and command to love my wife as Christ loved the church, and other men did the same, then it would be amazing to see what would happen in our world.There's no doubt it would be difficult. It couldn't be done alone. Change starts with me. I want to experience more fully God's design of marriage and see beyond myself and the mundane. I believe Lord, help my unbelief.
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Isaiah 9:6-7, NASB

⁶ For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us;
And the government will ^[a]rest on His shoulders;
And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.
⁷ There will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace,
On the throne of David and over his kingdom,
To establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness
From then on and forevermore.
The zeal of the Lord of hosts will accomplish this.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Standing by my Miracle

We went to visit family this weekend and had a great time. Sunday morning we were able to attend church at Pinelake reservoir campus (www.pinelake.org). It was awesome. This is where we went to church after our marriage "earthquake" hit on August 2011. It was a very helpful place God used to bring us healing.

This Sundays sermon was part of a series called Miracles. Powerful sermon on Joseph's perspective as the father of Jesus and the difficulties of His coming. Forgiveness was the overarching theme and "miracle." God forgiving us through Jesus and reconciling us to Himself was the greatest miracle of all. In turn, as an overflow of grace and obedience, He leads us to offer forgiveness and seek reconciliation with others, including family. This is a critical BUT very challenging task that usually takes tremendous faith and courage to accomplish. I struggle to do it well.

Chip Henderson concluded the sermon by pointing out Gods work in families all throughout the building, and said "You may even be standing by your miracle." I, in fact, was standing by my miracle - my wife Amy and our children, and even her family. I was flooded with emotion as I looked back on the journey we've been on. "But for the grace of God, where would I be?" kept going through my mind.

I am grateful I get to celebrate this Christmas with my family. God performed a miracle in our life. He allowed us to participate in it, and continues to prove His faithfulness and love. It is a merry Christmas for sure! Regardless of life's stresses and other uncertainties, we are blessed beyond measure. I pray that I will daily find ways to "pay it forward," starting at my home with Amy and the children, and then beyond.
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Matthew 1: 18-25 - The Nativity of the Messiah

¹⁸ The birth of Jesus Christ came about this way: After His mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, it was discovered before they came together that she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit. ¹⁹ So her husband Joseph, being a righteous man, and not wanting to disgrace her publicly, decided to divorce her secretly.
²⁰ But after he had considered these things, an angel of the Lord suddenly appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, don’t be afraid to take Mary as your wife, because what has been conceived in her is by the Holy Spirit. ²¹ She will give birth to a son, and you are to name Him Jesus,^[i] because He will save His people from their sins.”
²² Now all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet:

²³ See, the virgin will become pregnant
and give birth to a son,
and they will name Him Immanuel,^[j]

which is translated “God is with us.”

²⁴ When Joseph got up from sleeping, he did as the Lord’s angel had commanded him. He married her ²⁵ but did not know her intimately until she gave birth to a son.^[k] And he named Him Jesus.

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Merry Christmas Eve Eve!!

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for The Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Men- "Your marriage is your responsibility"

Reading the book The Resolutuon for Men is reminding me of some great truths, and hard realities. 

Over the past few weeks I have realized how much I want Amy's approval, AND to lead her and our family. Leading though may cause some hard feelings when leading doesn't feel so loving or pleasant. 

I also know that I have failed to lead Amy and our children well, and I have lacked courage and strength. My desire to have Amy's approval didn't show in my actions or attitude. In my mind I felt I I didn't have her approval, so I pulled away and acted selfishly and sinfully. Thus, getting Amy's approval was even more difficult to obtain. A viscous cycle no doubt. 

Look at these words from the book that indicate this very issue in marriages when men don't lead:

"God has put something into men that longs to be courageous. And when a man uses that courage to lead his wife well, she tends to bloom. She respects him more and experiences a greater sense of security. She'll want to follow his lead, and she will feel safe in doing so. 

But when a wife lives with a leadership void, she will feel constantly pulled into this position of filling it. As she leads her husband, not only does her respect for him weaken, he tends to cower and become even more passive over time. She can be brilliant and strong but both of them will feel resentment toward each other and less secure together."

This happened in our marriage. I failed to lead well. Now after years of not leading, it is challenging to start. However, it is a daily pursuit that starts with me and The Lord. I expect it to not be easy for me, for  Amy or the children, BUT it is worthwhile and best. 

Mark 10:42-45

Leadership

I want to be a leader in my home, my marriage, with my children, in my career, etc. It's not something I feel overly confident or competent in, but I am pursuing it. One resource I am using to work through this is The Resolution for Men book. I've read through it before, but like most things I've read, I have to re-read,re-apply and re-assess to overcome my mindset and hindrances.

In chapter 5 of the book, it talks about leadership as a man, husband, father, etc. There are some great insights and truths in the book, based on Biblical principles, particularly the story of Joshua, who God called to lead after Moses' death. Here is an exert from the book that spoke loudly to me this morning:

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Seven times in the midst of his charge of leadership, God encouraged Joshua with the same defining challenge..."Be strong and courageous." Why did God want Joshua to hear these words so many times? Because He knew that a leader tends to become overwhelmed, afraid, and passive. He knew that strength and courage are fundamental ingredients to become the leader a man should be.

Leaders are the ones who take courage. People will follow a leader eve if he doesn't have it all together. But they won't follow a man without courage, because a man without courage won't lead.

The Devil himself will tell you that you don't have what it takes to lead your marriage or your family. He will point out your mistakes and failures of the past. He will play up your lack of understanding and your uncertainty about the future. He will highlight your feelings of fear and inadequacy. And he will convince you to take the easy way - to disengage and become passive, to let somebody else handle it this time. And next time.

But leadership is not about expertise or perfection or public opinion; it's about courage - the courage to trust God, to do the right thing, to stand alone, to maintain forward momentum, not to cave under pressure, to get back up after being knocked down, again, and again, and again.

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"...because a man without courage won't lead." What a sobering reality. Lord, help me learn to lead with strength and courage, no matter what! 

"Do-It-Now Habit"

Here's an article I received by email this week that I wanted to pass on to you. 

Develop the Do-It-Now Habit
by Tom Hopkins

Self-discipline really encompasses nearly everything in life. Do you remember in school when you were given 30 days to write a term paper? Did you start it that first night?

Most of us didn’t. Instead, we thought about it every night. “Got to get moving on that ratty project. But I’ve got almost a whole month left—it can wait.” At first the pain of starting the term paper is greater than our concern about the failing grade, so after a week we still haven’t started. Two weeks go by. What are we doing every night before we go to sleep? Worrying about that F. “I better start. Tomorrow I’ll get moving on it.”

A week before the term paper is due, the F is getting larger—but it’s still not quite large enough to offset the pain of working at preventing it. All of a sudden there are only three days left before it’s due, and at last the F looms larger than the pain of working on the term paper. So we start.

As you lay it out, you begin feeling some enthusiasm. “This isn’t bad. I may get an A if I do this and do that.” When you walk in with your paper, you’re happy, but you wasted 27 days worrying about starting. In other words, you operated at a deficit emotionally for 27 days when you could have been in the profit column the whole time.

Move into the emotional profit column right now; starting today, get your priority tasks and actions handled promptly. Plan your actions, then act on your plans. Apply this determination to every area of your life and it will make an enormous difference in your income, growth rate in business as well as your satisfaction and growth rate personally. 

The portrait of a man who was being called the Whiz Kid on Wall Street appeared on the cover of a national magazine many years ago. He was one of the first to put a conglomerate together, and some of the federal laws affecting business in the early ’70s came about because of the trends that his creativity set off. At the time he was 42; he was running one of the largest industrial combines in the country, the conglomerate he had built himself. So the magazine had assigned a journalist and a team of researchers to do an in-depth report on this entrepreneur.

One of the researchers went to the small city the dynamic executive had left 15 years earlier. A few items turned up there about an alcoholic with the same name who had been sleeping on park benches at that time. The researcher passed this information along, and as the journalist was concluding his interview with the Wall Street powerhouse in his plush office, the journalist laughed and said, “Believe it or not, a man with your exact name was sleeping on park benches and getting ousted by the police when you lived in your home town. I guess the poor guy was a real wino. Isn’t that something?”

The president looked up and smiled. “That was me,” he said. The reporter was flabbergasted. “This can’t be. You’re kidding.” The president of the conglomerate leaned back in his leather chair and shook his head. “I’m not kidding. The wino sleeping off drinks on park benches was me.”

The journalist realized that now he had a whole new story. When his apologies were waved aside, he said, “I have to ask, what made you change?”

Listen to what he said because so many people fit this mold: “When I was sleeping under newspapers in the park 15 years ago, I knew that someday I would do what I’m doing now. I was just waiting until I was ready to start.”

Do you know how many people are like that? “Well, next year’s my year. I’m going to get to work then. You just wait and see—right after the first of the year I’m gonna start shaping up.” But, of course, the time to get going never quite comes for most people. They have good intentions, but are lacking the two most vital components of any good deed: the motivation to begin and a strategic plan to keep them moving forward.

You see, by not beginning, you’re not risking failure, but you’re also confining yourself to the level of success you currently have. If you’re happy with that, fine. If not, make that plan and get fired up! If your potential for greater success is nagging at you, don’t wait. Time is flying by so fast. Start today to achieve the greatness you know is within you.

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A question I have for myself and you, too:

What has God called you to do that you are hesitating to do because of fear, worry, doubt, or insecurity? (Trust His heart and power, rather than your emotions. I'm preaching to the "choir" here. It is something I am striving for daily).

Jeremiah 29:11-13

 

Love Songs to My "Boyfriend"

Yesterday I was able to work at the house and paint our stairwell walls and foyer, plus hang a ceiling fan. The walls are over 15 feet high, so it was an interesting task. Thankfully a friend of ours loaned me his tall ladder. After 10 hours, I got the first coat of paint done and the ceiling fan hung. I just need to touch up the edges and call it done (hopefully).

While working, I had the house to myself and decided to listen to a Matt Chandler sermon on Advent, and then had the Itunes praise and worship radio playing. While listening, I couldn't but think about something Ryan Dobson said on AFR (American Family Radio) a few weeks ago when he and Dr. Dobson were interviewing someone about why men struggle at church. He said (paraphrase), "It feels like I am singing love songs to my boyfriend." (aka Jesus Christ).

The guy they were interviewing talked about how church and the worship service, including the songs, is generally geared toward women (not always). The decor, music choice, etc. are typically more appealing to women than to men. I have often felt this to be true. There is even a book called, Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow. Here's an exert from the book:

I want to read the book and see the list of reasons men struggle with church. I am sure I would agree with many of them. I also recognize that some things may not bother me because they aren't a "hill worth dying on." The key for me would be to aim for a win-win, for women, teens, men, and even children.

Anyway, as I listened to the worship songs yesterday, I remembered what Ryan Dobson said about singing songs to his "boyfriend," which he was talking about was Jesus. I love praise and worship music, but Ryan is right. A lot of the songs sound like "love songs" that could easily be sung to a woman. Heck, a lot of them would be very romantic if you put them in a different setting or context. I am not very romantic I admit. I have never sung a love song to Amy. I have made her a play list of love songs. Does that count? I hope so! :)

Below are some examples of great worship songs that have a "less than appealing" male perspective. I am not trying to mock or criticize them. I love most of these songs. It is just a way of showing that most men can't comfortably sing "love songs" to another man, even if it is Jesus. Maybe it's a heart issue. Maybe it's a gender issue. Maybe it's the way our culture has shifted and has downplayed masculinity. Hard to know. We each must search our own hearts and ask the LORD to show us any way in us that is not honoring to Him or is out of sync with His truth.

Example #1: All I Want

Lord I love the way You love me
And how You move me deep within
Lord I love the way You hold me
And draw me into You
Lord I love the way You bless me
And how You look into my heart
Lord I love the way You lead me
Right into Your arms

Example #2: Draw Me Close to You

Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend

You are my desire
No one else will do
'Cause nothing else could take Your place

To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You

You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near

Example #3: Keep Singing

Another rainy day
I can't recall having sunshine on my face
All I feel is pain
All I wanna do is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck and I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through

I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
Your the one that's keeping my heart beating
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
That's the only way that I'll find healing

Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing

Example #4: Here I Am

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness.
Opened my eyes, let me see.
Beauty that made this heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You

Here I am to worship,
Here I am to bow down,
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy,
Altogether wonderful to me

These are just a few examples. I am not trying to be negative or ruin these songs, I promise. Like I said, I love most of them. I also realize that men struggle in church and there's good reasons why. We as men struggle to lead and make our relationship with Jesus a top priority. I certainly have struggled with this.

I don't see Jesus as my "boyfriend." He is my rock, my fortress, my King, my Savior, my deliverer, my friend, my Shepherd and my brother. He is powerful and mighty. There are a lot of great worship songs that reflect this truth. There are also a lot that sound a bit too romantic. Help us Lord Jesus sort all of this out!
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Psalm 150, The Message (MSG)

^1-6 Hallelujah!
Praise God in his holy house of worship,
    praise him under the open skies;
Praise him for his acts of power,
    praise him for his magnificent greatness;
Praise with a blast on the trumpet,
    praise by strumming soft strings;
Praise him with castanets and dance,
    praise him with banjo and flute;
Praise him with cymbals and a big bass drum,
    praise him with fiddles and mandolin.
Let every living, breathing creature praise God!
    Hallelujah!

1 + 3 = Awesome!

This weekend, Amy and I went to her sister's old house to pick up a couch, love seat and other miscellaneous items to help them better sell their house. The snow was beautiful, though her driveway was more like an ice skating rink. It was a great time together as a couple, and somehow, we made it home with the furniture still in tact.

It would have been some humorous video footage of Amy and I moving those couches by ourselves. It took lots of straining and maneuvering, but we finally got it all loaded up. It nearly did us in! I asked her on the way home if it would have been such a peaceful weekend a few years ago, trying to move such difficult stuff. She said, "I wouldn't have asked you to go a few years ago." We have come a long way. That's a huge blessing!

On the way home, I sent a text to a friend of ours who has two big teenage sons. This father and son trio can move some furniture in a hurry. I desperately needed their help getting our couch and HEAVY entertainment center out of the house, and the new HEAVY couches into the house. He responded instantly and said they would meet us at my house at 7 pm. I breathed a breath of relief! And I'm sure Amy did too. :)

1 + 3 = Awesome! Well, this trio of "movers" showed up and within 30 minutes, everything was moved and in place. They came in like a whirlwind and moved stuff flawlessly. It was unreal! I would still be trying to figure out how to get those things moved. I probably would have also hurt myself (or the couches) in the process. Thank you Kenny and boys!

Another huge blessing was meeting an old friend of ours who was driving from Rolling Fork to Jackson, TN. Amy and I were going to have to drive an hour and a half out of our way to go pick up her mom's wallet in Winona. She had left it at McDonald's while eating their with our three children. After sending out a Facebook message asking if anyone was "just happening to be driving through Winona headed North," we heard back from Meredith and Kim. This is quite a long story: Kim just happened to be driving through Winona, was able and willing to get the wallet. She first had to meet Frank, another friend's step dad, who picked up the wallet from McDonald's and lives in Winona. Frank then met Kim to give her the wallet, who then brought it to us in Memphis, TN. And Kim's route to Jackson, TN from Rolling Fork, MS and our route to North MS from O'Fallon, IL just happened to be crossing paths within 15 minutes of each other! God is good! That saved her mom a lot of grief and us a lot of extra driving! PTL!

I am so blessed. It is still amazing to see God at work all around us. The "little" things He does never cease to amaze me. I was reminded of some great truths this weekend:

1. God can turn a bad situation into something amazing. He took my jacked up life and mess and is turning it in to something good. What a good God!

2. There's power in numbers. I can't do the Christian life and/or recovery alone (or moving furniture). The multiplied effect and power in numbers is incredible. We can accomplish so much more in groups of people pursuing Christ and similar goals.

3. As a couple, Amy and I benefit greatly from time alone together. We missed our children but this weekend was a true benefit to our relationship.

4. Giving and serving others is life changing and rewarding. People have blessed us in so many ways. We want to do the same for others and "pay it forward," even if in small, subtle ways.

5. Having great friends is priceless.

What could have been stressful, anger invoking and very frustrating was instead a weekend of experiencing God do some amazing things through difficult circumstances and generous people. I could have so easily missed it! Thankfully I didn't miss it and experienced the power of prayer, personal growth, and God's grace and mercy. Thank you Lord that I was able to see the good in it all. Thank you for opening my heart and eyes to be able see You more clearly!
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James 1:12, The Message (MSG)

 ¹² Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.

7 Money Skills of Extremely Prosperous People

I have been re-reading (with a different perspective), the book called, The One Minute Millionaire, by Mark Victor Hansen and Robert G. Allen. They have a great perspective on money and wealth that is about having more money so you can bless more people. It's not like some people like to say, "Those greedy rich people." The book isn't about greed - it's about giving. Much different.

I have realized that my perspective on money has been skewed. I have often sabotaged my own financial success. I believe 2014 is a year I want to be pruned of my view of money and what it means to be a good financial steward. I have had to look at most areas of my life with a new set of eyes and thinking since August 2011. Many things I am having to re-learn or learn more fully due to my years of "living in sin."

The book is full of great truths and principles for life, personal development, giving, etc. This particular chapter in the book listed seven money skills of extremely prosperous people. It's a great balance and is something to work toward:

#1. Value - they value each dollar as money seed. They are very respectful of every dollar they spend.

#2. Control - they control their money down to the penny. They take a few extra steps:

• They shop for the best value
• They ask for and expect a discount
• They examine their receipts for mistakes
• They attempt to turn each expenditure into a legitimate tax deductible business expense
• They balance their checkbook to the penny
• They file their receipts upon returning to home or office

#3. Save - They love to save money by spending money wisely. They also save at least 10% of what they earn.

#4. Invest - They invest with a system: Emergency savings, conservative investments, moderately aggressive investments, and very aggressive investments. All of their investments are drafted straight from their bank account so they never forget to do it or miss a month.

#5. Earn - they have multiple streams of income (MSIs)

#6. Shield - they protect themselves with trusts, corporations, LLC's, etc. They live like millionaires and have very few assets in their name.

#7. Share it - They are very generous, donating at least 10% of their income to a church, charity, etc.

I have a ways to go, but it's a process of letting God do His work in me and through me. It's not about the love of money, but the love of God and allowing money to be a blessing, not a curse, idol or god.
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Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)

⁵ Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”^[a]

The Holiday Rut

It's easy to get into a rut and stop doing the "little" things that would make a long term difference in our lives - financially, spiritually, nutrition, etc. When I get tempted to "skip" a day of those mundane yet needed "daily disciplines," I have to remind myself how quickly good habits can drift away and old habits can sneak back in.

Running for example. It takes weeks, months, and even years to get in great shape. It only takes a few weeks to lose it. I have been training for the St. Jude Half Marathon. It got cancelled last weekend. It would be tempting to stop training since the race is over. That would be a let down since we have trained so well. I enjoy being in shape, so running isn't such a chore. Some days I feel less motivated, but I know deep down that if I will "show up, consistently, with a good attitude, for the long haul, and pay the price," then it will pay big dividends (see The Slight Edge book).

I want to treat my recovery - spiritual, purity, financial, nutritional, and career - like I do my running. I don't want to focus just on the "race" but keep a long term mindset. There will be days when I don't feel like doing the work, but I want to do it anyway. There will be days when I feel like it's not making a difference - I want to show up anyway. Remember, the compounding effect can either work for you or against you. Much of my life I've let it work against me.

16+ years of marriage, combined with 39 years of my life - I have some pretty "stubborn" habits of thinking that "die hard." For new thinking and a new philosophy to develop, I have to be open to a new perspective, or apply that which I already know is best (that I've resisted due to various reasons). I want to read books that directly challenge me in those areas that have kept me stuck for so long. I want to read them, apply them, and re-read them. Until it starts to change me from the inside (between my ears).

Wisdom and courage - from the holy spirit - that's what I want. Not one or the other. I pray for it and hope to stay the course of recovery and spiritual growth through to the end. It's worth it. God has proven that over and over these past 2.5 years (and beyond). I am honored to have witnessed such acts of grace, from the LORD and others.

The "rut" is always looming right around the corner. The devil is prowling around like a roaring lion waiting for someone to devour. Stand firm. Be alert. Don't "sleep in" and skip a day of recovery and growth. Steady wins the race - when your steady is toward God's best. You can "steadily" drift away from the LORD and out into the darkness where you are most vulnerable to sin. It never "just happens."

Emmanuel - God with us - that's our hope. It's comforting to know that He is with us. I can face life's challenges when that truth fills my heart and soul!
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“The truly liberated human being is not always fighting against something, but more frequently is fighting for something or someone.”
— Denis Waitley

“Mastery is not something that strikes in an instant, like a thunderbolt, but a gathering power that moves steadily through time, like the weather.”
— John Champlin Gardner, Jr.
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Isaiah 53:4-6 (NASB)

⁴ Surely our ^[e]griefs He Himself bore,
And our ^[f]sorrows He carried;
Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
^[g]Smitten of God, and afflicted.
⁵ But He was ^[h]pierced through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our ^[i]well-being fell upon Him,
And by His scourging we are healed.
⁶ All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all
To ^[j]fall on Him.

Pessimist Support Group

I have been a moody person most of my life. I am sure I made my parents and sister's life more difficult by my mood swings. Not knowing how to best express those feelings, and not feeling all that free to, added to the difficulty. I later made Amy's life more difficult by those mood swings. What a mess I made. It proves I was very stubborn and slow to surrender to God's best. I guess it's "better late than never."

I used to joke, as a pessimist, that I was going to start a Pessimist Support Group. But, then I got to thinking, "Nobody would probably show up." So I didn't. Ha. Funny, yet sad. I spent a lot of years as a Pessimist. I am now a Recovering Pessimist, among other things. 

Some days I don't know what my mood will be when I wake up. I HATE feeling in a bad mood. I want to be positive, joyful, and outgoing. Some days I succeed. Many days I don't. Regardless, what I am trying to make my brain realize and overcome is: Attitude (and mood) is a choice. My thoughts are what drive my mood. Positive thoughts, beliefs, and difficulties produce positive emotions. The opposite is true, too.

Since I am in the counseling world as a profession, I know that many people have real life struggles and mood disorders, such as depression, anxiety, bi-polar, etc. to overcome. Some people need medical help to manage these issues. Regardless, getting help is a choice. Taking the medications that are needed is a choice. Doing mental health therapy and personal development is a choice.

Sadly for me, my efforts to stay positive and joyful don't come naturally. I have to daily read, pray, and do all I can to move toward the positive. I can get easily side tracked and distracted, but I quickly try to get back on course and choose a positive attitude. Reading positive, empowering books, articles, blogs, the Bible, and more is a must. It's my daily "sustenance." Without them, I drift back to the negative. Again, it's my choice.

Attitude is a choice. Change occurs between my ears (my thoughts, beliefs, philosophy). That's why I must pursue Christ and let Him transform my mind to be more in line with His. The holy spirit works in and through me to mold and shape me. My love for Christ and letting His love change me, my heart, my soul, my mind and my strength is the foundation for my change.

I read the quote (below) this morning. For us all, particularly those who drift toward the negative, here is a reminder to CHOOSE joy, happiness, and the positive this holiday season. I pray you experience tons of gratitude and blessing, and then "pay it forward." As they say in networking, "Givers Gain." Acts 20:35 says, "...1it is more blessed to give than to receive." So true. May I trust this foundational truth, always, and despite my circumstances.

"In preparation for all of the holiday gatherings you will be attending remember to ALWAYS BE POSITIVE. Be the one who brightens a room and every conversation you enter. It is easy to pile on to a complaint fest or add to the rousing gossip, but you will actually be perceived better by others if you don’t join them in that talk." Darren Hardy

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^{Romans 12:2 (NASB)}

² And do not be conformed to this ^[c]world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may ^[d]prove what the will of God is, that which is good and ^[e]acceptable and perfect.

"The Winner's Circle"

"The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know," said Dr. Jim Hurley, of Reformed Theological Seminary to a group of us students back in 2001. This is a brilliant man. And, obviously a wise and humble man. I want to be more like that.

The longer I do recovery, the more I realize how much I:

a. don't know

b. need to learn, and

c. need my brain to be "reprogrammed" toward successful thinking, rather than self-defeating thinking.

It is frustrating at times to be so "slow," but I am trying to keep the course and learn all I can from other people. It's time I start learning more from other people's mistakes AND their life long lessons learned, rather than from my own mistakes.

Below is an e-article I received today. I don't know much about Denis Waitley, but he clearly has wisdom and insight, as indicated in the article below. It is powerful stuff. It's a reminder that I don't have to be hindered by my current circumstances. As he says, "Champions view failures as temporary inconveniences and learning experiences." Also, "winners believe in their worth in advance of their performance. Champions believe in their dreams when they have only a dream to hang on to..."

Wow, do I need to hear that and apply that each day. I struggle at times to not be hindered by fear, doubt, past failure, and feelings of incompetence. I don't have to let my past determine my future. I want to be a champion in this life and be a difference maker; not a home wrecker!

The Winner’s Circle,   
by Denis Waitley

Every four years we see those five brilliant interlocking Olympic rings on flags and in television and billboard advertising globally. The Olympic Games are where the best in the world go for the gold and the few stand, listening to their national anthem, in the coveted winner’s circle. If the five Olympic rings were attitudes of champions in every profession, these five attitudes would be prominent in the mindset of the peak performer:

1. Paying the Price – Everyone wants to win, but few are willing to invest the time and effort. Paying the price means focusing on developing the skills and training regimen of champions—observation, imitation, repetition and the internalization of knowledge into habits; also, learning why and how to go the extra mile and seeing success as a marathon, not a dash. Champions view failures as temporary inconveniences and learning experiences.

 

2. The Olympian Within – Winners believe in their worth in advance of their performance. Most people base their worth on their current status or achievement level, which means that until they are judged successful by society’s standards, they have little to be proud of. Champions believe in their dreams when they have only a dream to hang on to, even in the face of criticism and superior achievements by others.

3. Non-situational Integrity—Authentic, lasting winners have an uncompromising attitude about self-honesty. They function according to an “integrity triangle,” consisting of three basic questions: Are my beliefs based upon truth? Do my words and actions correspond with truth and honesty? Before I speak or act, do I honestly consider the impact of my decision on other people and the environment?

4. The “Coachability” Factor—Champions are always open to alternatives to improve their performance. Consistent winners are not the arrogant egotists who dominate the media spotlight. The most successful individuals in the game of life are often the most approachable, most gracious, non-judgmental with others and most critical of their own performances, as well as most eager to learn and improve.

5. Being a Team Player—A team in harmony is synergy in motion, where the whole is greater than the sum of the individual talents. When all assignments are understood, when each takes 100 percent responsibility for the outcome, a quantum leap in performance takes place. Winners learn how to become interdependent, without sacrificing individuality; how to stand out, while fitting in.

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Mark 12:30-31, New American Standard Bible (NASB)

 ³⁰ and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ ³¹ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Trust

Yesterday's lesson in our Men's class at church was about Trust. It was Session 12 of 13 in a study we are doing called The Gospel Project. It's been good discussion and information that we've all been able to apply and "chew on."

The three points or "nuggets" from the lesson yesterday were:

1. We trust that God will never abandon us, John 10:27-29

2. We demonstrate our trust through our endurance, Hebrews 3:12-19

3. We pursue holiness as we trust in God's promise, Philippians 3:10-14

Like with my recovery, I want my walk with Christ and faith in Christ to last, endure, to the very end. I don't want to get burned out or give up along the way. I want to grow in my trust each day, trusting He is with me (even if He feels miles away). I want to allow the Holy Spirit to sustain me and equip me, encourage me, and carry me through the ups and downs. And, I want to pursue daily, His holiness and show my love for Him through my obedience.

"Steady wins the race." Life is a journey, a process, and can be full of "God moments" all along the way. I hope to slow down enough to see His work, see Him, and fully experience all He has in store for me, even if it takes years. The good thing is I don't have to wait until all of my "circumstances" or "personal issues" are resolved to begin to experience the peace of Christ. My growth will be slow. It's better that way. I just don't want to go backwards. I want to stay the course and move forward, even if it's "baby" steps at a time.

I still have growth to occur with money and spiritual leadership in my home. With money, I want to be freed up, confident, humble, generous, and have clear purpose and direction. A "bail out" probably won't occur. It's not what is best anyway. Slow and steady. Learn from others. Be teachable. Believe God at His word. Fill my mind with truth, wholeness, wisdom, and vision.

With spiritual leadership, I want to be a strong, humble, bold, and compassionate leader. I want clear direction from the Lord and to not waiver in fear or insecurity. I don't want my past to continually hold me back due to feeling "unworthy." I want Amy to grow in her trust of me and walk with me through life. I want to be more trustworthy, and understanding of her and God's calling on our lives.

I pray I won't sabotage Christ's work in me. I still have "mental blocks" that hinder my ability to run fully in "reckless abandon." When I get burdened by my "jacked up" thinking that keeps me stuck, I have to repent and remember the three truths from yesterday's lesson

He will never abandon me...
Endure/persevere to the end... (long haul)
Holiness is a pursuit, one step, one choice, one day at a time...

Jesus holds all things together. Will I trust Him today or not? I believe. Help my unbelief!
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Hebrews 3:12-19, The Message

^12-14 So watch your step, friends. Make sure there’s no evil unbelief lying around that will trip you up and throw you off course, diverting you from the living God. For as long as it’s still God’s Today, keep each other on your toes so sin doesn’t slow down your reflexes. If we can only keep our grip on the sure thing we started out with, we’re in this with Christ for the long haul.

These words keep ringing in our ears: Today, please listen; don’t turn a deaf ear as in the bitter uprising.

^15-19 For who were the people who turned a deaf ear? Weren’t they the very ones Moses led out of Egypt? And who was God provoked with for forty years? Wasn’t it those who turned a deaf ear and ended up corpses in the wilderness? And when he swore that they’d never get where they were going, wasn’t he talking to the ones who turned a deaf ear? They never got there because they never listened, never believed.

Facing the "Giants"

Yesterday I drove 3 1/2 hours to Jackson, MS to meet with my licensing board for my marriage and family therapy license. It was an "informal" hearing to discuss my case and probation. I had no idea what to expect, but I wanted to meet them face to face to make it more personal. It was also a huge step for me in order to try to make things right and own up to my consequences.

In May 2012, I reported my unethical behavior to the licensing board. I knew I had to if I was going to do counseling here in North MS. I didn't know what the outcome would be, but if God was leading me to counsel for a living, then I knew He would work it out. Over a year and a half later, I sat in front of the board members, facing them about my painful past. It was humbling no doubt.

I arrived to the meeting room and sat down with about 10 other people. These were credentialed social workers and marriage and family therapists. Colleagues. Prior to that meeting, I was simply a "case file" for them to discuss, at least that's how it seemed in my head. I went to the meeting to accept my consequences in person and ask for a reduction in sentence, if at all possible, since it had been 2 1/2 years since my recovery process started. I was not there to defend myself.

At the start of the meeting, the lawyer called the meeting into order and the details of my situation were read out loud. The lead case manager was updating the other board members of the case. They each had copies of all of the information I provided them. It was tough to hear the "facts" of my situation and try to anticipate how people would respond. I prayed that I would not let my shame overtake me but that I would stay calm and feel God's peace. God came through. I stayed calm, shared from my heart, and awaited the final verdict.

Facing the Board members was difficult, but since going public in front of 600 people about my "sins," and living out our recovery publicly in many ways, it was not as difficult in comparison. It is an indication of God's grace and provision, plus a sign of growth for me. I spent so many years unwilling to accept responsibility for my actions. It is a much better experience to take responsibility for my sin without resorting to blame, insecurity, and shame/self-hatred.

I wish I would never have done the terrible things I did. I misused my license, credentials, Christian witness, wedding vows, and was very selfish and hurtful in so many ways, to say the least. I deserved the worst outcome. I am grateful, though, that I have experienced both discipline and consequences AND God's grace and mercy. They both are necessary and crucial to my recovery.

This past week, I was on "edge" and a bit irritable. Leading up to my meeting was more difficult than I realized because today I feel so much better. Yesterday, I went from feeling very nervous and a bit overwhelmed, to feeling relief and some closure. Though the probation requirements will be difficult, I feel better about meeting with the Board members and sharing a bit of my story.

I see this past week as another spiritual marker. It is another piece of the recovery process. I want to let it mold and shape me more and more. I want to continue to take my recovery seriously and become a stronger follower of Christ, a stronger leader of my wife and family, and a stronger person all together. I want to learn how to be a better "servant-leader," and not give in to fear, shame, doubt, or insecurity. One day at a time. One choice at a time. One victory at a time.

As Pastor Whit says every week, "God is good, Amen?" I have seen and felt His goodness once again. For that I am humbled, amazed, and overwhelmed with gratitude. 

All or Nothing

All or nothing. It's the sort of thinking and acting that keeps most of us stuck. It keeps us off balance, and usually leads us to one extreme of burn out or to the other extreme of severe procrastination. It's an "out of balance" way of living that neglects the small, key steps and daily decisions that when compounded over time would make a huge difference in our lives.

Have you ever asked, "What's the point?" or "What good would that do?" I have. For example, if money is tight, it may seem pointless to save $10. It seems like an insignificant amount of money. However, if I keep saving $10, then over time that money will grow and grow. $10 here and there becomes hundreds even thousands.

The opposite can happen as well. I can say, "It's just $10." and spend money on things that are of little value. Over time, if I keep blowing $10 (rather than saving it or spending it more wisely), then that same $10 becomes hundreds, even thousands, of dollars gone.

I can get caught up in all or nothing thinking often - with recovery, money, sharing my feelings/struggles, spending time with kids, building a business, etc. Reading a few pages a day in a personal development book or the Bible, prayer, journaling, and good accountability/mentoring gets me back on track. It's why recovery is a daily deal - drifting comes to naturally for most of us.

As I have quoted often this week, The Slight Edge book has a great reminder for us all. 

No success is immediate. Nor is any failure instantaneous. They are both products of the Slight Edge. Believing in the "big break" is worse than simply being futile. It's actually dangerous, because it can keep you from taking the actions you need to take to create the results you want.

Daily acts of obedience and trust: "Easy to do...easy not to do." If I could only realize that each day is full of opportunities to participate in what God is doing in and around me. "We see what we look for."  Am I looking to join God in His work and follow His lead, or will I stay stuck in my own rut? His plans are way better than mine! I want to go with His!
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^{John 5:19-20, The Message (MSG)}

^19-20 So Jesus explained himself at length. “I’m telling you this straight. The Son can’t independently do a thing, only what he sees the Father doing. What the Father does, the Son does. The Father loves the Son and includes him in everything he is doing.

Matthew 6:33, The Message (MSG)

^30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Quit Dreaming and you quit growing

Yesterday, I got to spend all day with the kids. We did home school, cleaned the house for a TOT party for Amy, the kids played together, and then, we went to the mall and enjoyed hanging out. The day was mostly fun, with a few moments where I felt very "moody." Not sure why. May have been partly due the fact that I tried to get the house in order and keep it in order, while trying to do all the other daily tasks. Oh well. We had a good day, and the party was a success for Amy.

This morning I am feeling tired. When I get too tired, my mind starts drifting toward the stresses of life. I have to catch myself mentally and not go down the road of "stinkin-thinkin," as they say in AA. I prayed that God would help me find rest and joy in Him and not get burdened by things beyond my control. Today is a gift. I want to receive it and live it out fully.

What I am remembering this morning and needing to take to heart is - Steady wins the race. That truth applies to most things in life. Steady growth, steady wealth building, steady discipline of nutrition and exercise, and steady recovery - whatever type of recovery you are pursuing. Throughout this process of my recovery, I have needed to be reminded that "steady wins the race." There have been days when the "fog" makes it hard to see progress.

When I focus on the "what ifs" and/or certain results of my past, it is easy to lose focus and get distracted. As Jeff Olson says in The Slight Edge,

Results come last. It is easy to be seduced by the promise of results. We live in a results-oriented world, a culture that overwhelmingly measures the success of a course of action by its results. How can you judge the course of action you're taking by its results, when its results come last? The problem with focusing on results is simply that it doesn't work. Having your attention on your results is like driving your car by looking in the rear view mirror. Your results live in the past, and like all things in the past, they belong there. Results are valuable feedback. Let them help motivate and guide your tomorrows. But a focus on results only takes you out of the present moment where the action really is.

Results and outcomes are tied to my daily behaviors and actions. My daily behaviors and actions are the result of my philosophy, beliefs and thoughts. How I think, believe, and feel internally is where change occurs; "between my ears." That's why Romans says for us to "be transformed by the renewing of our mind." Our heart and mind control everything in us. That's why God wants our heart. It is the "well spring of life."

One truth for me to keep in mind as well is that I need to daily pray for God's best and pursue His will and dreams He has placed in me. I may not be where I want to be, but keeping that dream and purpose/vision in mind, enables me to steadily move toward them. I don't want a bail out (well, some days I do). I want to daily obey and trust and take the key steps that will help my dreams become a reality. To stop dreaming is to stop growing.

Listen to what Jeff Olson says in The Slight Edge, 

Quit dreaming. Just let go of all your dreams, goals, ambitions, and aspirations. Settle for less. Make point B disappear, just delete it, and - poof! - the tension is gone. And that, sadly, is the choice that ninety-five percent who travel the failure curve eventually make.

I am not where I would like to be due to some major mistakes over the course of my life, but I am very blessed. God has been working in and on me for the past two and a half years. I am in a better place than I was. I still have a lot of growth to occur, but I am hopeful about the future. I know that today, the present, is critical to an even better future. I don't want to dwell on the past or only think about the future, since today is a gift and has "enough troubles of its own." However, "God's faithfulness in the past, is what gives me hope for the future."

Today, my thoughts, beliefs, and actions will either move me toward a better future, or toward a painful, unsuccessful one. Steady wins the race. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. It's a journey, a process. Baby steps. Daily disciplines. God moments. Sanctification. Pruning. Sifting. Maturing. Gradual. Thank you Jesus that You never leave or forsake us and walk with us each step of the way.
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Psalm 23, The Message (MSG), A David Psalm

^1-3 God, my shepherd!
    I don’t need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
    you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
    you let me catch my breath
    and send me in the right direction.

⁴ Even when the way goes through
    Death Valley,
I’m not afraid
    when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd’s crook
    makes me feel secure.

⁵ You serve me a six-course dinner
    right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
    my cup brims with blessing.

⁶ Your beauty and love chase after me
    every day of my life.
I’m back home in the house of God
    for the rest of my life.

Time is the great equalizer

Yesterday, I laughed harder than I have laughed in a while. I still laugh thinking about what happened yesterday at my niece's birthday party. It reminded me of a scene from Shallow Hal. I even quoted the movie after it happened! No one but me and Amy seemed to get that quote. Oh well.

Here's what happened: Late in my niece's 6 year old "painting party," I sat down beside Amy and noticed the wooden chair didn't sound too good when I sat down. It sounded a bit unstable, but crazy me just kept on sitting in it. I even had Collin sit in my lap and was silly with him. After about 5 minutes, the "bottom" fell out, literally. I suddenly found myself sitting on the concrete floor with Collin on top of me and a chair busted into twenty pieces! Apparently it was loud because the entire room (except the 6 year old girls opening presents) turned to look. I can hardly type for laughing!

Anyway, I stand up and see the chair busted to pieces and ask the owner who was highly concerned that I was hurt, and I said, "What is this chair made of?" Steel." She didn't get it. Oh well, I thought it was funny. Amy and my sister were rolling, as were the others. Amy even joked and said to my sister, "And you guys said he was too skinny!"

Many of the guests at the party didn't want to laugh too hard since they didn't know who I was, or at least not well. We were in Alabama. Then, my 10 year old, Caleb, walks over and says, "I heard the noise and looked over and saw your feet sticking up in the air!" Hilarious! Then, the guy dressed up as Santa said to me on my way out of the door, "I have a bag of switches set aside for you, or more like a bag of splinters." More laughter! Too funny!

Somehow I didn't crash the shelf behind me that was full of ceramics. I guess I didn't throw my arms back because I was holding Collin. Good thing I suppose. That would have been bad! After the party, my sister thanked me for adding such excitement and said "That was one for the record books." I admit it was crazy funny. I am glad it didn't hurt me or Collin because that would have been bad and not as funny. Good stuff.

I guess I tell that story because it reflects how I want to be more often - willing to laugh at myself and not take life so seriously. For the past two and a half years, I have been working toward that. I have come a long way, but I know I still have far to go. I'm glad I was able to laugh at that situation instead of letting embarrassment cause me to feel angered. That never crossed my mind. It was funny and I can laugh about it for a long time.

My problem is that too often I catch myself getting OCD with the day to day stuff and let little "stresses" bother me. My dislike for clutter gets me agitated when it really shouldn't matter that much. I want to be joyful, patient, kind, AND be responsible, have integrity, and work hard. I want to balance it in a way that helps me enjoy life and live life to the fullest. A life with no regrets; or as few regrets as possible.

I prayed yesterday that God would help me slow down and enjoy each hour of every day more fully. Busyness isn't always necessary. I want to play more with my children, go on more dates with Amy, sit and ponder things more, and not let life fly past me. Some days I do it well. Others I don't. It's part of the learning process.

I don't want to dwell on the past. I can learn from it and look to a better future. A better future starts with my choices today. As Jeff Olson says in The Slight Edge,

Time will be your friend or your enemy; it will promote you or expose you. If you're doing the simple disciplines, time will promote you. If you're doing the few simple errors in judgment, time will expose you - no matter how well you appear to be doing right now. Time is the great equalizer.

Today is a new day. Yesterday is over. Tomorrow is yet to come. The best thing I can do is to enjoy today. Will I make the most of today or will I look back tomorrow and wish I would have lived it more fully? The great thing is that I don't have to keep putting off the things I want and need to do today. Today is a gift to be opened and enjoyed. Thank you, Jesus.
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Matthew 6:30-34, The Message

^30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. ³⁴ “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.