Searching for Significance

We are all searching for significance. The question is "Where are searching for it?" Another great video by Ransomed Heart Ministries and the Killing Lions series...
http://andsonsmagazine.com/killing-lions/season-1/killing-lions-9-searching-validation#.U9mhjkC1Gk8

The 2nd greatest example of unconditional love

Jesus is the greatest unconditional lover of us there is. 2nd to him I believe is....

Dogs. Yep. They love unconditionally and with little effort.

Want to have a greater influence on others, especially your wife/husband and children?

Love like dogs. By the power of the holy spirit we can all do this better.

"We landed on the moon!"

There is a scene in the movie, Dumb and Dumber, when the character played by Jim Carey is leaving a building and notices a sign that says, "Man walks on the moon!" He stands there and looks amazed and in awe and wonder. He is shocked and celebrates such an accomplishment by the USA - "We landed on the moon!" As we all know, that was "old news" and his reaction was a bit late due to his "ignorance," but its funny stuff!

I had a moment like that, sort of, this past weekend. I was at Amy's dad's house and noticed the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. I borrowed the book and started reading it. Wow; it is awesome. I almost thought, "Man, I have to tell people about this book!" Well, it's "old news" in a way, though I am sure many haven't read it, or even heard of it. It was first written in the late 1930's and caused quite a stir among people - in a good way. They originally printed 5000 copies but have sense sold over 15 million copies (maybe even way more than that)!!!!

As I read the book, I am getting convicted, saddened, and excited all at the same time. It is something I long to be like and wish I would have read it years and years ago. There is a part of me that thinks even if I would have read it, I would not have been open to the wisdom and insights. Hard to say, but at this point in my life, I want to let it radically transform my mind and actions towards others. I want to be a difference maker and stop living in the "funk" of my regret, shame, and doubt.

Check out the book or audio downloads. It is incredible and most likely will inspire you to be greater, more loving, more kind, more encouraging, more serving, and more people-oriented.

Adultery Recovery Truth

Truth: For many years, as Amy's husband and as a Christian, I neglected her need and desire for unconditional love, acceptance, grace, service, protection, and faithfulness. Then, to top it all off, I betrayed her. If I ever would have thought that she should be "over it" quickly and without serious struggle, then I would have been harsh and unloving even more.

Three years later, I still do NOT expect her to be "over" it or not have hard days from time to time. I never want to minimize the pain I have caused her. May God, through His Holy Spirit and Son, continue to work in and through me to love and be loved and share His gospel message with a lost and dying world.

A busted heart takes time to heal. Let God do His healing work in your spouse AND in you - as long as it takes. 

Flaws and Friendship

I continue to slowly work my way through the book, The Meaning of Marriage, by Timothy Keller. Chapter four is on friendship in marriage. Look at this powerful quote:

If you don't see your mate's deep flaws and weaknesses and dependencies, you're not even in the game. But if you don't get excited about the person your spouse has already grown into and will become, you aren't tapping into the power of marriage as spiritual friendship. The goal is to see something absolutely ravishing that God is making of the beloved. you see even now flashes of glory. You want to help your spouse become the person God wants him or her to be.

What a powerful vision for marriage - helping each as friends and lovers become "the person God wants him or her to be." We as spouses have to each take responsibility for our personal and spiritual development and relationship with God, but what a higher calling as spouses to cheer each other on and be active in what God is doing in and through the other. It sure beats selfish living and constant tension and fighting against one another.

"Complaint"

I had a nickname in high school, well actually more than one, but one of them sticks out more than others lately. I was called "complaint." I was very negative and quite vocal about it. I had the "Rogers temper" and vented my disapproval often. I had that habit long past high school. It rears it's ugly head even still. It is a battle to fight daily to prevent it from taking up residence again.

I have many regrets in life. One is becoming clearer as I continue to do inventory of my heart and soul. I regret that I have wasted tons of opportunities to use my tongue (i.e. my words) to speak life and kindness and encouragement: with my children, with Amy, with my extended family, and with people I don't know well or like very much. I get it right from time to time, but I still have some deep seated "habits and hang ups" with my words that I need to be more disciplined and transformed.  

I started reading "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. I am bit late in reading it since over 15 million copies have been sold since the 1930's. Right out of the gate (chapter one), I was burdened by my repeat offense of principle one: Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Carnegie said it does little good to criticize or condemn others because of people's thirst for approval. Our condemnation and criticism "doesn't lead them to making lasting changes" AND "they will likely justify themselves" (not own up to it) and they will "condemn us in return." 

It seems so obvious and even in line with Gods truth. "Do everything without grumbling or complaining" to name one verse. There are tons more. So why do I continue to lack discipline with my words and tongue? I guess it is something I am finally ready to allow God to heal and work on. Add it to the long list since 2011. 

I am grateful to become more aware and burdened by this sin and struggle of mine. I prefer to speak love and kindness, though I don't as a habit. It is a choice and can be corrected. If you have been a victim of my negativity or "spewing" over the years, then I am terribly sorry. I hope you will forgive me. For your sake. My heart longs to speak life and love. My habits contradict this longing. May God transform my heart, since "out of the overflow of he heart the mouth speaks."
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James 3:10 (NASB)

¹⁰ from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

My Marriage

There are life lessons that I have had to learn as a near 40 year old that honestly I wish I would have learned as a young teen/adult. As a Christ follower, God calls me, through a personal walk with Him and the Holy Spirit, to love, serve, forgive, discipline, and more unconditionally - as He does for me. My flesh battles against selfishness, fear, pride, shame, lust, anger, bitterness, etc, but God is always leading me to Himself, His truth, His love, and the fruit of His Spirit.

You always hear people say that "if mama ain't happy then no body's happy." I get that. But, according to Scripture, I as the husband have been given the role of leader of my home. I believe I set the tone for the home. If I am checked out, harsh, impatient, defensive, negative, etc, then I believe it will set the tone for the home in a negative way. If I am leading well, humble, confident, loving, and active in my home, then I believe it will change the tone of the home as well - for the good. For a majority of our marriage, I didn't quite grasp this concept. It finally hit me like a ton of bricks this summer. Now, I realize it more and more and want to take seriously my influence on the spiritual and emotional climate of my home. It's a daily struggle to undo so many years of neglect, but I am seeing it grow gradually.

Two weeks ago I started feeling disconnected from Amy, angry, lonely, and those feelings sucked the life out of my joy and peace - and hers. It was not a good place. I hated feeling that way. Amy hated me feeling that way because of how I was treating her. We didn't argue, but there was a distance and tension that had not been present in a long time.

It was the first time in nearly three years that I had felt such tension toward her emotionally and mentally. Sadly, we spent YEARS prior to 2011 with me feeling and acting that way. I am not sure how we made it. Better yet, I am not sure how she made it with me being so difficult, defensive, negative, hateful, selfish, unloving, and deeply insecure.

After two very long weeks, Amy and I talked candidly last Thursday. She got out her feelings, though I was still not having fond thoughts. I was glad to hear her open up, though. It made me think through some things and let go of my pride and fear. Over the weekend she and I talked again. On Saturday, I talked to a Christian brother and verbally let out my struggle very transparently. On Monday, I met with my pastor and another brother and talked very transparently yet again. I was determined to get this stuff out and find some peace and clarity. I am happy to say that the anger has left me, and I feel very close to Amy again. What a blessing! I was getting fearful that we were not going to be able to turn it around.

Opening up to Amy and other Christian brothers was something I neglected to do prior to 2011. I am grateful for people in my life that are willing to walk with me through this journey. I am thankful Amy has stuck with me, and we are growing despite the "earthquake" of 2011, that still has some aftershocks.

We are not out of the "woods" yet, but we got some hope and peace back this week. We have survived yet another "funk" that felt very dim and dark and uncertain. God is good. He is faithful to answer prayers. He is very gracious. I could not make it without the Lord's loving presence and guidance.

I want to love and lead my wife and family, even during the "funks." But, I keep getting reminded that when Amy and I feel close and connected and fond of one another, there isn't much in life that we will face that we can't boldly attack and survive. When I feel her delight and I delight in her, then I feel like a million bucks. Fear decreases. Peace increases. Confidence goes up. Joy is more present. Focus and purpose becomes clearer.

Amy blogged twice in the past week, which is a good indication of God's work in her. It's a great post from yesterday that made me smile and reminisce with joy and gladness. God is the hero of our story. For that, I am forever grateful and never want to forget that.Check it out - Enjoying God's Goodness.

If you are struggling and feel like you are in the middle of a valley, then press on. He is with you. He will never forsake you, even if you feel as if He has. Hold on to truth and faith. Plead with Him to give you a glimmer of hope. Seek Him with your whole heart and mind and soul. He will be found. He wants you to find Him and see Him and delight in Him. He's not holding out on you.

"Integrity is what you do when no one is watching. It is also doing the thing you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you." Jeff Olson, The Slight Edge

It's time to take action

I got this in my email inbox this morning. What a great follow up to yesterday's post. God is really affirming that which I need to hear and apply. I may forget this powerful truth tomorrow, so as Zig Ziglar said...

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing- that's why we recommend it daily." 

July 21, 2014

Action vs. Self-Delusion

by Jim Rohn

Knowledge fueled by emotion equals action. Action is the ingredient that ensures results. Only action can cause reaction. Further, only positive action can cause positive reaction. Action. The whole world loves to watch those who make things happen, and it rewards them for causing waves of productive enterprise.

I stress this because today I see many people who are really sold on affirmations. And yet there is a famous saying that, “Faith without action serves no useful purpose.” How true! I have nothing against affirmations as a tool to create action. Repeated to reinforce a disciplined plan, affirmations can help create wonderful results. But there is also a very thin line between faith and folly. You see, affirmations without action can be the beginnings of self-delusion, and for your well-being there is little worse than self-delusion. The man who dreams of wealth and yet walks daily toward certain financial disaster and the woman who wishes for happiness and yet thinks thoughts and commits acts that lead her toward certain despair are both victims of the false hope which affirmations without action can manufacture. Why? Because words soothe and, like a narcotic, they lull us into a state of complacency. Remember this: To make progress you must actually get started. The key is to take a step today. Whatever the project, start TODAY. Start clearing out a drawer of your newly organized desk… today. Start setting your first goal… today. Start listening to motivational cassettes… today. Start a sensible weight-reduction plan… today. Start calling on one tough customer a day… today. Start putting money in your new "investment for fortune" account… today. Write a long-overdue letter… today. Anyone can! Even an uninspired person can start reading inspiring books. Get some momentum going on your new commitment for the good life. See how many activities you can pile on your new commitment to the better life. Go all out! Break away from the downward pull of gravity. Start your thrusters going. Prove to yourself that the waiting is over and the hoping is past—that faith and action have now taken charge. It's a new day, a new beginning for your new life. With discipline you will be amazed at how much progress you'll be able to make. What have you got to lose except the guilt and fear of the past? Now, I offer you this challenge: See how many things you can start and continue in this—the first day of your new beginning.

"Lead Me with Strong Hands"

For the past two months, I have been wrestling with some pretty major battles internally. God has been showing me parts of my heart that still need His healing touch. It brought to surface deep insecurities that led me to a crossroad. I was either going submit to God and let Him lead me out of the darkness and into His light and freedom OR I was going to give in to fear, shame, doubt, and weakness (yet again).  The second option is not an option anymore.

For most of my life, I have not felt strong, adequate, confident, or able to do what it takes to succeed - at least for the most part. I have areas of confidence, but not full confidence. I have submitted to this mindset for far too long. Amy is weary of it, and so am I. This summer, I believe God has said, "Enough. Let's walk out of that bondage and start living, really living." I am excited and scared to death. As they say, "there is no courage without fear."

I want desperately to lead Amy and my family. I want to be strong, confident, daring, bold yet humble, assertive, and barrel through any resistance from the evil one, whether I feel like it or not. I do it with writing and running. Why not as a leader of my home, with money, or with career? That's my "million dollar question." When (not if) I get clarity on that question, then my life will look very different - for the good.

For the past three years, I have worked diligently to retrain my mind and heart to think and believe differently. I have hit walls and faced some struggles and frustrations. I have not followed through with some key decisions. This summer, I have been overwhelmed and a bit frustrated with my lack of drive and determination. It's time to stop that non sense. It's time to take action. I am ready to stop simply talking about overcoming my fears. It's time to actually face them and overcome them. My feelings have led me to give in to doubt and fear. It's time to live in faith, truth, boldness, and confidence in the Lord.

If I don't keep reminding myself of this and letting others remind me, then I will become a weaker and weaker man who doesn't keep his word. That's not acceptable. I hate that I have put Amy in the position of having to take up the slack for my failures and struggle to provide and lead our family. I hate that I haven't been a great example to my three children who need to see a strong (yet humble) man and follower of Christ who fights for his family daily.

In some ways, I think I deep down wanted Amy to take care of my emotional needs and "baggage." In my lack of confidence as a leader of my home, I looked to her to give me validation when it came to decisions. I let my need and longing for her approval keep me stuck in indecisiveness. I am the one called to lead, alongside her. I have neglected to do that well. I still want her validation, approval, and affection, but on the days she struggles to give it or I struggle to receive it, I  WANT TO LEAD ANYWAY! I've been holding back when I don't feel her love or approval. That's not fair to her. It's sinful and not what God desires. It's immature as a follower of Christ.

God knows my heart and longings. He wants me to fully trust Him, even when my feelings don't line up with what I know to be true. I have confessed this and want to start living free. I am tired of going back into the prison cell of shame, doubt, fear, and inadequacy. I am thankful for the men in my life who are there to encourage me and lift me up. I am thankful that I have opened up to them and let them speak life into me. It's been a huge part of my recovery and healing that has kept me in the fight.

This is a transparent confession that I needed to share. I have been holding back from blogging this part of my journey for the past couple of weeks. I talked to a dear brother in the Lord last night for over an hour, and it was a timely and hugely important conversation. It was exactly what I needed, though before we talked I nearly avoided the conversation all together. I am glad I got to talk to him. It was another evidence of God's grace and mercy through His people.

There is a song that has spoken to me often by Sanctus Real called, "Lead Me." The words are what I treasure and long to do as a husband and father. The video link is below. May God speak to you through it.

Book on Grief and Loss

A new book came out recently by JJ and Melanie Jasper of Tupelo, MS. Five years ago today their 5 year old son Cooper was killed while riding with JJ, his daddy, on a dune buggy on their farm. The couple has written a book about it to help others find hope during their darkest hours of loss. What a powerful story I heard them talk about on the radio today.

Here is the link: http://afastore.net/losing-cooper-simulcast-set.html

Reliance on the Holy Spirit

Over the past two years while counseling, there have been sessions with clients when I felt completely clueless and unsure what to do or say for them. In those moments, instead of panicking, I silently pray and ask the Holy Spirit for help and guidance. Amazingly, my eyes become open to wisdom and insights that I couldn't have obtained on my own.

At home, I have moments when I feel the same way. I often don't know what I should say or not say to Amy, particularly when she is dealing with painful memories of the past that make the present very challenging and frustrating. There are times I think I know what's bothering her, and there are other times when I am clueless but hesitate to ask. In those moments, I don't want to aggravate her more, but I also don't want to withdraw from her. I want to provide comfort and seek understanding. I don't succeed at this as often as I would like.

Just like while counseling, when those moments occur I want to pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance. I have found that when I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me, and she does the same, the outcome is so much better. The Holy Spirit not only comforts us both but also allows each of us to feel a peace and see a perspective that we were missing. God's truth and promises become clearer when the Holy Spirit illuminates them for us.

I wish I could take away the pain from Amy's past and her present struggles with lingering issues that go beyond my betrayal. I never want to stop striving for freedom, complete healing, and allow God to have His way with me and my family. His will is best. His timing is perfect. He is always good and faithful.

Walking through the healing and "interpretation" of what God is up to can be a bit slow and overwhelming, though. Some of our struggles feel a bit "permanent" the longer they go on, but we are praying that's not the case. If Jeremiah 29:11 promises took 70 years for God to bring to fruition, then our years of struggle seem short in comparison.

Amy and I both hope that it doesn't take God 70 years to bring some understanding and healing in areas that seem to have been around for the 17 years of our marriage! But, if He does wait that long OR we never see freedom from those struggles, then we want to still praise and glorify Him. Heaven is our real home anyway. We believe, Lord, help our unbelief.
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John 14:25-27 (NASB)

²⁵ “These things I have spoken to you while abiding with you. ²⁶ But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you. ²⁷ Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

New American Standard Bible (NASB) Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation

Still talking about it?

In six weeks or so, it will have been three years since I called Amy to tell her to come to the counseling office in order to tell her the horrendous news. In some ways, that seems like a lifetime ago. In other ways, it seems so short. The ups and downs have been quite a ride, but God has proven faithful, loving, merciful, and good since the beginning of our journey.

This summer has been an emotionally and spiritually draining yet necessary pruning process. July has been better, and Amy and I both are seeing some of the fog lift. We are beginning to see more of the purposes God has in store for us - though we both know it's a "daily bread" sort of process. There is still much to sort out. We are praying for understanding in various areas of our life, but overall, we are full of gratitude and thankfulness. We continue to walk this path one day at a time. With the love and support of friends, it has been more manageable. Some days, we both feel a bit alone, but that is mostly because we have a lot to sort out privately with each other and the Lord.

We still talk about it with one another and others as it comes up. It's etched into our story, whether we want it to be or not. We want God to be honored despite the pain. We want full healing personally and in our marriage. We can get by without talking about "it" for days, maybe even weeks at a time, but it's still there. The effects are still lingering. BUT, God is the hero of our story, so in some ways we rejoice in talking about because of what all He has done. If we make it about His redeeming work and not just the failure and "ugliness" of it, then it takes on a new meaning.

Our greatest fear

From the book, The Meaning of Marriage, by Timothy Keller. Powerful truth that speaks clearly about the difference between a "fling" and a life-long commitment of love, "warts and all."

...romantic flings are so intoxicating largely because the person is actually in love with a fantasy rather than a real human being...When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved, is well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us...Passion may lead you to make a wedding promise, but then that promise over the years makes the passion richer and deeper.

What a great reminder to stay true to one another, get to know each other deeply, and love for the long-haul, as we both allow God's love to transform us from the inside-out. 

God is not hindered by or insensitive to our pain, suffering, doubts, fears, unbelief, or suffering.

Vows

Disclaimer: I am going to post this, knowing it may be a painful reminder to Amy, and even myself, about my failure to stay true to our wedding vows that I made on May 17, 1997, before her, God, and our friends and family.

This is an exert from the book, The Meaning of Marriage. It's a reminder to hang on to your marriage and vows, despite how tough things may be currently...

Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love. A wedding should not be primarily a celebration of how loving you feel now - that can safely be assumed. Rather, in a wedding you stand up before God, your family, and all the main institutions of society, and you promise to be loving, faithful, and true to the other person in the future, regardless of undulating internal feelings or external circumstances.

Longitudinal studies reveal that two-thirds of unhappy marriages will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced. Two thirds! What can keep marriages together during the rough patches? The vows. A public oath, made to the world, keeps you "tied to the mast" until your mind clears and you begin to understand things better. Its keeps you in the relationship when your feelings flag, and flag they will.

I realize more and more how little I focused on the covenant of my marriage vows and commitment to God and Amy. I was foolish, ignorant, selfish, and cold-hearted. I am grateful that my marriage has survived and somehow is moving closer to how God designed it to be. I pray that Amy and I both continue to grow in our love for Christ and one another, so we can experience fully all God intends for our marriage and family life - not just for ourselves - but for our children, a lost world, and for His Name sake.

Transformation

I have spent a lot of time over the past three years, reading and listening to audios to help me undo much of the faulty thinking I lived by for many years. I need constant reminders since I quickly go back to "familiar" ways of thinking, particularly when I am feeling stressed or inadequate (i.e. helpless, powerless, insecure, not good enough, etc.). Running to God and His truth daily is what I need and is best. It's a process, a journey, a fellowship with the Father that is a slow, deepening, not a quick fix, or "sprint." 

I have to guard against "sprinting" since I can be impatient and/or panic. I can tell when I am rushing God's timing or trying to skip steps because I feel overwhelmed, self-pity, fear, and move toward isolation and withdrawal. Temptations are highest when I feel that way as well - depression, hopelessness, despair, shame, self-hatred, and even sexual temptation. Feelings can lead us astray and reveal our internal beliefs. God's truth never changes or returns "void." I don't want to allow shame to stick around and do as Matt Chandler said in a sermon, "...in our shame we tend to turn to things that cause us shame." Doing that only compounds the shame and problems. It doesn't ease the pain; it magnifies the pain.

Like eating, drinking fluids, filling up our tanks with gas, I need to refill everyday. The longer I go without plugging into Christ and His truth and delighting in Him and Him in me, the worse my thinking becomes. The more I seek information over transformation, the worse I become as well. I don't want to use God for what He can do for me or give me. I want to love Him with no strings attached. That's how He loves me - it's unconditional. He doesn't need anything from me, but He wants to have a relationship with me. He wants my heart. He wants me to trust Him. He loves me even if I don't love Him back. He is faithful, even if I am unfaithful to Him.

Am I impatient? Yes. Do I have trust issues? Yes. Do I want to walk in Christ's freedom and stop giving into unbelief and doubt? YES! Thankfully, God is patient, kind, slow to anger, and isn't threatened by my emotional "roller coaster." He is the "same yesterday, today, and forevermore." He "sees the depths of my heart and loves me the same" as Chris Tomlin sings. That's an amazing love. I believe; help my unbelief. 

In this "Information Age," to grow and mature, I need to let God turn my information into transformation. Otherwise I have a lot of knowledge without heart and life change. 

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Romans 12:1-2 (NASB)

12 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, ^[a]acceptable to God, which is your ^[b]spiritual service of worship. ² And do not be conformed to this ^[c]world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may ^[d]prove what the will of God is, that which is good and ^[e]acceptable and perfect.

"Pain is not your biggest battle."

"Pain is not your biggest battle. If you can beat hopelessness and despair, then you will win the battle." Ransomed Heart Ministries.

Watch this video that addresses this battle we all face. http://andsonsmagazine.com/killing-lions/season-1/killing-lions-5-pain-not-your-biggest-battle#.U7QLLEDySk8

The Idol of Comfort

In my sin and betrayal, I was very uncomfortable (though sadly I remained in it's bondage for years). Sin does that to us. The more sin we live in and submit to, the deeper the pain and damage. I regret giving in to such blatant sin, but I am grateful God brought me out of it and exposed it publicly. I don't believe it would have been sufficient to just have it exposed privately.

Now, this summer and the past three years, I have been very uncomfortable, but for a much bigger reason. God has continually worked on the idols of my heart that need repentance AND the pain in my soul that needs healing. The shame, self-hatred, lust, pride, fear, insecurity (and false security), unbelief, and ignorance in my heart and mind enslaved me. God busted right through it and is doing a work in me that, at times, causes me to feel extremely uncomfortable and even confused.

Why confused? Because I can't see the big picture like He does. I don't fully understand why certain struggles are still in place. All I can see is where I have been, where I am now, and at times, where I would like to be. I am hoping and praying for Him to lead me, especially when I can't see beyond the moment. My desire is to live in the "here and now" to the fullest, so my "tomorrow" will not be full of regrets. It's hard when hopelessness and despair knock on the door of my heart daily. 

In my pain, frustration, stress and fear, I tend to drift toward security and to be comfortable, and/or to find somewhere that I feel adequate. That desire is not the problem unless I misunderstand what the deep, core need is and where to best turn to for relief. The world offers many "solutions" to the pain and discomfort, but none of them deliver the results as promised. They actually leave me feeling empty and more dependent. Only in Christ can I find the living water" that  my soul longs for. When I rest in Christ, my soul is refreshed. When I waiver in unbelief, doubt, and entitlement, and look to the world's false sense of comfort and security, I struggle and never feel satisfied or at peace. I usually walk away beat up, broken, empty, and full of shame and regret.

It's in my discomfort that I usually discover more about myself and Him. It's in my discomfort that I am able to finally cease striving just to "get something" from Him, and start resting in and enjoying Him - He is enough. His "stuff"and blessings are like "gravy on the biscuit." As Ephesians 1 says, He has already given me everything in Christ. To receive it and enjoy Him as the giver is to honor Him.

As hard as it has been for me to experience God's healing work, I am grateful. I must admit that I often pray for relief because Amy and I are weary in many ways regarding certain struggles that have lingered on for 17 years of our married life. Through it all, God is showing us His goodness, His grace, His kindness, and His faithfulness, and our dependence on Him. We want to stay in the fight and not give in to hopelessness or despair. 

Every day I have to ask, "Am I willing to be uncomfortable and surrender all so God can have my heart and His way in me? Is He sufficient, even if He never answers another prayer of mine from this day on? Will I receive His blessings well and use them for good and not for evil?" I hope so. Some days I struggle to confidently say "Yes." I believe, Lord. Bust down the walls of my unbelief, fear, and doubt!

"You can't repent your way out of brokenness. You need healing." John Eldredge, Ransomed Heart Ministries

Comfort and Troubles

I was sent this the other day and wanted to share it. Excellent stuff. 

Life Application Study Bible ® Devotion

Day 283 of 366
Many think that when God comforts us, our troubles should go away. But if that were always so, people would turn to God only out of a desire to be relieved of pain and not out of love for him. We must understand that being comforted can also mean receiving strength, encouragement, and hope to deal with our troubles. The more we suffer, the more comfort God gives us. If you are feeling overwhelmed, allow God to comfort you. Remember that every trial you endure will help you comfort other people who are suffering similar troubles.  __________________________________________________________________
Galatians 1:3-5 NIV
3 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, 4 who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, 5 to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.