3 S's

I am finally (hopefully) ending my three month (or even three year) pity party. I have gone through the valley and am thankful it didn't get worse before God broke through my despair. Yesterday I was talking to a guy  who has similar struggles as me and realized that each day I have to fight against 3 S's that contradict God's truth and keep me stuck:

• Self-Hatred (Shame)
• Self-Pity (Despair)
• Self-Righteousness (Pride)

None of these emotions or beliefs lead to freedom, joy, peace, action, or obedience in Christ. When I hit bottom this summer, the first two S's were very present in my mindset and thinking. Instead of getting energized to work out of the "funk," I got de-energized and depressed. Until I surrendered to God and let Him fill me up with His delight, I remained stuck and was moving into more hopelessness and despair.

I realized that I didn't like myself or who I had been much of my life and who I was becoming. I let my past define who I was. I let my past determine how my future would be. That led to more self-hatred, anger, sadness, and self-pity.

Thank God for His relentless pursuit of us when we are "lost." He will not leave us in the far country, at least not for long. He is a good Shepherd. A good Father. An ever present help in our time of need.

As I was running this morning, I realized a powerful truth about the journey Amy and I have been on for the past three years, especially this very difficult summer. This thought came to my mind...

If God has walked with us through the deepest of valleys and has been with us each step of the way, then He will certainly be with us when we are on the mountain top.

When you hit bottom and can experience the love and grace of God, then your perspective can be radically changed. You no longer feel forsaken when you experience God's grace and presence in your darkest hours of life. This is what has happened to Amy and me. In some ways, it is still "raining" and the circumstances we are facing still exist, but something changed in our perspective. We have both wrestled with God this summer and walked away with a limp but also received a huge blessing.

Our marriage has survived yet another season of tremendous difficulty and witnessed the power of God on an even deeper level. Just when we thought we couldn't take much more, He poured out His grace and mercy and strengthened us in ways we can hardly comprehend. We may have faced some days where we thought we may not make it through, but He broke through our fading hope and showed us that He was still interested in keeping us together and thriving as a couple.


God is good even when our emotions say He is not. He is faithful even when we feel as if He is punishing us or holding out on us. He is gracious even when we feel forsaken. His love is not dependent on our actions or emotions. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts. He is the same yesterday, today and forevermore. He holds all things together.

I may not know how this is going to turn out or why it's happening, YET I WILL PRAISE YOU, LORD!

What an emotional and spiritual roller coaster I live on. If God can speak to and through me, then I know for a fact He can speak through and to just about anyone!