Transparency Deepens Relationships

From childhood to adulthood, I was not a very open person, at least not in general. I "knew" a lot of people and a lot of people knew me, but not many people knew me very deeply. I had a few people in my life that knew some of my struggles, but I was not very comfortable being transparent. I was quite uncomfortable with my brokenness and often tried to overcome it, unsuccessfully.

Amy knew me "warts and all" and loved me deeply, but sadly I didn't let her love and acceptance of me move me out of my shame. I actually started to believe lies that caused me to think she was actually disgusted by me and didn't like me very much. The more I believed those lies, the more I acted in ways that made me more difficult to be around. I was very "draining" on her emotionally and caused a lot of tension in our marriage (and other places). Self-hatred does that.

One of the greatest "gifts" I received during our journey was from Dr. Compton, pastor at the church I served at the time of my "fall out." He and Mr. Jim met with Amy and me and loved on us and said that I needed to confess publicly to the church - for the church's healing and for ours. That was the LAST thing I wanted to do. Anything but that. With much "fear and trembling" we said "Yes." The next two days leading up to that Sunday morning was very difficult and stressful.

My darkest shame and secret that I had told no one about was now going to be shared with over 600 people. From private shame to public shame. Today, I can tell you with no hesitation that Dr. Compton gave me and Amy a gift that day. His wisdom led me out of my shame and onto a healing path. I regret so much, but I am thankful that he had the courage to walk with us through that dark time, for us and our church family.

I had no idea at the time how freeing that public confession would be for me. It has taught me a lot about transparency that I am growing more comfortable with. Going public forced us to deal with all of the "junk." We couldn't deny it, and there was no point in spending energy trying to keep it a secret. I wish I would have learned this lesson BEFORE going down the path of betrayal. If only.

What Amy and I are discovering is that "Transparency Deepens Relationships." It has an amazing way of opening the door for conversations with people we are amazed by - and never expected. Our willingness to be honest about where God has brought us has given others courage to open up to us about their lives and "stories" - and vice versa.

People are desperate to get help but live in fear of what people will say or think if they find out what they have done or are going through. If we can encourage others confess their struggles and get honest with themselves and others, then we believe God will be honored and His people will experience His freedom. That's a worthy pursuit! Lord help us!

We know we don't have it all figured out yet. We take it one day at a time. We know, though, that no matter how emotionally draining it is, transparency and openness is healing for us and hopefully for others. It moves us out of surface level relationships and toward deeper, more meaningful ones. We have seen God move in and around us when His people get real, honest, and surrender to Him. Evil thrives in darkness. God works in the Light. "Confession leads to freedom," as Tom Edwards Band sings about, and Psalm 32 reveals so clearly about.

Healing occurs in the "Light." Sin thrives in darkness. We all are faced with this difficult choice every day. May God give you the courage to trust Him fully, no matter the risk and uncertainty. He is good, always.

Colossians 1:9-14 (NIV)

⁹ For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,^{[e] 10} so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ¹¹ being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, ¹² and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you^[f] to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. ¹³ For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ¹⁴ in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.