I don't like feeling that way. I want to be full of joy, contentment, passion, purpose, and happiness. I even told God that it would best for everyone around me for me to feel that way. :) A lot of that is up to me. Some of it is learning how to navigate life in the transition between where I was and where He is taking me; growing pains so to speak. It's not supposed to be easy, but I don't want to lose heart or lack faith in the midst of it.
What happened after my vent session and outburst? He answered. He actually answered my prayer and gave me relief. How overwhelmingly humbling. My surprise in His answer to my prayer reveals my lack of child-like faith and momentary lapse in focusing more on my shame and doubt, rather than His truth. How or why would I be surprised. He is a good Father.
I am grateful that God answered my prayers and gave me some relief. Nothing major changed in the details of my circumstances, but it proved to me once again (as if He needs to prove Himself) that God has not forsaken me/us, and He answers prayers in His time, His way. My role is to seek, pursue, delight, ask, obey, trust, and submit to His leading. He is fully aware of what's best. When I participate in His life and rest in Him and His truth, all is "well with my soul."
Psalm 13 (see below) is a great prayer to reflect my experience this week. I am so thankful for the Psalms and King David. I can relate all too well.
Psalm 13, The Message (MSG)
A David Psalm
13 1-2 Long enough, God—
you’ve ignored me long enough.
I’ve looked at the back of your head
long enough. Long enough
I’ve carried this ton of trouble,
lived with a stomach full of pain.
Long enough my arrogant enemies
have looked down their noses at me.3-4 Take a good look at me, God, my God;
I want to look life in the eye,
So no enemy can get the best of me
or laugh when I fall on my face.5-6 I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms—
I’m celebrating your rescue.
I’m singing at the top of my lungs,
I’m so full of answered prayers.