Circumstantial Self-Worth

I am reading the book The True Measure of a Man by Richard E. Simmons, III. It is good stuff, and I recommend that men definitely read it. It is a book for men and will help us men see that we are not alone in our struggles, whether we realize what all we are struggling with or not. Powerful stuff. It is speaking right into the heart of what I have wrestled with for most of my life, even still to this day.

Here is an exert from the book in chapter 3 that talks about our identity as a man and the struggles we face:

Men so often define themselves by what they do, who they know, or what they own. And when they do so, they unwittingly set themselves up for great confusion and failure in their personal lives, particularly when a major economic storm arises...When all is going well and life is flourishing, men generally feel good about themselves and their identities are secure. However, when economic hardship threatens their lives and their futures, life begins to unravel...Our culture has an obsession with performance giving us affirmation as men. In the midst of challenging times, we all have, to some degree or other, allowed ourselves to be seduced into a fog of mixed emotions.

Here is the question that I have to ask myself and take a hard look within my heart and soul to answer honestly, even if it is contrary to what God has told me about who I am as His child:

Does our self-worth go up and down with the market or our paychecks?

If things are going well for you and typically always have, then you may quickly answer no to this question. However, when things start to turn south or you sense struggles and hardship coming, then you may start to discover that you don't feel quite as secure in who you are or in Christ as you once thought.

This has been my issue for years, especially over the past couple of weeks, months, and maybe even longer. When I lost 60 to 80% of my income, it woke me up. I put my family at huge risk by my sin and betrayal. I am the one who cost my family to face hardships, long before I was found out. Now that I am seeking to be fully restored, I realize that I still have trouble not basing my worth and value on my paycheck (or lack of), my circumstances, and my financial situation.

This is a hard pill to swallow and admit. I hate feeling down when money is tight and up when things are better. I want to walk in the joy and freedom of who I am in Christ, not in money, financial security, etc. Though I believe that getting to a better place financially is a must and need, at the end of the day, I don't want that to determine my mood, worth, value, and peace. Only Christ can fully satisfy my soul and give me a peace that passes all understanding. No amount of money can do that. It may help keep the shame and fears at bay for a little while, but deep down the issues are still there.

This book is stirring up strong emotions for me, but it is giving me hope. It is reassuring to know that I am not alone and that other men understand my struggle. It is also reassuring that God is my refuge and strength. I am secure in Him, even if I get "spiritual amnesia" and forget for a while. I am thankful that God sees fit to keep pruning me of my false securities. I want to walk in His joy and freedom, even if my circumstances don't change a whole lot for now.

What a journey of letting go and allowing God to have His way in me. It is scary, amazing, challenging, humbling, and incredible all at the same time. As someone has said, "There is no high like walking with Jesus Christ."
___________________________________________________________

Philippians 4:11-13, New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹¹ Not that I speak ^[a]from want, for I have learned to be ^[b]content in whatever circumstances I am. ¹² I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. ¹³ I can do all things ^[c]through Him who strengthens me.