Over the past few weeks I have realized how much I want Amy's approval, AND to lead her and our family. Leading though may cause some hard feelings when leading doesn't feel so loving or pleasant.
I also know that I have failed to lead Amy and our children well, and I have lacked courage and strength. My desire to have Amy's approval didn't show in my actions or attitude. In my mind I felt I I didn't have her approval, so I pulled away and acted selfishly and sinfully. Thus, getting Amy's approval was even more difficult to obtain. A viscous cycle no doubt.
Look at these words from the book that indicate this very issue in marriages when men don't lead:
"God has put something into men that longs to be courageous. And when a man uses that courage to lead his wife well, she tends to bloom. She respects him more and experiences a greater sense of security. She'll want to follow his lead, and she will feel safe in doing so.
But when a wife lives with a leadership void, she will feel constantly pulled into this position of filling it. As she leads her husband, not only does her respect for him weaken, he tends to cower and become even more passive over time. She can be brilliant and strong but both of them will feel resentment toward each other and less secure together."
This happened in our marriage. I failed to lead well. Now after years of not leading, it is challenging to start. However, it is a daily pursuit that starts with me and The Lord. I expect it to not be easy for me, for Amy or the children, BUT it is worthwhile and best.
Mark 10:42-45
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