Guard Your Heart

Over the past two weeks, I went through an emotional funk that bothered both me and Amy. I finally talked about the "funk" instead of trying to deal with it privately. Thursday I talked to the children's minister at our church. Amy and I finally talked about it as well. Instantly I felt freed up and better, though I hated it had gotten to a place of "concern" for her.

Friday morning I opened up to my men's accountability group and three of them followed up with me to check on me. Then, over the weekend, I was able to "clear the air" with another guy. Finally, the funk left and I felt and feel WAY better, freer. It was a big reminder to me to not let things linger, and to not try to go solo on sorting through the emotional roller coaster and spiritual turmoil.

For two weeks, I neglected to open up to others and Amy in order to deal with my struggle. Busyness and isolation can be a big enemy if we let it. I am grateful that Amy and I were able to openly talk about it and get through it together. I am also grateful for friends here who are available and willing to walk with me through the ups and downs. As one of my friends said, "It's okay to grieve." He knows our story fully and recognizes both the victories and pain we've experienced.

I believe what triggered the funk was several factors: doing a good bit of writing about our past two and a half years, sharing my testimony publicly with the youth group, and then getting a letter from my licensing board with the stipulations for my probation - all three weighed heavy on me in a short span of time. None of those things is bad; just a lot to take in.

I have realized yet again how important relationships are to me. Men to walk with are VERY important and keeps me encouraged, accountable and deepens my walk. Sharing life with Amy and being able to keep our family not only intact but thriving and growing, even during the struggles, is a testimony of God's goodness.

Knowing Amy and I are together as a team, and having a "band of brothers," gives me the confidence and courage to walk head on through the difficulties and struggles. I am still praying for God to show me His plan, His direction and to continue to guide me in career, personally, and more. I still have things I want to sort out and understand, but I am not alone. I know isolation and giving in to fear and doubt won't set me free. God has shown me that, even this past week.

Our memory verse this week came at a good time. It's truth is a powerful reminder about the condition of our hearts and the need to "guard" it: 

Proverbs 4:23, New International Version (NIV)

²³ Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it.