Blank Spaces

I have had periods of time in my work history that included "unemployment," due to either being fired or changing jobs/careers.When I applied to new jobs, there were periods of time on my resume that looked like "blank spaces," due to limited or no employment. Long "blank spaces" of time are a red flag to employers. They require explanation for sure.

In my life, I have time periods of time that I am tempted to leave as "blank spaces," due to the shame and regret attached to them. However, God has seen fit to use them and teach me huge lessons about Himself, His grace, redemption, confession, forgiveness, spiritual discipline, and so much more. Those "blank spaces" have been written as chapters in my life that I need to share and embrace, no matter how painful. God is the hero of my story, so those chapters don't end with death and sorrow. They are followed by new chapters of what He can do when I submit to Him and allow Him to do "immeasurably more than we think or imagine."

Over the weekend, a pastor friend of mine here locally was called to serve at the church where I resigned back in August 2011. For some reason, it stirred up all sorts of emotions in me. It's a reminder that adultery survival, recovery and thriving requires me to KEEP walking through it and face it, sometimes daily. Each stage of the journey has different components and emotions, but it's something that doesn't just go away.

I really like this pastor and know he will be great for the church. I also am excited for the staff who will get to serve with him. I believe it is a great move, though he will be missed around here. I have enjoyed talking to him over the past year and a half. He is one of the many people God has put in my life that have blessed me beyond what I ever imagined or deserve.

Yesterday, I felt God leading me to call my friend who is still serving faithfully at the church where I resigned from. I have a deep love for him and his family. I called him and was glad to get to talk to him. There were moments in the conversation that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to talk due to the emotions that stirred in me. He has shown me unconditional love and grace and encouragement in ways I can't comprehend. I know I hurt him deeply, but God has enabled us to keep our friendship in tact. I am thankful for sure.

It's these moments that flood me with both regret (because of my sin) and overflowing gratitude and awe. God continues to show up and amaze me with His grace, love, and provision. God is good, even when I am not.  I am amazed by Him. I pray I continue to have the courage to let Him walk me through whatever situation I face. I need to be reminded DAILY that He is with me and is for me. And guess what, He shows up and is gracious and willing to remind me; sometimes in big ways; other times in subtle ways.

If there are days when I don't feel His presence and experience doubt, then all I have to do is be reminded of His faithfulness in the past. He has answered so many prayers that I don't have to think too hard to remember when He came through for us. All I have to do is read the Bible and see the countless reminders of His promises. All I have to do is stop seeing my circumstances as bigger than Him. I have to trust His heart. I believe, Lord, help my unbelief!!