I can't. He can.

As part of my recovery over the past two years, I have sought God regularly on how to proceed with either a new career or a modification of my previous one. My actions cost me many things; career was one of them. One of my deepest desires is to provide well for my family, while at the same time I want to be an active husband and father who leads and loves well. I want to be around my family as much as possible, while still pursuing a meaningful career. It's a hard balance.

I struggle to know how to provide well for my family. There are days when the 'math' doesn't add up and worry tries to set in. At times, it feels like I am going backwards. I have seen God answer prayers and provide blessings over and over, but I have to go to Him daily to remind me of His promises and to trust His provision, and timing. I often wonder to myself, "How much more does He have to show me before I have child-like faith and simply trust it's all going to work out?" Good question. Probably until I surrender fully and let His love and delight overcome my fear and misunderstandings about His grace and provision.

Worry won't solve it. Fear and doubt won't solve it. Borrowing a bunch of money won't solve it. Trying to rush the process won't fix it. Avoiding the issue all together won't make it happen. Sin definitely doesn't help.

Matthew 6:25-34 is one of many Bible verses that answers the question very well.

Do Not Worry (NIV)

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

My Heavenly Father has taken on the responsibility to provide for you and me, His children. That's a huge perspective change from feeling like I have to make it happen. Though I know I have responsibilities to fulfill, my main responsibility is to "seek first his kingdom and righteousness." He asks me to trust Him, and love Him and others with my whole heart, while loving and caring for myself as His beloved child. Then, "all these things will be given to you as well."

Why don't I simply take Him at His word? He asks me to seek Him, obey Him, love Him and let Him do the rest. As He leads, I follow. I don't have to be the hero as "provider of my family." I can't. But, He can. I have tried over the years and failed. I still try hard and usually hit a wall. However, when I enjoy the process, trust Him to lead, and let Him show me each step to take, I not only feel a joy and peace, but I get to see Him more clearly and more fully. I get to walk WITH HIM and HIM with ME. When that happens, life takes on a whole new meaning.

"Lord, I surrender again this morning. I know I waiver in fear and doubt, but help my unbelief! I want to allow You to care for me and my family and provide, even if it means only having enough "manna" for today. May I enjoy You and not fear or worry about tomorrow. Today is a gift. Let me enjoy it and see it as such from You." Amen