- How well do you have your children's hearts?
- How sure are your children that they have yours?
While driving, I made a sarcastic remark (for the 2nd time this week) to the boys friend when one of them didn't know what something was - I said, "He must be home schooled." I said this statement the other day to a friend of ours as well. It was sarcasm directed at me as their teacher and not a criticism of them. However, I told Collin that it was not a criticism of him, but when I asked if it felt like it was a criticism of him, he said yes. I apologized and said it was not intended to be and admitted I shouldn't have said it.
I have work to do. I use sarcasm way too much. I know better. It's become a habit. It has led to the boys being confused at times if I am being serious or joking. This is not a good thing. Sarcasm needs to be used sparingly. It rarely has positive effects on children. We can have fun without constant sarcasm.
Yesterday, I decided to do something "out of the norm" while riding in the truck. It's something that needs to be done more often so it's less awkward for me or the children. On the way home, I told the three boys (my two and a friend of theirs) that I wanted to say encouraging things to them and them to each other. Collin seemed to misunderstand what I meant and thought he would get in trouble for "sharing his feelings." I need to do a better job leading in this area. I want my children to know how to be assertive and open with their feelings in a loving, respectful way. I don't want them to be "Yes men," or jerks. It's a hard balance.
Anyway, I shared a list of 5 or 6 things I liked or appreciated/valued about each of them. I don't know how much impact it had on them, but it's something that I have neglected to do on a regular basis. Purposeful parenting and building up each of my children is an area I want to strengthen. I want their hearts to FEEL and experience my love regularly. I want my discipline to lead them to repentance and growth. I want them to trust me and allow me (and Amy) to lead them. I want them to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and mind. I want them to see my love for God lived out daily in my relationship with them, Amy and others.
In Chapter 6 of the book, they share ten ways fathers can lose the hearts of their children. They later share how to win their hearts. These have been good for me to read and read again. I want to let God show me the areas of my heart that need mending. I want my parenting habits to honor the Lord and help my children grow and thrive. I don't want to make it harder for them to trust me or the Lord. Below are the ten things that fathers "do to anger and lose the hearts of their children." Refer to the book for more detailed explanations of each. May the Lord use them in me and you to lead us to repentance and toward a more honoring role as fathers (or mothers) in the lives of children:
How Fathers Lose Their Hearts
1. Your absence
2. Your anger
3. Unjust discipline
4. Harsh criticism
5. Lack of compassion
6. Favortism
7. Hypocrisy
8. Hurting their mother
9. Misunderstanding
10. Unrealistic expectations
__________________________________________________________________________
"If your child believes he can't please you, he'll eventually quit trying ... God can graciously redeem our many failures for good, provided we recognize those failures and confess them. Too many men refuse to apologize because they're trying to save face and don't want to look bad. But their pride is only making matters worse. Dads who admit their shortcomings don't lose their children's trust. They gain it." (Kendrick, p.109)
No comments:
Post a Comment