You rarely know how things will turn out, but...

Denzel Washington starred in the movie "John Q." He was a desperate man on a mission to save his son, despite having no money to pay for the VERY expensive surgery. He faced criminal charges and many other battles, but he didn't give up. One of the people in the movie asked him, "How's it going to end, John?" If you've seen the movie, then you know how it ends. Things worked out for John and his family - despite the consequences he faced for his actions.

Life is a lot like this movie. Things happen beyond our control, and we are faced with tough decisions. As Christ followers, we have the Holy Spirit to guide us and a faith that is based on trust over feelings, and trust in God versus ourselves. This doesn't take away the struggle, though. Have you read the Bible? God's people faced major struggles and circumstances way beyond their abilities, but God was with them, even when all hope seemed lost. God's people were not always given the outcome "details" or the specifics of each step of the journey. They were told to trust, obey, and follow His lead. The same applies to us today.

Ultimately, we know how the "story" of our lives ends because Heaven is our final destination. Jesus overcome the grave and power of sin and darkness. We just have to hold on and be faithful to Him and allow Him to sustain us. In the mean time (or until we leave this world), we are called to share with others the hope we have and be faithful to our calling in Christ. With that said, God will lead us to make hard decisions that may not seem to make sense AND may feel way beyond our capabilities. The outcome is often uncertain, so faith leads us to trust and proceed, one step at a time.

Back in December 2016, I made a decision to resign from my church position only after 5 1/2 months. God led us to that church and we moved 760+ miles from Mississippi to start that journey of ministry. It felt cut way too short and the hurt and disappointment was very real. Regardless, we prayed about it and felt a peace about leaving the church, sadly leaving a group of very loving and supportive people.

The situation seemed illogical. It was three weeks before Christmas. I chose not to sign a legal document that would give me a month's pay. I left in the middle of a pay period and got a week's pay, plus 3 days of unused vacation. We had just gotten back into ministry full time, which was a huge blessing, but were leaving less than 6 months in. We left friends and loving people. The situation was tense and could be seen as a "red flag" to those who didn't know the details of what happened. It would likely take a few months to go through the hiring process at another church. Finances for us were already difficult, so being unemployed with no known full-time job prospects was a bit concerning, to say the least.

So, despite all of that, and many other things, I left the church and trusted that if God led me/my family to make the decision, then He would come through for us. Well, to make a long story short, He has and did. God has continued to amaze me with His grace, mercy, faithfulness, and goodness. Against all odds, God is working things out for good. I am working on a temporary full-time basis with a GREAT church here in St. Pete, while interviewing there for something more permanent. Amy is interviewing for a full-time position at the kids school. Finances, though still difficult, are stable due to making some adjustments (on half our salary). I am feeling energized, refreshed, and lively again as a person - with much growth still to go (not a bad thing - I never want to stop growing and improving). Our family is being shown love and constant encouragement. On and on I could go.

When we stepped out of the church on Dec. 2, 2016, we didn't know how it was going to end, but on faith, we trusted that God knew, and would help us in His time, and His way. The process is not complete, but we are blessed beyond measure. When things get more stable for us, we want to pay it forward and bless others because of the way people have blessed us during this rocky, scary, amazing, and difficult time of our life. We never gave up hope and God never gave up on us. Wow. What a mighty God we serve.

God is continually showing me to trust Him, give up control, be amazed by Him, and stop worrying. It's taken years, but I am GRATEFUL FOR THE LESSONS HE HAS LOVINGLY TAUGHT ME. Pruning is painful, but the fruit is sweet. 

A little everyday

I share a bathroom with my two sons, 11 and 13. It's the designated "boys" bathroom, since the girls (Amy and Claire) need and deserve their own. There is no need for them to have to navigate around "oodles" of urine. I don't like the smell or sight of it, so I know the ladies don't. A clean bathroom is a luxury. A dirty, nasty bathroom is a source of tension and stressor for me and many others. I am no "neat freak" for sure, but keeping the bathroom in some sort of order and the dishes out of the sink in the kitchen are preferences for me for sure. Maybe I am a bit odd. Oh well.

Our boys don't seem as bothered nearly as much about a disorderly/unclean bathroom as I do, but I rarely let it go very long before I straighten it up or wipe up the "yellow stuff." The boys will clean up when asked, so I don't want you to think they are totally lazy. They just aren't growing up as "latch key" kids like I did. :)

To keep the dishes in the kitchen put away and the bathroom in a moderate state of order and cleanliness, it requires DAILY attention. Otherwise, if it is left unattended for more than a few days, it can become disgusting and overflowing real fast. The mess compounds over time - as does other things in life - good or not so good.

Marriage is very similar - it requires DAILY attention. A little every day keeps things from growing cold, stale, or drifting too far. Most of the time, we don't see the "wear and tear" of neglect OR the fruit of our everyday investments right away. We one day "wake up" and see either a problem OR a great situation, depending on how much we invested in the relationship daily or not.

Adultery similarly doesn't 'just happen' - it is a gradual thing that happens as the result of neglect of purity, boundaries, emotions, spiritual growth, etc. It is preventable and most of us don't plan to cheat. However, many of us don't have a strategy to avoid it either. We simply live life unguarded and vulnerable to the seemingly "appealing" temptations that cross our path.

James 1:13-15...

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone. 14But each one is tempted when by his own evil desires he is lured away and enticed. 15Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death.…

How is your marriage (or other key relationships)? Check your daily habits and "investments." What are you doing (or not doing) daily that has led to the current condition of your relationship - good or not so good?

Here are some things to consider doing regularly (things I know I need to do daily) to help your marriage grow and sustain the ups and downs of life....

• Have your own personal prayer and bible study time with the Lord - every morning!
• Work hard to grow, mature, improved - every day!
• Exercise (with or without your mate) regularly to stay fit and energetic
• Get good sleep.
• Own up to your mistakes daily. Confess (agree) and do your best to mend the damage. Don't resort to blame shifting or lying.
• Plan some kind of date night at least monthly, hopefully more often.
• Text or talk daily about life, how to better serve one another, etc.
• Spend quality time every day with each other - nothing fancy always, but personal contact of some kind every day.
• Pray with and for each other regularly.
• Stay faithful every day - this includes not viewing pornography, don't have inappropriate conversations with others, don't neglecting your mate as a habit, don't be hateful or harsh, don't be too isolated or distant from him/her, be careful about associating with people who will bring you down, etc.
• Give non-sexual affection often.
• Have sexual intimacy as often as you both need and value.
• Love your children well.
• Build up each other rather than tear down.
• Communicate often, openly, lovingly, and honestly  - and try to have good timing with the hard talks - speak from the heart, plan your tone/words/thoughts, etc.
• Work on your friendship daily - have fun, enjoy each other.
• Take your relationship one day at a time - some days will be unpleasant, unproductive, and hard. Each day is a gift. Press on. Don't quit. Lean on the holy spirit. Start over tomorrow and be better each day. Learn from mistakes, value differences, celebrate victories, and forgive often.

These are just a few lessons I've learned. A little bit every day, compounded over time will either lead to great victories in your relationship or create and expose problems (check out Darren Hardy's book called The Compound Effect). Easy to do. Easy not to do. As Jeff Olson says.

I was a "loser" of a husband (overall, not totally) our first 12 to 15 years. I am hoping to be better our next 20 years!! It will take me investing daily. And vice versa.

The Servant

2017 WORD / Focus

For the past couple of years, Amy and I have prayed for God to give us each a word or two that reflects His desire/focus for us based on a specific Bible verse. Every year God seems to show up and make it clear to each of us what He wants to teach us and have us meditate on. Last year my word or phrase was THINK BIG. Amy's was BELIEVE.

My key verse was Ephesians 3:20 - God is able to do abundantly MORE than we think or imagine (paraphrase). I would say God did some BIG things last year:

• We sold our house in Mississippi
• Moved to Florida (over 700 miles away from Mississippi)
• Went back into full time ministry 
• Only 5.5 months later left that ministry position - step of faith with a lot of confusion, sadness, and disappointment. BUT a peace from God.
• Quickly were blessed by people who barely know us
• Was given a church job (2 month full time temporary) right smack dab in the middle of a busy Christmas season by a family who reached out to us in our time of need
• Amy published her first book!!
• We were blessed to find Keswick Christian school for our children and us. And family has helped us pay for it. 
• So many blessings (even not listed here)!

 Those are BIG things, but the crazy thing is, God isn't done yet. I still can't believe how good God is - He never stops amazing me. I sure don't feel deserving but my gratitude and prayer life have gone way up!!

This year's focus SEEMS TO BE coming to my mind repeatedly. I am hoping it sticks but am open to whatever God has to say. Obviously, when God gives us a focus, it doesn't mean we neglect other commands. This one I feel God telling me to focus on is something that is very much a part of my passion and drive. I believe God is telling me to stop focusing on trying to resolve my biggest hurdles (money and career) and to SERVE WELL.

I want to do what Jesus said to do in Mark 10:43-45... 

⁴³ Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴ and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. ⁴⁵ For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

If the creator of the universe came to SERVE, then I need to do the same. He humbled Himself to the role of servant and wasn't concerned about his status, power, position, or prestige. As leaders, we don't need to get caught up in the position we are in or neglect to serve others. To lead like Jesus is to serve well.

I feel very strongly about this focus for the year. It will improve my attitude, work ethic, focus at work, focus at home, and outreach to strangers I meet. To serve others is to demonstrate humility, compassion, grace, mercy, kindness, encouragement, and keep the needs of others in mind as I go about my daily tasks. It will mean I clean, sweep, organize, help others, and do whatever else needs to be done at home and work and everywhere in between, "as unto the Lord." Jesus is ultimately my boss. When I work for Him, then my work takes on bigger and better meaning, even if the tasks seem "menial" or less than my capabilities. 

What is the word or phrase God is putting on your mind for 2017? Take some time to pray and listen. God will bring to mind Bible verses over and over that will help you realize His wishes for you. Let Him "prune" and mature you wherever needed. Let Him bless you in ways you don't feel deserving but deep down want (even if are afraid to ask for). Open your heart to His love, His friendship, His discipline, and His grace and mercy. Seek Him first and then all the other things you long for will begin to become clearer and more of a reality.

Be amazed by the God who made you and created you for oneness and fellowship with Himself. 

What I DO Know

Lately, we have experienced quite a bit of "change" and transition. Actually, this whole year (and even beyond) has been a year of change and transition. Most of it is normal stuff, but some of it, though common, isn't as "easy" or fun in the moment, like leaving a job after 5.5 months after moving over 700 miles. And that was three weeks before Christmas. Had it not been for the school we were in here in Florida, and some really amazing people God put in our life, we would probably feel a bit lost.

I don't know a lot of things, particularly how things are going to work out regarding our financial outlook and our ministry/career, but here is what I DO know: God has been at work in us and around us, and it is really amazing and humbling to be involved in it.

Here are a just a few of the blessings we have experienced in the past two and a half weeks:

• Amy's book got published and people are supporting it so well!
• Amy and I STILL CONTINUE to feel a calling and burden to help couples and families walk through the struggles of life, pointing them to a loving, gracious, redemptive God. 
• I have a new job at another church for at least two months, full-time/temporary and have been able to meet some incredible people and see what God is up to there. 
• Friends and family have reached out to us to support us, encourage us, and bless us
• Our children have been able to have new experiences here in Florida, such as fishing and Busch Gardens, all because of the kindness of friends and family
• God has given us His peace, despite the temptation to give in to fear of the unknown, particularly about facing an uncertain financial future and being able to pay bills, etc. 
• Amy and I are closer than ever and will celebrate 20 years of marriage next summer!
• We are healthy, and seeking to be close as a family, even with our first teenager! That's been a roller coaster ride but such a blessing. 
• My prayer life is my life line to Jesus. I desperately need and want to keep an open fellowship with Jesus all day, not just for requests, but a friendship. 
• I have men in my life that I can call/text at anytime who will encourage me, confront me, pray with and for me, and vice versa.

God is very good. I have to daily fight the temptation to fear or give in to the things of this world in order to "numb" the pain of unbelief. However, despite the struggles and difficulties (many being "1st world" problems I caused), I know for SURE that God is faithful (Hebrews 13:5, 2 Timothy 2:13) and is for me/you (Romans 8:31). As Christ followers, we are in a spiritual war that will not cease just because we ignore it or fail to see it. Ephesians 6:10-13 and following makes this very clear:  

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Gratitude, confession, prayer, and knowing, believing, and living God's truth - these are powerful weapons in this fight we face each day. We can't do it alone. Jesus said He didn't do it alone - He relied fully on His Father in Heaven (John 5:19). We have the gift of the Holy Spirit and fellowship with God through Christ - we are fully equipped by Him to do the work He has called us to (Hebrews 13:20-21).

Will you, will I rely on that power (aka "vine," John 15) and thrive (even during trials and difficulties) or give in to our flesh and self-reliance, only the crash and burn at some point? It's a daily choice of surrender and empowerment to make. I pray that we make it, fully trusting in Jesus. And on the days we don't, I pray we run to Him, allowing His grace and mercy to redeem us, restore us, and fill us back up, so we can rejoin the fight for good, His good.
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Hebrews 4:14-16 - Jesus the Great High Priest

¹⁴ Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven,^[f] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. ¹⁵ For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. ¹⁶ Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Did Jesus live 30+ years without the Holy Spirit?

I am going to post about something that I don't have much insight on, but the thought struck me as I was reading tonight. I have been reading (very slowly) the book Adopted for Life, by Russel Moore. It's a great read and deep theologically, spiritually, and about the power of adoption in Christ and with children here on Earth. I read just a few sentences tonight (12/15/16), and a statement he wrote caught my attention and prompted this blog post.

When the "flesh" can't produce a deliverer for the human race, the Spirit overshadows a virgin's uterus and conceives a new humanity (Luke 1:35). The Spirit descends on Jesus at his baptism, as God's voice proclaims his acceptance of his "beloved Son" (Matt. 3:17).

Did you catch that? It "appears" that the Spirit (the Holy Spirit) did not descend onto/into Jesus UNTIL HIS BAPTISM. If true (remember, I am not proclaiming this to be 100% true though it seems according to the Bible to be so), does that not strike you as both very interesting and amazing? That means, if Jesus was somewhere in his late 20's to mid/late 30's when He was baptized by John (roughly 29 A.D.; not 100% sure), that He lived his first years on Earth without the power of the Holy Spirit - in Him. The Bible says that Jesus was "without sin" (2 Corinthians 5:21, Hebrews 4:15, 1 John 3:5, Isaiah 53:9, 1 Peter 1:18-19). SO, if He lived through his childhood, teen years, and early adult years without the power of the HS and was still without sin, isn't that remarkable?! It was a miraculous occurrence that Jesus lived as a teenager and did not sin!!! 

He wasn't just "God." He was fully man as well, and stepped out of Heaven and into flesh and blood, taking on the role of a servant, and lived a sinless life, in perfect obedience to His Father in Heaven (Philippians 2, Mark 10:35-45). And, if this is true, He did it the first 20+ years of His life through prayer and seeking His Father's will and not with the power of the Holy Spirit. He even said that the Holy Spirit would come only after He ascended into Heaven (John 16, Acts 2):

And this was his John the Baptist message: After me will come one more powerful than I, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit. At that time Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased. At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him. - Mark 1:7-13, NIV

So what's the point? Well, I don't know fully, but here is what I know:

• Jesus lived a perfect life and was the ultimate, final, perfect, spotless sacrifice for us. He who knew no sin became sin so that death would no longer be victorious over us; and we could be reunited with our Heavenly Father through Him (John 17:3 - eternal life). 

• It appears that Jesus lived most of His sinless life without the power of the HS but relied on prayer and His relationship with His Heavenly Father (John 5:19).

THEREFORE, if we have been united with Christ and fully trust in Him for life abundantly, here on Earth (John 10:10), and forever in Heaven, and we have been given the HS upon our profession of faith (Ephesians  1:13), then what excuse do we have as true believers and followers of Christ? We have been given the Holy Spirit to teach us, correct us, guide us, remind us, strengthen us, and help us live in union and obedience to Christ (John 14:15-17, 26; Romans 8:26; Galatians 5:22-23, 1 Corinthians 6:19).

Are you walking in the Spirit or trying to live according to the flesh? If like me, you are struggling to live fully in the power of the Holy Spirit. I get caught up in my own pride, fear, shame, regret, and impatience and forget that the Holy Spirit lives in me. I blow it often. I am reminded that I can't do it apart from Christ, and Christ is very gracious and patient with my "maturing process," even when it seems I am very slow to "get it." The Apostle Paul even struggled with doing what was right and good (See Romans 7:14-21, 8:1).

Got marriage struggles? Ask the Spirit to help.
Got money problems? Ask the Spirit to help.
Stressed, depressed, and restless? Ask the Spirit to help.
Fearful, anxious? Ask the Spirit to help.
Tempted to sin? Ask the Spirit to help.
Needing wisdom? Ask the Spirit to help.

Whatever you are feeling or facing, the Spirit is available 24/7. Wow, I need this reminder every minute of every day...especially when parenting my first teenager. I have really gotten off track lately with trying to be a good father to a new teenager. Forgive me son for failing so often.

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Ephesians 1:13
¹³ And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,

A lesson learned from Buddy the Elf...

That is a hilarious movie. Buddy the Elf didn't filter his disgust in the "fake" Santa. He knew the real Santa and wanted everyone to know that this guy, who smelled like "beef and cheese" was an imposter and needed to be exposed for who he really is. How many of us are willing to do the same thing when it comes to other people being "fake?" How many times have you and I been confronted when our behaviors and attitude didn't line up with the Bible and Christianity? Not too often, unless you have children and teenagers.

My teenager this morning called me out. I was stressed a bit about getting everyone to school (and Amy who was substituting) on time. We were stuck at a red light for at least 10 minutes. I was complaining and finally my son had heard enough. He said something like, "Dad, it's fine. We don't have to be there until 7:50." I paraphrase, but he was clearly tired of hearing it, but calmly called me out. I agreed and chilled.

I would guess that many of us, including myself, struggle to confront sin and hypocrisy. I'm not sure why, because Jesus did it quite often. It's hard to be called out, and it's hard to call others out. But, when it is done in love and boldness with the intent of holding someone accountable to their Christian walk and maturity (and strengthen your relationship with them), then it is beneficial, even if the other person doesn't change right away. Jesus didn't shy away from telling the "super religious" how wrong they were. He even called them "white washed tombstones." Ouch, that doesn't sound like a nice thing to say, right? But, He called them out and gave them an opportunity to repent and walk in His truth. They declined and wanted Him dead.

Hypocrite; poser; "fake;" living on a "throne of lies;" actor, pretender; two-faced. These are all strong words that often unchurched/unbelievers use when referring to Christians. Sadly, there are a lot of hypocrites in the church, but truthfully, we are all hypocrites to some degree. Obviously, some people are very private and secretive, and unwilling to let others see their weaknesses/struggles/true self. It's one thing to be an introvert and a private person, but it's a whole different issue (hypocrisy) when we act or proclaim to be a certain way but in reality be quite the opposite. If I am one person publicly and someone very different privately (and never admit/confess this), then I am being a hypocrite.

The Strong's Concordance describes hypocrisy as such: 
hupokrités: one who answers, an actor, a hypocrite
Original Word: ὑποκριτής, οῦ, ὁ
Part of Speech: Noun, Masculine
Transliteration: hupokrités
Phonetic Spelling: (hoop-ok-ree-tace')
Short Definition: a hypocrite, dissembler
Definition: (lit: a stage-player), a hypocrite, dissembler, pretender.

5273 hypokritḗs (a masculine noun derived from 5259 /hypó, "under" and 2919 /krínō, "judge") – properly, a judging under, like a performer acting under a mask (i.e. a theater-actor); (figuratively) a two-faced person; a "hypocrite," whose profession does not match their practice – i.e. someone who "says one thing but does another."

[5273 (hypokritḗs) was commonly used of actors on the Greek stage. When applied in the NT, it refers to a hypocrite.

"Christianity requires that believers should be open and above-board. They should be themselves. Their lives should be like an open book, easily read" (K. Wuest, Word Studies, Vol 2, Pastoral Epistles, 1 Peter, 50,51).]

When I was living in major sin, I was confronted at least twice by church members, and several times by Amy. I lied often. I regret that, but I have such admiration for those who had the courage to stand up for what was right and call me out on my "throne of lies." I stunk, but didn't smell like beef and cheese. I smelled like sin and betrayal. UGLY!!! Thank God for exposing it and using it to humble me, and redeem me to Himself, my family, my church, and my friends. 

Are you a hypocrite? Am I? The answer is YES but hopefully our heart's desire is to be free from it, repent daily, and do our best to be transparent, real, open, honest, and walk in the Light and truth of Jesus Christ. It's hard to be transparent and let other people see your "warts and all." However, it is freeing and the best way to live. If I grow in my faith, and in the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, goodness, and faithfulness (Galatians 5) of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, then I am doing as God intended. He said to abide in Him, and I will bear much spiritual fruit (John 15). Amen to that, and thank you God for Jesus not only being the perfect example, but letting me "live, and move and have my being in Him," incapable of doing anything God honoring apart from Him. He's my rock, my fortress, my help in time of need.

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John 15, New International Version (NIV)

The Vine and the Branches

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷ If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ⁸ This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

Light vs. Darkness

<sup>Before I got busted in 2011 with my secret sin, I feared exposure. My last few months on staff at FBC Clinton were rough. I was doing damage control and lying to whoever got close to me and confronted me. I knew I needed to confess and face the consequences of my actions, but I held on to the lie as long as possible. The longer the lie went on, the greater the damage I caused. 

I wish I would have trusted Christ enough BEFORE going down the path of sin. I also wish I would have taken to heart these verses in Ephesians 5...</sup>

⁸ For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light ⁹ (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) ¹⁰ and find out what pleases the Lord. ¹¹ Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. ¹² It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. ¹³ But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. ¹⁴ This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”

¹⁵ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

There are two key words here, at least regarding this post: darkness and light. For way too long, I chose to walk in darkness. Now, learning to live in the Light is a daily choice, that doesn't always come easy. However, it is worth it when I trust Christ to use it for my good, to encourage others, and to bring glory to His name. I am less hindered by sin and shame and self-pity when I live in a state of confession and repentance (i.e. walk in the light). 

I also notice when others are walking in "darkness." I see some of the same type of "damage control" that I lived for far too long. People acting like this don't realize how obvious it really is. It's foolish for us to think we can hide our sin. The truth will come out eventually, but until it does, it "oozes" out in our spirit, countenance, actions, secrets, attitude, etc. The "stinch" of living in darkness is the opposite of the "fragrance of the aroma of Christ." 

The word for darkness in this Bible passage of Ephesians 5 is "skotos," which refers to "moral darkness, the absence of spiritual light and truth, including the idea of sinfulness and consequent calamity." It also says in the NT dictionary that it speaks "of persons in a state of moral darkness, wicked men under the influence of Satan." I can attest to this truth. I was miserable in my sin and anytime I feared it would be brought into the light, I was paranoid, fearful, angry, and desperate to keep it a secret. 

The word for light in this Bible passage is "phos" or "phao" according to the NT dictionary. It means to "shine or make manifest; luminate." It is clearly opposite of darkness and refers to "moral and spiritual light and knowledge which enlightens the mind, soul or conscience, including the idea of moral goodness, purity and holiness, and of consequent reward and happiness; a true knowledge of God and spiritual things." When living in darkness, there is no happiness, purity, holiness, and there is little focus on "spiritual" things. There is more sin, paranoia, hatred, jealousy, and all sorts of issues. When living in the light of Christ, peace, joy, and the other "fruit" of the Spirit grows and develops.

Galatians 5 says it very well...

¹⁶ So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. ¹⁷ For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever^[c] you want. ¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

¹⁹ The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰ idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions ²¹ and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴ Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. ²⁵ Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

These verses remind me of two key truths:

1. I want to live in the light and never be "slave" to the darkness of secret sin ever again. As Al told me on the day of my resignation in 2011, "Scotty, sin sucks like Hell but God is good." Amen to that!
2. I do not have to bullied or hindered by people who refuse to walk in the light and according to the fruit of the Spirit. That is their choice to live with. I want to choose light over darkness. Lies and evil thrive in secrecy. People who are not willing to walk in the light and be open about their struggles, sin, etc. are living out Galatians 5:19-21. They will threaten, lie, bully, manipulate, coerce, bribe, and wreak havoc on themselves and others who threaten to expose them. I know. I did it for a long time!!! I am not judging or seeking to "gossip" as those who walk in the darkness proclaim. I am having the courage and willingness to call it what it is... darkness, sin, and destruction. God's word is clear on this...these are not my words.

God works in the light. Evil grows in secrecy. I have lived out both of these, and living in the light, as much as possible, even when uncomfortable or criticized, is more freeing, more honoring to the Lord, and allows for healing and more victory over sin. 

Behind closed doors, at any given time, especially when stressed, I struggle not to...

• Lecture my children and respond impatiently (especially my teenager)
• Worry about how I am going to provide for my family, and not feel like a failure
• Lust and become distracted by things of this world
• Be irritable or moody when the house is not somewhat in order and it feels chaotic
• Want to get rid of all electronic devices in our home when the peace in the home is gone and children are coming across as disrespectful or ungrateful 

These are just a few of my "issues." If I had them all figured out, then I wouldn't need Jesus. I don't like the struggles with money, family, career, relationships, but I am thankful. These situations keep me humble and remind me of the words in 1 Peter 5:7 about Jesus, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Jesus also said, "...apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5).

Are you walking in the light or the darkness? Read Galatians and Ephesians again and the answer will be clear. You know the truth, even before reading those Bible verses, but reading them has a way of hitting you "right between the eyes." When God's word says something so clearly, it's hard to ignore. I urge you (and myself) to run to the light!!! God is waiting with open arms to receive you. The consequences may be HUGE, but His love and grace and mercy is BIGGER and longer lasting. He will carry you through, each step of the way. 

Now what?

Hey friends. I haven't blogged in a long time. Not sure why but it's time to start it up again. My wife Amy is a great blogger. She writes with such genuineness, depth, Biblical application, and boldness. You wouldn't know she is so bold at first meeting her. She's very sweet, quiet and introverted. Amazingly, our "marriage earthquake" of 2011 changed both of us quite a bit. She got bolder and stopped settling, and I got more honest and transparent. God has used something very traumatic and "ugly" for our good and His glory. Only God can pull off something like that.

The longer we are married, and the more we see God's mighty work in and through us, the more I love her, admire her, respect her, trust her, and look to her as my "helpmate." And, the more I love the Lord and grow to trust Him. Amy and I celebrate 20 years of marriage in 2017, and if you've seen or heard our story unfold, you can't help but praise God. Check out her blog here.

Since 2011, we have seen and experienced God's work in our lives through some amazing people, answered prayers, Bible studies, small groups, church worship, and family relationships. There were many days, months, weeks, and years that we did our best to simply get through each day without giving up. We've definitely had to lean on Jesus with our whole beings just to make it. God eventually brought us out of the funk, and we were able to minister to/with others more fully and confidently. Getting back into ministry became a burning desire, but we struggled to see how God would allow us to serve in a church full-time again.

I started praying in January of this year for God to do one of two things: take away my desire to get back into full-time ministry or remove the desire. Well, it wasn't long after that prayer that God opened the door for me to talk to a pastor friend about ministry. One thing led to another, and he invited our family to come to his church in Florida! I couldn't believe that he was willing to consider me, but after much prayer and visiting, we decided to pack up and move our family over 700 miles. What a blessing to be back in ministry. What a blessing for a friend to take a chance on us, knowing our full story. When we arrived in June 2016, the church family welcomed us with open arms and we went "all in." We have seen God work in amazing ways in just 5 months.

But here is the tragedy...my time at that church here in Florida is over. Last Wednesday I resigned and haven't been back to the church, unable to say goodbye personally to a majority of the people. One day I am fully employed, the next day I am without a job or ministry. There are lots of details to the situation that I won't share, but THANKFULLY I DIDN'T LEAVE DUE TO SIN OR MORAL FAILURE (unlike in 2011).

Sadly, the pastor and I couldn't overcome our differences. In my opinion, I didn't do anything to intentionally disrespect him, undermine him or his position as pastor, or do anything that would cause such tension. I also don't feel I under performed in my position as family pastor. I felt good about the work I was doing in each area of ministry. We loved the people; they loved us. I know I didn't do my job perfectly, but I don't think 5 months is long enough to build any sort of family ministry. It takes years. Regardless, things digressed quickly and I saw the "writing on the wall."

So, here I am without a church to call home or serve in. Though I don't agree with how things have played out (so far), I am moving on, grieving the loss of dear friends and full-time ministry at FABC, and asking God to show me/us where He wants us to serve next. Being without a job two weeks before Christmas isn't the ideal time of year, but it will increase the likelihood that we get to see God show out even more!

It's still a bit surreal, I must admit. It's a reminder that anything can happen "over night" - good or not
so good. In the blink of an eye, you can find yourself in a situation you can either fully submit to God and trust, or panic and live in fear and doubt. I'm hoping to go down the "trust and pray and obey even if things are perfectly clear" route, instead of the fear or doubt path. God has brought us too far for us to question His love and grace.

So, now what? I am seeking employment, part-time, full-time work, grunt work, ministry work - whatever work pays the bills, or gets as close as possible. Long term, Amy and I feel very strongly about pursuing Family Ministry. We have a heart and passion for helping couples and families overcome strongholds, heal, be restored, and walk in the Light, truth, and love of Christ. We may do it IN a local church or minister TO the local church. We don't know yet. We are praying for wisdom on how to fulfill this calling and passion.

I can hold my head up high, knowing God is in control, will teach me all that He wants me to learn, and that my faith, trust, and obedience is crucial to my growth and maturity. If sin needs to be exposed in me or anyone involved, then I pray that happens. If forgiveness needs to happen, then I pray that happens. If truth, even difficult to hear and receive, needs to happen (in love), then I pray that happens. I am praying for God's will, not mine, to be done.

Pray for us. Pray for the church. Pray for the students, the church body, and the leadership. Pray for wisdom, humility, healing, boldness, Biblical confrontation, faith, hope, and love. God is a good God, even when circumstances say otherwise...

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Ephesians 3:20, New International Version (NIV)

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

James 1:2-4, New International Version (NIV)

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

An Open Letter to Hillcrest Baptist Church

On August 28th, 2011, Scotty and I stood at the front of FBC in Clinton surrounded by friends and fellow believers praying over us. Just a few minutes before, Scotty confessed adultery to this congregation while giving his resignation. Honestly, we didn't know what to expect when we entered the worship center that morning. We knew what Scotty had to share, but we had no idea how they'd respond. They saw our pain, felt Scotty's remorse, and they felt burdened to pray healing, restoration, and redemption over us. God gave them grace to be HIS church to us, because He knew we NEEDED it.

On the exact same Sunday a year later, our family sat in the worship center of Hillcrest. We'd been visiting another church for over a month. New Albany had been home for nearly 2 months. When I woke up that August morning, the memories of Scotty's confession the year before hit me like a freight train. For whatever reason, I looked at him and said, "I can't go to that church today." At his suggestion, we chose to visit Hillcrest. From the moment we entered, we felt the Presence of the Lord. On that day, I'm sure we looked perfectly fine physically, but emotionally and spiritually we were a wreck. It seemed every song sung spoke directly to our pain. And, the message was genuine and practical. I believe we knew immediately that Hillcrest was home for us.

I don't think that would have been obvious to anyone else, though. We were slow in getting involved. To many, it probably seemed we'd NEVER plug in and serve. And, there were spans of weekends (particularly in the summer) when most people probably wondered if we even attended Hillcrest still. 

You see.... we came to you, Hillcrest family, broken, bruised, wounded, and sick. We knew we were exactly where we needed to be. We just didn't know what we were supposed to be doing. God had revealed to us with extreme clarity that our focus had to be inward. Our family needed to be rebuilt, and that was going to take all (every! single! bit!) of the energy we had. So, for much of the time we were part of the Hillcrest family, we may have seemed cold, and isolated, and unavailable.

You loved us anyway. Thank you!

During our time in New Albany, God did amazing works in us. Much of that work came through even more trial and even more struggle. Relationships were hard. Finances were problematic. Work and school were all-consuming. In so many ways, our time here has been our desert experience. God was bringing about good in a way that we could feel! The heaviness of it all, though, made us hard to relate to. Our conversations were darker, more serious, and required more depth than most want in everyday chatter. I know that we were difficult!

You loved us anyway. Thank you!

Most of you don't even know that Scotty and I spoke with Pastor Whit in January of 2015. We were unsettled and heavy hearted. We weren't involved, and we felt detached. We had a yearning in our hearts for more, and we couldn't figure out what that more could be. He listened to us, counseled us, prayed with us. Ultimately, the decision was ours. Soon after that meeting, we realized our heavy feelings were God's whispers telling us, "It's time to serve again."

Oh my! We'd almost forgotten what that felt like. But, once we knew we had a story to tell and God had released us to tell it, there was a fire in our belly to share. And, you let us! Every time we expressed the desire to do something, begin something, get involved in something, our leadership said, "YES." Many times, I know, we were overbearing, bossy, and maybe even insensitive in speech. Our desire to help others made us a bit bold.

You loved us anyway. Thank you!

Sunday morning, June 5th, 2016, we stood in front of our worship center surrounded by friends and fellow believers commissioning us back into ministry. The prayers of FBC Clinton were fulfilled and realized at Hillcrest over the past four years. Ultimately, God deserves all the glory. But, I will forever believe that He handpicked YOU to be THE church for us. With thankful hearts, we have come full circle. We have been given the opportunity to enter into ministry again. This time we do it with MORE humility and MORE understanding of the calling on our lives.

As excited as we are to see what God will do in Florida, we are equally as excited about what He will continue to do at Hillcrest. For a little while now, I've felt a powerful moving of the Holy Spirit in our midst. We are praying for even more! As you study Mega Faith this summer, I encourage you to "pray that the eyes of your heart might be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you," because I believe He's calling Hillcrest to BIG things.

Thank you for receiving us kindly, loving us BIG, and for sending us off expectantly. As long as we live, there will be a special place for Hillcrest Baptist Church and New Albany, MS, in our hearts.

"Having thus a fond affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you, not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives."

"Not content to just pass on the Message, we wanted to give you our hearts. And we did." 

1 Thessalonians 2:8; New American Standard & The Message

Sincerely,
Scotty, Amy, Caleb, Collin, and Claire

Heart vs. Parts

Sexual purity is a lot about the heart; not just the parts. Staying pure is not just a matter of "not sinning." It's understanding that your soul and heart have longings that too often we try to meet sexually, rather than spiritually and emotionally. We go "wookin pa nub in all the wong places" as Eddie Murphy sang on Saturday Night Live. Crazy remix of another song, but you get the point. 

Heart and soul pain and longings actually INCREASE our vulnerability to sexual sin. It lowers our focus on purity and guarding our hearts and can leave us exposed to temptation that should be obvious. We seem to get "flanked" or blind sided by certain situations that otherwise would have been very easily avoided. 

Proverbs 7:1-5 (NASB) shows this "heart vs. parts" truth very well. Adultery plays to the heart strings. Our hearts and minds will lead us astray if we stop loving/pursuing wisdom, truth, purity, and our relationship with God. Problems and disaster comes when our focus is on selfish desires that mislead us; we fall victim to the lies of adultery. 

How's your heart? Are you vulnerable to temptation that may be headed your way? Guard your heart. Find your true love in God's wisdom and fellowship; not adultery. Find out what the longings are really about, without believing the lies that say "flattery and false validation" will make you feel better. When a dog drinks anti-freeze, it may taste sweet at first, but it quickly kills him by shutting down his organs. Adultery is very much the same. You may not die physically (though people have been killed from it), but spiritually and emotionally it can crush you.

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Proverbs 7:1-5, New American Standard Bible (NASB)

The Wiles of the Harlot

7 My son, keep my words
And treasure my commandments within you.
² Keep my commandments and live,
And my ^[a]teaching as the ^[b]apple of your eye.
³ Bind them on your fingers;
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
⁴ Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
And call understanding your intimate friend;
⁵ That they may keep you from an ^[c]adulteress,
From the foreigner who ^[d]flatters with her words.

 

Stupid?

Have you ever felt stupid? I have. Even recently. I used to get so ticked off and mad about it. I don't like it still, but I hope I am growing in my reaction to these feelings. Alot of my stupidity has been due to pride, fear, shame, and stubbornness. Instead of asking for help, reading instructions, looking up "how to" videos, etc, I will often jump right into something, only to struggle a bit. In most cases, I will get the task at hand done, but it usually comes with a lot of frustration and redoing it several times.

For years, I ignored personal and spiritual wisdom and instruction. I hid in shame, pride, guilt, fear, and stubbornness. I lacked discipline. It cost me dearly. I betrayed my wife and family and was found out to be a fraud. Now, I try to do life different, better, though I have a LONG way to go. I hope I am humble enough now to at least admit when I need help while seeking wisdom and knowledge. I don't want to repeat the same failures.

Look at this Proverb that speaks rather bluntly:

Proverbs 12:1New International Version (NIV)

12 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
    but whoever hates correction is stupid. 

There are tons of Proverbs that speak about wisdom, folly, instruction, etc. Much to be gained from that book of wisdom.

Here is another powerful quote about discipline from Darren Hardy, publisher of Success magazine:

Discipline is the key to success. Success is seldom found on the path of least resistance. Discipline is a skill; not talent. To live without discipline is to die without dignity.

Let's not be stupid today, or any day for that matter. But, when we do something that reveals our lack of discipline or "lapse in judgment," let's regroup, reevaluate, and get refocused on seeking Christ, building discipline, and enjoying the fruits of that pursuit God calls us to.

Is transformation possible without pain?

This is an article/interview with Paul Young, author of The Shack, called Is Transformation Possible Without Pain? http://wmpaulyoung.com/is-transformation-possible-without-pain/

God allows pain. God uses pain to heal us, teach us, humble us, and lead us to Himself. I have probably learned more about God through pain than anything else. Pain has come through heartache, betrayal, failure, fear, etc. When we see Christ more clearly, the pain starts to make sense and becomes clearer as well. Instead of feeling forsaken, we realize that we are never alone.

More Adultery Prevention Strategies

Walking in the fullness of who we are in Christ is the #1 way to prevent and heal from adultery. See a previous blog post. Hands down. There are additional ways to aid in prevention but can't be a substitute for the #1. They flow FROM the #1.

Here are a few...

* Learn (and apply) as early as possible and as quickly as possible that you MUST take responsibility for your mistakes. Blame shifting, denial, defensiveness, entitlement, etc. creates major problems, including the path of adultery.

* Teach your children/teenagers/adult children the same concept. Don't neglect to instill this in your children ASAP! If you haven't been, then start. Expect resistance. Lead by example. Hold them accountable. Be gracious but firm. Stick to it. It is a gift.

* Discipline lying, cheating, stealing, etc. swiftly, firmly, graciously in your children/teenagers.
Lying snowballs. It won't go away without effort. It compounds. Deal with it early on in your children's lives. Probe and ask good questions about what seems to be triggering it. Pray desperately for heart change and transformation by Christ Jesus. Lead by example. Love always.

* Save your No's. We grow up hearing hundreds of thousands of "No's." A lot of them are vitally important and needed. Our children need to hear no to things that are harmful to them, to others, that they aren't ready for, etc. However, as a parent, I am guilty of telling my children no just because I don't want to deal with something right then. At times, I will admit that my "No" may be more for my benefit than theirs. Therefore, I am learning from my wife and the Lord, that it's good to tell my children Yes to positive things. Yes, we can go play. Yes, I will hang out with you. Yes, let's go do that. Yes, let's eat. Yes, I love you very much. To name a few. I struggle to save my "No's" and pick my battles. I fear that my kids will grow up to be lazy, entitled, etc. so I react negatively, rather than pray for wisdom and let the process move slowly and purposefully. They hear No quite a bit. They hear wait quite a bit. They also need to hear yes quite a bit to things that are for their good and needed.

* Teach your children/teenager to save up/wait/delay gratification. Adultery is about instant gratification, giving in to the lie that something "feels good" or is deserved (falsely though), etc. It's about letting 'little sins" become big ones over time. Children who learn the value of saving up for something, setting healthy boundaries and goals with money, time, etc, and who learn to work hard for something and feel the positive benefit of doing it for themselves can prosper. Children who never have to wait on anything, who never have to work for something, who don't get taught how to work for something, etc. have an insecurity and emptiness in them that may be met in inappropriate/unhealthy ways, like adultery. Waiting to have sexual contact with someone until marriage is a good thing. Not giving in to pornography, smoking, drug, alcohol, etc. is a good thing. Having positive relationships that are balanced, lead to growth, etc. are a good thing.
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***Disclaimer - For some reason, I didn't grasp many of these concepts as a child or teenager or young adult. I was very stubborn and strong willed, but I was also very insecure and full of shame and lacked confidence. I was very vulnerable to adultery for many reasons. I am attempting to instill many of these values listed above in my children's lives, though I mess up often. Pray for your heart to be open to God's best. Pray for your children's. Fail forward. Grow daily. Be persistent. Enjoy the fruits of your labors, even if delayed.
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A Father's Prayer

As I read the book, The Way of the Wild at Heart, I realize that as a boy I missed some key truths about my Heavenly Father who sees me as His beloved Son. Jesus made this possible and accomplished this HUGE feat when He stepped out of Heaven and into human flesh. It's mind blowing really. Why do I resist it?

As I read Eldredge's book, I also realize how many moments I have with my own boys and girl, to make an impact on their lives. Some days I get it right; many others I miss it. I want them to see and experience more fully my delight in them and not question it. I want to instill discipline in them, but more importantly, I want them to have a sense of joy, delight, adventure, and freedom that flows from it. I have stifled this in them in more ways than I care to admit but thankfully way less since coming out of my darkness and life of secret sin. I have a lot to learn and grow into for sure. I am glad that God is still working on me and has not given up on me. How undeserved. How amazing.

John Eldredge is bringing to light not only my struggle and longing as a father but also my own as an "unfinished man." He concludes in chapter four (Raising the Beloved Son) with a father's prayer. It is powerful and can bring great healing. It is my prayer for myself and for father's who are longing to experience God as a loving father and walk as the beloved son we are in Him.

Father, I need to know that I am your son, and there is a place for me in your heart which no one else can fill. I need to experience your love. Raise the orphaned boy in me. Take me back to those places where I felt so missed, and show me that my heart matters to you. Give me eyes to see and ears to hear how you are raising the heart of the boy in me, raising me in belovedness even now. Heal and restore my soul as a son - as your Beloved Son. Give the grace to believe it.

And show me how to offer this to my son - what does he need with me at this time in his life? How might I have missed his heart? How can I come with love and delight now? Lead me, in Jesus' name.

The Six C's (My three and their cousins)