Looking in the Wrong Place

We have all been guilty of looking for love and acceptance in the wrong places: work, sports, hobbies, relationships, even the church/religion. For me, early in life it started with my performance in sports, money, relationships, appearance, and approval of others. I later turned to my religious performance for approval/acceptance/validation. Then, my ultimate fall out was when I looked to adultery. None of them satisfied. Many brought shame, emptiness, and huge failure. 

I heard Matt Chandler preach via podcast this past week (The Village Church, Texas). He made a great point about how we run to the world for relief. He said (paraphrase) that "We feel shame and guilt, and then to find relief, we often run to the very things that produced our shame and guilt." So true. We look to the very things that compound and make our shame and guilt and feelings of self-hatred worse. It's nuts. I've done it . Maybe you have to.

Jesus came to rescue us from all of this. He came to give us life, through Him, in Him, by Him, and for Him. He even told a bunch of religious people that they were looking for life in the Bible but it isn't found there. It is intended to POINT us to the ONE who gives life. Look at John 5:37-40:

37 And the Father Himself, who sent Me, has testified of Me. You have neither heard His voice at any time, nor seen His form. 38 But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He sent, Him you do not believe. 39 You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. 40 But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life.

Jesus was standing right in front of them, and since they didn't believe, they kept looking elsewhere for eternal life. I have not been much different in my own life. I look to myself and/or things of this world, hoping to feel fulfilled, and then try to tack on Jesus at the end. Then, in my desperation, I cry out to Him to rescue me from my failures, only to later turn to the world yet again. How sad that we want Jesus to be our enabler and bail us out, while continuing to turn our backs on Him. 

I remember one year I was deer hunting and had spent HOURS/WEEKS sitting in a deer stand. Sadly my focus was on me, and not my family. I was desperately hunting, trying to kill a trophy whitetail buck. I was miserable in my pursuit but kept going back, day after day, even on Christmas Day and Christmas Eve. I was extremely selfish and foolish.

One day, as I was sitting in the deer stand, I got a heavy feeling of conviction. God spoke into me that day and I remember telling myself, "I am so desperate to kill a deer but why am I not this desperate for God and a relationship with Him?" In that moment, I got out of the deer stand and went home. 

I don't remember the following days, but I remember longing to be desperate for God. However, my actions and sins were contradictory to this longing. Thankfully, God eventually brought me out of my sin and secrecy and started my healing and redemption. Interestingly, I never killed a trophy buck and even lost two friendships, all because of deer hunting. How tragic. Sin can do that unfortunately.

I long to grow in my love for Jesus and trust Him with NO reservations. I know that the world can't fill me or bring me joy and satisfaction. I have tasted and seen that the LORD is good. Strangely, I am still slow to fully trust and let go, but it's a journey that I am grateful for and hope to grow in daily.