New Normal

New Normal. It's a phrase we often use regarding grief and moving on in life without a loved one. It can also apply to adultery recovery. Establishing "new normals" for life is crucial to long-term healing, accountability and faithfulness.

Recently, a client of mine said they just want things back to "normal" or to feel normal. Well, when adultery strikes a home, few things feel normal except feelings of craziness, confusion, anger, sadness, and uncertainty. This doesn't discount all of the great things that can happen, but there are many moments when despair is very real and strong. It takes a lot of courage in those moments to keep pressing on, trusting God can do something with the mess.

I don't want to go back to "normal." I was very moody, withdrawn, angry, defensive, overly busy, and selfish to the core. Not to mention prideful, full of self-hatred and shame and misguided in so many ways. I wasn't accountable to other men. I didn't accept responsibility for my actions. I wasn't confident in who I was in Christ. I had a few good traits but many dark secrets and struggles. On the surface, I often appeared to be a "good guy." I wanted to be and had many great moments of loving and serving others. However, I let sin rule in my heart rather than Jesus Christ.

I want a new normal. I want to be joyful, friendly, non-defensive yet assertive. Courageous but humble. Loving yet bold and firm in my faith. Accept full responsibility for my thoughts and actions. Be pure in heart and mind. Be highly accountable to other men. Pursue Christ with my whole heart and soul and let His love and truth transform me on the inside. Serve and give sacrificially. Be prosperous only so I can be a bigger blessing to others. Be a loving father and husband who leads with clarity and confidence as the Lord leads me.

There's no way Amy nor myself want to go back to the way things were before the fallout of 2011. Like I have said many times, I don't regret where I am today as a follower of Christ, husband or father, BUT I wish I would have taken a different path to get to this point. I still have a ton of growth still to occur. Hopefully our story will strengthen us more and more each day, so that we can continue to help others find hope that God can do ANYTHING, no matter how dark and painful it seems.

New normals start with the daily decision to do things differently, a little bit each day. One day, one choice, one decision at a time. I will either move toward healthy life change or away from it. I will either trust Christ and proactively seek Him and His will or not. I will either do the work of recovery or not.

Here's what I know:
1. God is faithful, even when I am not. He is at work whether I am or not. He invites me daily to participate in His life and work. I miss out when I don't seek and obey Him.  

2. Nothing can separate me from His love (Romans 8). I will not do my recovery perfectly. I can't do it on my own. No matter how difficult things in life become, He is with me. He is bigger. He is faithful. He is enough. His grace is sufficient. He holds all things together.

3. He knows what's best.  His ways are not like our ways. He sees the big picture. He knows what I need. He asks me to trust Him "while it is still called today." I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I know Him and will either trust Him or give in to fear and doubt. I want to base my life on His truth, not my emotions. Often they don't line up.

Thank God for second chances and "new normals." May we all receive them well and be set free!
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Lamentations 3:22-24 (HCSB)

²² Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish,^[h] for His mercies never end.
²³ They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!
²⁴ I say: The Lord is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him.