At home, I have moments when I feel the same way. I often don't know what I should say or not say to Amy, particularly when she is dealing with painful memories of the past that make the present very challenging and frustrating. There are times I think I know what's bothering her, and there are other times when I am clueless but hesitate to ask. In those moments, I don't want to aggravate her more, but I also don't want to withdraw from her. I want to provide comfort and seek understanding. I don't succeed at this as often as I would like.
Just like while counseling, when those moments occur I want to pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance. I have found that when I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me, and she does the same, the outcome is so much better. The Holy Spirit not only comforts us both but also allows each of us to feel a peace and see a perspective that we were missing. God's truth and promises become clearer when the Holy Spirit illuminates them for us.
I wish I could take away the pain from Amy's past and her present struggles with lingering issues that go beyond my betrayal. I never want to stop striving for freedom, complete healing, and allow God to have His way with me and my family. His will is best. His timing is perfect. He is always good and faithful.
Walking through the healing and "interpretation" of what God is up to can be a bit slow and overwhelming, though. Some of our struggles feel a bit "permanent" the longer they go on, but we are praying that's not the case. If Jeremiah 29:11 promises took 70 years for God to bring to fruition, then our years of struggle seem short in comparison.
Amy and I both hope that it doesn't take God 70 years to bring some understanding and healing in areas that seem to have been around for the 17 years of our marriage! But, if He does wait that long OR we never see freedom from those struggles, then we want to still praise and glorify Him. Heaven is our real home anyway. We believe, Lord, help our unbelief.
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John 14:25-27 (NASB)
25 “These things I have spoken to you while abiding with you. 26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.
New American Standard Bible (NASB) Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation
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