The children's minister at our church is a very technical guy and has all of the recording equipment and software. He does the media "stuff" as well at the church. I don't know how he keeps up with it all. He's very talented! Anyway, he and I are meeting weekly to talk and record bits and pieces of our story. It has been a blessing to me to get to talk to him and learn more about him.
When I walked into his office yesterday, his mini "recording studio" was there waiting on me. My nervousness kicked in a bit since I don't like hearing my voice AND I felt vulnerable due to the sensitivity of our story. I had typed up an overview of our story but didn't know how it would sound or if it would be organized and clear. I put my nerves aside and just started talking.
I was surprised how powerful and healing it was for me to read the story "into the microphone." There were several times when a wave of emotion hit me so hard that I had to stop talking for a moment. Even 2 1/2 years later it is emotional to think back on those early moments of having to tell Amy the awful news of my betrayal. It is also very humbling to think about God's amazing grace and work in our marriage.
I realized even more how necessary and healing it is going to be for me to do these recordings. I need to keep telling the story, no matter how emotional, painful, or difficult it may be. It has been a commitment of ours from early on, and the more we share our story, the more we realize how badly we need to, for our sake. The healing has to start and continue in us first. As we do our "recovery" each day, we want to be obedient to "pay it forward" and help others in their journey.
I know I am capable of deep, dark sin, but I also have come to know that God is able to do HUGE work in my life when I trust Him. These are the words I spoke in the first two paragraphs that are a reminder of where I have been and where God has brought me:
My name is Scotty and I am a recovering adulterer. Key word is recovering. Otherwise, I would just be an adulterer and wouldn’t have much of a story to tell. I am sad that I gave in to the lies of adultery, but I am happy that I am able to experience God’s grace and mercy and learn from my failures.
________________________________________________________________________Thankfully, I am also able to say that my marriage has survived adultery AND has thrived despite that awful fact. I will assure you it’s not because I am so great. God is the hero of our story, not me. I am the villain. I deserved divorce, severe punishment, and awful things to happen. I put my wife through intense pain and have suffered big consequences. However, by the grace of God we have experienced a miracle. We have seen the hand of God work in and through us from day one.
Matthew 16:24-27 (NASB)
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. 25 For whoever wishes to save his [v]life will lose it; but whoever loses his [w]life for My sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? 27 For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then [x]repay every man according to his [y]deeds.
No comments:
Post a Comment