The Idol of Comfort

In my sin and betrayal, I was very uncomfortable (though sadly I remained in it's bondage for years). Sin does that to us. The more sin we live in and submit to, the deeper the pain and damage. I regret giving in to such blatant sin, but I am grateful God brought me out of it and exposed it publicly. I don't believe it would have been sufficient to just have it exposed privately.

Now, this summer and the past three years, I have been very uncomfortable, but for a much bigger reason. God has continually worked on the idols of my heart that need repentance AND the pain in my soul that needs healing. The shame, self-hatred, lust, pride, fear, insecurity (and false security), unbelief, and ignorance in my heart and mind enslaved me. God busted right through it and is doing a work in me that, at times, causes me to feel extremely uncomfortable and even confused.

Why confused? Because I can't see the big picture like He does. I don't fully understand why certain struggles are still in place. All I can see is where I have been, where I am now, and at times, where I would like to be. I am hoping and praying for Him to lead me, especially when I can't see beyond the moment. My desire is to live in the "here and now" to the fullest, so my "tomorrow" will not be full of regrets. It's hard when hopelessness and despair knock on the door of my heart daily. 

In my pain, frustration, stress and fear, I tend to drift toward security and to be comfortable, and/or to find somewhere that I feel adequate. That desire is not the problem unless I misunderstand what the deep, core need is and where to best turn to for relief. The world offers many "solutions" to the pain and discomfort, but none of them deliver the results as promised. They actually leave me feeling empty and more dependent. Only in Christ can I find the living water" that  my soul longs for. When I rest in Christ, my soul is refreshed. When I waiver in unbelief, doubt, and entitlement, and look to the world's false sense of comfort and security, I struggle and never feel satisfied or at peace. I usually walk away beat up, broken, empty, and full of shame and regret.

It's in my discomfort that I usually discover more about myself and Him. It's in my discomfort that I am able to finally cease striving just to "get something" from Him, and start resting in and enjoying Him - He is enough. His "stuff"and blessings are like "gravy on the biscuit." As Ephesians 1 says, He has already given me everything in Christ. To receive it and enjoy Him as the giver is to honor Him.

As hard as it has been for me to experience God's healing work, I am grateful. I must admit that I often pray for relief because Amy and I are weary in many ways regarding certain struggles that have lingered on for 17 years of our married life. Through it all, God is showing us His goodness, His grace, His kindness, and His faithfulness, and our dependence on Him. We want to stay in the fight and not give in to hopelessness or despair. 

Every day I have to ask, "Am I willing to be uncomfortable and surrender all so God can have my heart and His way in me? Is He sufficient, even if He never answers another prayer of mine from this day on? Will I receive His blessings well and use them for good and not for evil?" I hope so. Some days I struggle to confidently say "Yes." I believe, Lord. Bust down the walls of my unbelief, fear, and doubt!

"You can't repent your way out of brokenness. You need healing." John Eldredge, Ransomed Heart Ministries