The power of Jesus

In most things in our world, when something dirty comes in contact with something clean, what happens? Does the dirty object over take the clean or vice versa? Obvious answer to most people - the clean object becomes dirty. 

Not so with Jesus. He came into our dirty, sinful world. He came clean and holy into a sinfully, dirty mess. He was unchanged. Instead, He transformed us and conquered sin and death. 

So why do I often give more power to my sin, failures, struggles etc than I do the power of Jesus?? Seems dumb. It is foolish to say the least. 

God is the hero of our redemption stories. 

He is unchanged by us or our mess-ups. 

I am not the villain. Satan is. 

I am a wounded saint who has been given everything in Christ (Ephesians 1).  

God's promises hold true even if I doubt or have unbelief. He is faithful as a covenant-keeping God even when I am unfaithful. 

He loves us and wants to be our God, walking with us each day. 

What a mighty God we serve. Celebrate who He is today. Confess your unbelief. Rejoice in Him. Run to Him. Enjoy Him. Believe Him. Serve Him. Stand in awe of Him. Selah

Still going...

I haven't written much lately. Not sure why, at least not fully. I go through periods of time where I get writer's "block" and don't know what to say. Things are clicking along, though.

• The kids are enjoying home school and their Excelsior group. 
• TOT is back in session, though Amy is hoping for more participants. 
• Amy's Nerium business is growing. 
• I am still a part of Advocare. I live on the products. It's an amazing company and group of leaders and friends. 
• I am counseling one afternoon/evening a week and doing electrical work most days. 
• My emotional and spiritual state has been holding steady. That's a plus. 
• I found out this week I will be teaching as an adjunct in the Spring at a local community college. That's great news. I love teaching and look forward to the opportunity.
• We have amazing friends and are blessed to be still growing as a couple and family. We are very blessed and grateful. 

It's our fourth year since the fall out. I am excited to see what all God does in, through and around us. I want to have the courage to obey and participate in all He is doing and leading us to do. He says He can do "immeasurably more than we think or imagine." May we not stop imagining, hoping, expecting, and pursuing Him fully.

Career and Calling

I don't like the question, "What would you do for work (career) if money was not an issue?" I mean, I like the question because it kicks my brain into creative mode. However, money is a bit of an issue, so I get stuck in two different ways of thinking. With career, I swing between two extremes - Wanting to pursue something I believe would be fun, exciting, challenging, in my gift set, and honors God AND doing work that will help me pay bills that were due "yesterday." I don't want to "live to pay bills," but I also don't want to do work that feels "life less" or isn't at least 80% satisfying, makes a positive difference in the world, etc. I want "work and play" (and good provision) to be one in the same. A both/and sort of deal.

It's a daily battle I face. I am not saying that all of the work I do now is "life less," but I feel a bit scatter brained or pulled in numerous directions. I want to narrow my focus a bit and pick something to pursue. I don't want to do things half way. Sadly, it was a battle I faced BEFORE the fallout of 2011. Granted, it is different in most ways now, but it still often feels similar.

Some people seem to have a very clear direction for a career, pursue it, and thrive in it. Others seem to drift from job to job, career to career, never staying anywhere long. Both have their place. I fit somewhere in between them most days. As someone who has lost his job and career due to sin, I have to consider numerous factors when pursuing a job or career direction. I believe all followers of Christ need to consider many factors as well when choosing a career and/or company to work for. We all need to avoid being in places that dishonor God OR situations that can lead to habitual sin and compromise. Living in the world but not of the world can be a hard balance.  

Some factors I try to consider are:

• Will it be a job that puts me in compromising situations with females on a regular basis?
• Will I have to travel and stay in hotels often, being alone and away from my family regularly?
• Does the type of work trigger fears and concerns for Amy?
• Does the work schedule allow me flexibility, so I can make my marriage and family time a priority? 
• Does it provide well without forcing me to over work and be gone too much?
• Is the company a place of integrity and not hostile toward God or Christianity/Christian principles?

There are other factors to consider, but these are a few that come to mind. As I am praying about God's direction for my career and "calling," I weigh these out, while recognizing that I need to have boundaries and be abiding in Christ daily NO MATTER WHERE I WORK. Every day I wake up, I need to put on the armor of God and abide in His love and grace. I want to fill my mind with truth, stay close to Amy and my children, be transparent and honest with my accountability "brothers," and stay alert to the temptations around me.

My number one "calling" right now is to honor God in my marriage and love and lead my family. At the same time, I want to provide well for them and fully depend on God's leading. I don't feel like I am doing the best job I can at any of these. I desire to improve in all areas of my life, starting with my role as husband and father. The career "issue" comes up daily in my mind and tends to distract me often. I don't want it to stop me from being the best dad and husband I can be, though I have let it quite a bit this summer.

No matter how confused and lost I feel at times, I do know this: God is good and nothing can separate me from His love. He has proven that through all of this "mess." I hit rock bottom and caused an "earthquake," but He met me right there in the middle of it. He is a God who isn't afraid to get a bit "messy" with us. He's that determined to see us run to Him and stop running to the lies of the evil one. How amazing.
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Luke 15:4-7 (The Message) 

^4-7 “Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!’ Count on it—there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue.

Another Milestone

What a summer! Amy and I had, as I have said recently, one of the hardest summers of our marriage. It got so low, that both of us wondered if we could take much more. Well, despite my lack of belief and even some highly unpleasant prayers and "petitions," God came through. I don't know why I doubted, but He didn't let that stop Him. He also spoke to Amy last week on numerous occasions through various people and situations. He is very present and involved, even when we struggle to see Him. I stand in awe of Him today.

Three years ago today, I stood up in front of a church of 600+ in attendance and resigned from my position as minister to children. What an overwhelming, humbling, humiliating, and difficult experience that started the healing process. Three years later, I am still praying about lots of concerns, and we are still working through the healing process. However, Amy and I are very much in love and our friendship is deeper than ever before. Only God can do something like that. We sure don't take the credit for it.

We both still have concerns and a "wish" list of what we would like to see happen in our life, but overall we are grateful and seeing God's hand at work. I still have a long way to go, but I hope and pray that I have allowed God to have His way with my heart and life to this point. I don't want to stop abiding in Him, stop growing, stop maturing, or stop seeking Him and His wisdom.
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Philippians 1:3-6,The Message (MSG)

Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God’s Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

Three Years Ago...

Today is the three year anniversary of our marriage earthquake. What was evil and deeply hurtful, God has used for good. It is a day that represents both darkness and freedom. The dark days are getting further away, though we still hit lows and valleys. They are lows and valleys that are about spiritual and emotional pruning that challenge us greatly, but God has strengthened us each time we got through it. 

Amy and I are closer than ever. God enabled us to experience more joy over the past week than we have in a while. Today was a stressful day with work and life's "to-do's" but we are still celebrating. I did not get to see or talk to Amy like I hoped today due to work, etc, but I am still overflowing with gratitude. God spoke to her and me last week in POWERFUL ways. He's good. The week before I had hit such a low place spiritually that I wasn't sure I would come out of it. What a mighty God we serve.

We aren't over "IT" but God is getting us THROUGH it. 

3 S's

I am finally (hopefully) ending my three month (or even three year) pity party. I have gone through the valley and am thankful it didn't get worse before God broke through my despair. Yesterday I was talking to a guy  who has similar struggles as me and realized that each day I have to fight against 3 S's that contradict God's truth and keep me stuck:

• Self-Hatred (Shame)
• Self-Pity (Despair)
• Self-Righteousness (Pride)

None of these emotions or beliefs lead to freedom, joy, peace, action, or obedience in Christ. When I hit bottom this summer, the first two S's were very present in my mindset and thinking. Instead of getting energized to work out of the "funk," I got de-energized and depressed. Until I surrendered to God and let Him fill me up with His delight, I remained stuck and was moving into more hopelessness and despair.

I realized that I didn't like myself or who I had been much of my life and who I was becoming. I let my past define who I was. I let my past determine how my future would be. That led to more self-hatred, anger, sadness, and self-pity.

Thank God for His relentless pursuit of us when we are "lost." He will not leave us in the far country, at least not for long. He is a good Shepherd. A good Father. An ever present help in our time of need.

As I was running this morning, I realized a powerful truth about the journey Amy and I have been on for the past three years, especially this very difficult summer. This thought came to my mind...

If God has walked with us through the deepest of valleys and has been with us each step of the way, then He will certainly be with us when we are on the mountain top.

When you hit bottom and can experience the love and grace of God, then your perspective can be radically changed. You no longer feel forsaken when you experience God's grace and presence in your darkest hours of life. This is what has happened to Amy and me. In some ways, it is still "raining" and the circumstances we are facing still exist, but something changed in our perspective. We have both wrestled with God this summer and walked away with a limp but also received a huge blessing.

Our marriage has survived yet another season of tremendous difficulty and witnessed the power of God on an even deeper level. Just when we thought we couldn't take much more, He poured out His grace and mercy and strengthened us in ways we can hardly comprehend. We may have faced some days where we thought we may not make it through, but He broke through our fading hope and showed us that He was still interested in keeping us together and thriving as a couple.


God is good even when our emotions say He is not. He is faithful even when we feel as if He is punishing us or holding out on us. He is gracious even when we feel forsaken. His love is not dependent on our actions or emotions. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts. He is the same yesterday, today and forevermore. He holds all things together.

I may not know how this is going to turn out or why it's happening, YET I WILL PRAISE YOU, LORD!

What an emotional and spiritual roller coaster I live on. If God can speak to and through me, then I know for a fact He can speak through and to just about anyone!

It's time to take action

It seems that everything I am listening to and reading lately is emphasizing "action." I have been reading, studying, listening to audios, and being filled up with truth and information for three years, but I haven't been as active as I'd like. I've been busy no doubt. BUT, It's time to act in accordance with His will and purposes, not just "survive" or face despair. I may have a limp, but at least I can still move forward!

It's time to walk in obedience, freedom, truth, joy, confidence, and hope. Jesus is calling me out of the boat to trust Him. I have placed too much security in the boat, but the crazy thing is, the boat isn't secure. The boat can sink, rock, tip over, be filled with water, and more. Only Jesus is secure. He is unshakable. He holds all things together. I've missed out on so much peace and enjoyment of Him by focusing too much on my inadequacies and the "boat" (circumstances).

My friends and family lovingly reminded me of this. Scripture reminds me of this. My declining bank account reminds me of this. My fading hope reminds of this. My fear and doubt reminds of this. My need to feel significant and productive and lead my family well reminds me of this.

INFORMATION -----> TRANSFORMATION ------> APPLICATION.

I am seeking diligently to be filled with God's joy, wisdom, and to make better provision for family, while being a light in this world, starting with my home. I have felt "worse than an unbeliever" by not providing well for my family, but it's time to act. I don't know exactly what God has in store in for me, but I know it's going to be better than what I can imagine or think up. His promises still stand true. He can still use me for good. He is good like that. I want to let Him do all He wants to do so that His name is honored and people are drawn to Him.

It's bigger than me, my bank account, my family, and my situation. It is about His Kingdom and His glory and His salvation. When I see beyond myself and look to Him, the fog begins to fade and my passion and purpose in life begins to be more clear. 

This morning I was able to worship and praise Him while walking/jogging. Yesterday I worshiped Him while weed eating and mowing with a friend.God is steadily speaking into me. I realized, though, that He has been all along. I was just too distracted to hear Him clearly. I was focusing on the wrong things. I was so down and discouraged and inwardly focused that I missed Him. I despised myself and my circumstances so much that I missed hearing Him and delighting in Him.

Today I feel lighter, freer and more joyful. My situation hasn't changed a whole lot this week, and there are some major concerns I have about provision, etc. However, I am working hard to stay focused on Him and His grace. He is sufficient. He knows my need. He is at work. I want to trust Him and get active. Something good is going to happen soon. I don't know how God is going to come through, but I am trusting  He will in His time and His way. Am I ready to receive it? I SURE HOPE SO!
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Habakkuk 2:1 (NASB)

I will stand on my guard post
And station myself on the rampart;
And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me,

A new "name"

I listened to a powerful sermon, well actually, a bunch of sermons this week from Elevation church. Great stuff that God has used to speak to me (www.elevationchurch.org) or download the app.

I realized this week that I have still been holding on the bondage of my past and shame. I let self-hatred and lies shape and overshadow my identity. It is continually holding me back and keeping me stuck, especially with career and finances. I have held back out of feelings of inadequacy and shame, rather than "power, love, and sound mind." I have not been living as a free man, saved by Christ. The prison doors are open but I keep walking back in. Jesus died to take away my shame, but I keep picking it up!!! Not good!

I have decided to change the title of my blog. For now, it is called, The Wounded Saint. It is a reflection of who I am in Christ, while a reminder of the painful past THAT GOD HAS REDEEMED. I can't deny my sin and painful past, but I don't have to let it define me. God is bigger than my sin. His grace is sufficient. What I did was awful, terrible, and hurt so many people. However, His promises have not been nullified by my sin. I am not that powerful. He is faithful to Himself and His truth and promises even when we are not. Therefore, I can and want to honor my wife and family by walking out of the darkness and into the Light of Christ.

God is good. He is ever present. My circumstances are not what I want them to be, but I know God is working on me. When He answers my specific prayers about career and money (and my internal world of self-hatred, doubt, inadequacy and shame), it will be a blessing to me and not a "curse" that I mishandle. I pray for the faith to hold on, place my identity in Him, and live life to the fullest. I will have to wake up each day and go back to the "well" of His grace and truth, but that's okay. That's how He wants it because He likes hanging out with me. Now, it's my turn to learn to like myself and look through His filter and not my jacked up one. 

Are you there yet? Keep pressing on and pressing in, to Him. 

PS - This weekend marks the three year anniversary of when I confessed to Amy and the church. It is so hard to believe it has been three years. What a ride!!! Thank you to those who have walked it (and limped it) with us. You are a blessing.

1 Corinthians 1:9 (NASB)
God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

Our hope is not in the "boat"

Here is a great sermon on having hope and faith despite the circumstances. It was timely for me this week. 

http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/crash-the-chatterbox

Surprising Struggle

I never could have imagined that the summer of our third year of recovery would possibly be the hardest two months of the entire process. I have hit lows that I didn't anticipate and have challenges that have stretched me beyond my limits at times. I am grateful that God is still at work, though I regularly pray for insight and relief. I want to be in His will, but I frequently waiver in unbelief, anger, doubt, fear, confusion, and distrust. I wish I was less volatile emotionally. Thankfully I have seen God work when things seemed hopeless. That keeps me waking up each day with a renewed focus and purpose - and hope. 

If this doesn't get the best of Amy and me, then we will come out of this stronger than we ever imagined! Pray for us to stay the course and not give in to "hopelessness and despair" or spiritual and emotional fatigue.

Amy's blog post

My wife Amy posted on her blog this morning. Wow. Powerful stuff. I am beyond grateful. God is good. 

Check it out : www.rogers5online.blogspot.com

Keep Knocking (i.e. Praying)

This is a great devotional (see below) that helps me feel better about my repeated "persistent" and/or repetitive prayers about the same things it seems. Keep pounding the door! God can handle it!
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Ask Seek Knock
by Philip Yancey from Prayer


Jesus’ story about village neighbors must have provoked smiles and chuckles in his first-century audience. A man opens his door to an unexpected guest late one night - not uncommon in a desert climate that encourages travel after sunset - only to find his pantry bare. In a region renowned for hospitality, no decent person would turn away a weary traveler or put him to bed without nourishment, so the host strikes out to a friend’s house to ask for bread.

Kenneth Bailey, a Presbyterian missionary who lived in Lebanon forty years, illuminates some of the cultural nuances behind the story. Palestinians use bread as Westerners use silverware: they break off bite-sized pieces, dip into a common dish of meat and vegetables, and eat the entire sop. The man with empty cupboards was likely asking his friend for a main course as well as loaves of bread, and even that was typical. Villagers frequently borrowed from each other in hospitality emergencies. Bailey recalls one instance: “While living in primitive Middle Eastern villages, we discovered to our amazement that this custom of rounding up from the neighbors something adequate for the guest extended even to us when we were the guests. We would accept an invitation to a meal clear across the village, and arrive to eat from our own dishes which the villagers had borrowed quietly from our cook.”

In Jesus’ story, though, the neighbor stubbornly refuses the request (see Luke 11). He has already gone to bed, stretched out with his family on a mat in the one-room house - and, besides, the door is bolted shut. “Don’t bother me,” he calls to his neighbor outside. “I can’t get up and give you anything.”

A Middle Eastern audience would have laughed out loud at this lame excuse. Can you imagine such a neighbor? Jesus was asking. Certainly not! No one in my village would act so rudely. If he did, the entire village would know about it by morning!
Then Jesus delivers the punch line: “I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man’s boldness [his persistence, his shamelessness] he will get up and give him as much as he needs.” The application to prayer follows immediately:

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Luke positions this story right after Jesus’ teaching on the Lord’s Prayer, drawing a sharp contrast between the reluctant neighbor and God the Father. If a cranky neighbor who has turned in for the night, who wishes more than anything you would go away, who does his best to ignore you - if such a neighbor eventually rouses to give what you want, how much more will God respond to your bold persistence in prayer! After all, what earthly father would sneak a snake under his son’s pillow when he asks for a fish, or drop a scorpion on his daughter’s breakfast plate instead of an egg?

The Lord’s Prayer, often reduced to a mumbled ritual, an incantation, takes on new light in this story abutting it. We should pray like a salesman with his foot wedged in the door opening, like a wrestler who has his opponent in a headlock and won’t let go.

The God “who watches over you will not slumber,” promises a psalm of comfort. Even so, sometimes when we pray it feels as if God has indeed nodded off. Raise your voice, Jesus’ story implies. Strive on, like the shameless neighbor in the middle of the night.
Keep pounding the door.
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Your Turn
Ask seek knock... Easier said than done when it seems that God isn't answering the door! Have you quit praying about something because you didn't get an answer right away? Don't stop! Be persistent! Keep knocking!

Searching for Significance

We are all searching for significance. The question is "Where are searching for it?" Another great video by Ransomed Heart Ministries and the Killing Lions series...
http://andsonsmagazine.com/killing-lions/season-1/killing-lions-9-searching-validation#.U9mhjkC1Gk8

The 2nd greatest example of unconditional love

Jesus is the greatest unconditional lover of us there is. 2nd to him I believe is....

Dogs. Yep. They love unconditionally and with little effort.

Want to have a greater influence on others, especially your wife/husband and children?

Love like dogs. By the power of the holy spirit we can all do this better.

"We landed on the moon!"

There is a scene in the movie, Dumb and Dumber, when the character played by Jim Carey is leaving a building and notices a sign that says, "Man walks on the moon!" He stands there and looks amazed and in awe and wonder. He is shocked and celebrates such an accomplishment by the USA - "We landed on the moon!" As we all know, that was "old news" and his reaction was a bit late due to his "ignorance," but its funny stuff!

I had a moment like that, sort of, this past weekend. I was at Amy's dad's house and noticed the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. I borrowed the book and started reading it. Wow; it is awesome. I almost thought, "Man, I have to tell people about this book!" Well, it's "old news" in a way, though I am sure many haven't read it, or even heard of it. It was first written in the late 1930's and caused quite a stir among people - in a good way. They originally printed 5000 copies but have sense sold over 15 million copies (maybe even way more than that)!!!!

As I read the book, I am getting convicted, saddened, and excited all at the same time. It is something I long to be like and wish I would have read it years and years ago. There is a part of me that thinks even if I would have read it, I would not have been open to the wisdom and insights. Hard to say, but at this point in my life, I want to let it radically transform my mind and actions towards others. I want to be a difference maker and stop living in the "funk" of my regret, shame, and doubt.

Check out the book or audio downloads. It is incredible and most likely will inspire you to be greater, more loving, more kind, more encouraging, more serving, and more people-oriented.

Adultery Recovery Truth

Truth: For many years, as Amy's husband and as a Christian, I neglected her need and desire for unconditional love, acceptance, grace, service, protection, and faithfulness. Then, to top it all off, I betrayed her. If I ever would have thought that she should be "over it" quickly and without serious struggle, then I would have been harsh and unloving even more.

Three years later, I still do NOT expect her to be "over" it or not have hard days from time to time. I never want to minimize the pain I have caused her. May God, through His Holy Spirit and Son, continue to work in and through me to love and be loved and share His gospel message with a lost and dying world.

A busted heart takes time to heal. Let God do His healing work in your spouse AND in you - as long as it takes. 

Flaws and Friendship

I continue to slowly work my way through the book, The Meaning of Marriage, by Timothy Keller. Chapter four is on friendship in marriage. Look at this powerful quote:

If you don't see your mate's deep flaws and weaknesses and dependencies, you're not even in the game. But if you don't get excited about the person your spouse has already grown into and will become, you aren't tapping into the power of marriage as spiritual friendship. The goal is to see something absolutely ravishing that God is making of the beloved. you see even now flashes of glory. You want to help your spouse become the person God wants him or her to be.

What a powerful vision for marriage - helping each as friends and lovers become "the person God wants him or her to be." We as spouses have to each take responsibility for our personal and spiritual development and relationship with God, but what a higher calling as spouses to cheer each other on and be active in what God is doing in and through the other. It sure beats selfish living and constant tension and fighting against one another.

"Complaint"

I had a nickname in high school, well actually more than one, but one of them sticks out more than others lately. I was called "complaint." I was very negative and quite vocal about it. I had the "Rogers temper" and vented my disapproval often. I had that habit long past high school. It rears it's ugly head even still. It is a battle to fight daily to prevent it from taking up residence again.

I have many regrets in life. One is becoming clearer as I continue to do inventory of my heart and soul. I regret that I have wasted tons of opportunities to use my tongue (i.e. my words) to speak life and kindness and encouragement: with my children, with Amy, with my extended family, and with people I don't know well or like very much. I get it right from time to time, but I still have some deep seated "habits and hang ups" with my words that I need to be more disciplined and transformed.  

I started reading "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. I am bit late in reading it since over 15 million copies have been sold since the 1930's. Right out of the gate (chapter one), I was burdened by my repeat offense of principle one: Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Carnegie said it does little good to criticize or condemn others because of people's thirst for approval. Our condemnation and criticism "doesn't lead them to making lasting changes" AND "they will likely justify themselves" (not own up to it) and they will "condemn us in return." 

It seems so obvious and even in line with Gods truth. "Do everything without grumbling or complaining" to name one verse. There are tons more. So why do I continue to lack discipline with my words and tongue? I guess it is something I am finally ready to allow God to heal and work on. Add it to the long list since 2011. 

I am grateful to become more aware and burdened by this sin and struggle of mine. I prefer to speak love and kindness, though I don't as a habit. It is a choice and can be corrected. If you have been a victim of my negativity or "spewing" over the years, then I am terribly sorry. I hope you will forgive me. For your sake. My heart longs to speak life and love. My habits contradict this longing. May God transform my heart, since "out of the overflow of he heart the mouth speaks."
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James 3:10 (NASB)

¹⁰ from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

My Marriage

There are life lessons that I have had to learn as a near 40 year old that honestly I wish I would have learned as a young teen/adult. As a Christ follower, God calls me, through a personal walk with Him and the Holy Spirit, to love, serve, forgive, discipline, and more unconditionally - as He does for me. My flesh battles against selfishness, fear, pride, shame, lust, anger, bitterness, etc, but God is always leading me to Himself, His truth, His love, and the fruit of His Spirit.

You always hear people say that "if mama ain't happy then no body's happy." I get that. But, according to Scripture, I as the husband have been given the role of leader of my home. I believe I set the tone for the home. If I am checked out, harsh, impatient, defensive, negative, etc, then I believe it will set the tone for the home in a negative way. If I am leading well, humble, confident, loving, and active in my home, then I believe it will change the tone of the home as well - for the good. For a majority of our marriage, I didn't quite grasp this concept. It finally hit me like a ton of bricks this summer. Now, I realize it more and more and want to take seriously my influence on the spiritual and emotional climate of my home. It's a daily struggle to undo so many years of neglect, but I am seeing it grow gradually.

Two weeks ago I started feeling disconnected from Amy, angry, lonely, and those feelings sucked the life out of my joy and peace - and hers. It was not a good place. I hated feeling that way. Amy hated me feeling that way because of how I was treating her. We didn't argue, but there was a distance and tension that had not been present in a long time.

It was the first time in nearly three years that I had felt such tension toward her emotionally and mentally. Sadly, we spent YEARS prior to 2011 with me feeling and acting that way. I am not sure how we made it. Better yet, I am not sure how she made it with me being so difficult, defensive, negative, hateful, selfish, unloving, and deeply insecure.

After two very long weeks, Amy and I talked candidly last Thursday. She got out her feelings, though I was still not having fond thoughts. I was glad to hear her open up, though. It made me think through some things and let go of my pride and fear. Over the weekend she and I talked again. On Saturday, I talked to a Christian brother and verbally let out my struggle very transparently. On Monday, I met with my pastor and another brother and talked very transparently yet again. I was determined to get this stuff out and find some peace and clarity. I am happy to say that the anger has left me, and I feel very close to Amy again. What a blessing! I was getting fearful that we were not going to be able to turn it around.

Opening up to Amy and other Christian brothers was something I neglected to do prior to 2011. I am grateful for people in my life that are willing to walk with me through this journey. I am thankful Amy has stuck with me, and we are growing despite the "earthquake" of 2011, that still has some aftershocks.

We are not out of the "woods" yet, but we got some hope and peace back this week. We have survived yet another "funk" that felt very dim and dark and uncertain. God is good. He is faithful to answer prayers. He is very gracious. I could not make it without the Lord's loving presence and guidance.

I want to love and lead my wife and family, even during the "funks." But, I keep getting reminded that when Amy and I feel close and connected and fond of one another, there isn't much in life that we will face that we can't boldly attack and survive. When I feel her delight and I delight in her, then I feel like a million bucks. Fear decreases. Peace increases. Confidence goes up. Joy is more present. Focus and purpose becomes clearer.

Amy blogged twice in the past week, which is a good indication of God's work in her. It's a great post from yesterday that made me smile and reminisce with joy and gladness. God is the hero of our story. For that, I am forever grateful and never want to forget that.Check it out - Enjoying God's Goodness.

If you are struggling and feel like you are in the middle of a valley, then press on. He is with you. He will never forsake you, even if you feel as if He has. Hold on to truth and faith. Plead with Him to give you a glimmer of hope. Seek Him with your whole heart and mind and soul. He will be found. He wants you to find Him and see Him and delight in Him. He's not holding out on you.

"Integrity is what you do when no one is watching. It is also doing the thing you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you." Jeff Olson, The Slight Edge

It's time to take action

I got this in my email inbox this morning. What a great follow up to yesterday's post. God is really affirming that which I need to hear and apply. I may forget this powerful truth tomorrow, so as Zig Ziglar said...

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing- that's why we recommend it daily." 

July 21, 2014

Action vs. Self-Delusion

by Jim Rohn

Knowledge fueled by emotion equals action. Action is the ingredient that ensures results. Only action can cause reaction. Further, only positive action can cause positive reaction. Action. The whole world loves to watch those who make things happen, and it rewards them for causing waves of productive enterprise.

I stress this because today I see many people who are really sold on affirmations. And yet there is a famous saying that, “Faith without action serves no useful purpose.” How true! I have nothing against affirmations as a tool to create action. Repeated to reinforce a disciplined plan, affirmations can help create wonderful results. But there is also a very thin line between faith and folly. You see, affirmations without action can be the beginnings of self-delusion, and for your well-being there is little worse than self-delusion. The man who dreams of wealth and yet walks daily toward certain financial disaster and the woman who wishes for happiness and yet thinks thoughts and commits acts that lead her toward certain despair are both victims of the false hope which affirmations without action can manufacture. Why? Because words soothe and, like a narcotic, they lull us into a state of complacency. Remember this: To make progress you must actually get started. The key is to take a step today. Whatever the project, start TODAY. Start clearing out a drawer of your newly organized desk… today. Start setting your first goal… today. Start listening to motivational cassettes… today. Start a sensible weight-reduction plan… today. Start calling on one tough customer a day… today. Start putting money in your new "investment for fortune" account… today. Write a long-overdue letter… today. Anyone can! Even an uninspired person can start reading inspiring books. Get some momentum going on your new commitment for the good life. See how many activities you can pile on your new commitment to the better life. Go all out! Break away from the downward pull of gravity. Start your thrusters going. Prove to yourself that the waiting is over and the hoping is past—that faith and action have now taken charge. It's a new day, a new beginning for your new life. With discipline you will be amazed at how much progress you'll be able to make. What have you got to lose except the guilt and fear of the past? Now, I offer you this challenge: See how many things you can start and continue in this—the first day of your new beginning.

"Lead Me with Strong Hands"

For the past two months, I have been wrestling with some pretty major battles internally. God has been showing me parts of my heart that still need His healing touch. It brought to surface deep insecurities that led me to a crossroad. I was either going submit to God and let Him lead me out of the darkness and into His light and freedom OR I was going to give in to fear, shame, doubt, and weakness (yet again).  The second option is not an option anymore.

For most of my life, I have not felt strong, adequate, confident, or able to do what it takes to succeed - at least for the most part. I have areas of confidence, but not full confidence. I have submitted to this mindset for far too long. Amy is weary of it, and so am I. This summer, I believe God has said, "Enough. Let's walk out of that bondage and start living, really living." I am excited and scared to death. As they say, "there is no courage without fear."

I want desperately to lead Amy and my family. I want to be strong, confident, daring, bold yet humble, assertive, and barrel through any resistance from the evil one, whether I feel like it or not. I do it with writing and running. Why not as a leader of my home, with money, or with career? That's my "million dollar question." When (not if) I get clarity on that question, then my life will look very different - for the good.

For the past three years, I have worked diligently to retrain my mind and heart to think and believe differently. I have hit walls and faced some struggles and frustrations. I have not followed through with some key decisions. This summer, I have been overwhelmed and a bit frustrated with my lack of drive and determination. It's time to stop that non sense. It's time to take action. I am ready to stop simply talking about overcoming my fears. It's time to actually face them and overcome them. My feelings have led me to give in to doubt and fear. It's time to live in faith, truth, boldness, and confidence in the Lord.

If I don't keep reminding myself of this and letting others remind me, then I will become a weaker and weaker man who doesn't keep his word. That's not acceptable. I hate that I have put Amy in the position of having to take up the slack for my failures and struggle to provide and lead our family. I hate that I haven't been a great example to my three children who need to see a strong (yet humble) man and follower of Christ who fights for his family daily.

In some ways, I think I deep down wanted Amy to take care of my emotional needs and "baggage." In my lack of confidence as a leader of my home, I looked to her to give me validation when it came to decisions. I let my need and longing for her approval keep me stuck in indecisiveness. I am the one called to lead, alongside her. I have neglected to do that well. I still want her validation, approval, and affection, but on the days she struggles to give it or I struggle to receive it, I  WANT TO LEAD ANYWAY! I've been holding back when I don't feel her love or approval. That's not fair to her. It's sinful and not what God desires. It's immature as a follower of Christ.

God knows my heart and longings. He wants me to fully trust Him, even when my feelings don't line up with what I know to be true. I have confessed this and want to start living free. I am tired of going back into the prison cell of shame, doubt, fear, and inadequacy. I am thankful for the men in my life who are there to encourage me and lift me up. I am thankful that I have opened up to them and let them speak life into me. It's been a huge part of my recovery and healing that has kept me in the fight.

This is a transparent confession that I needed to share. I have been holding back from blogging this part of my journey for the past couple of weeks. I talked to a dear brother in the Lord last night for over an hour, and it was a timely and hugely important conversation. It was exactly what I needed, though before we talked I nearly avoided the conversation all together. I am glad I got to talk to him. It was another evidence of God's grace and mercy through His people.

There is a song that has spoken to me often by Sanctus Real called, "Lead Me." The words are what I treasure and long to do as a husband and father. The video link is below. May God speak to you through it.

Book on Grief and Loss

A new book came out recently by JJ and Melanie Jasper of Tupelo, MS. Five years ago today their 5 year old son Cooper was killed while riding with JJ, his daddy, on a dune buggy on their farm. The couple has written a book about it to help others find hope during their darkest hours of loss. What a powerful story I heard them talk about on the radio today.

Here is the link: http://afastore.net/losing-cooper-simulcast-set.html

Reliance on the Holy Spirit

Over the past two years while counseling, there have been sessions with clients when I felt completely clueless and unsure what to do or say for them. In those moments, instead of panicking, I silently pray and ask the Holy Spirit for help and guidance. Amazingly, my eyes become open to wisdom and insights that I couldn't have obtained on my own.

At home, I have moments when I feel the same way. I often don't know what I should say or not say to Amy, particularly when she is dealing with painful memories of the past that make the present very challenging and frustrating. There are times I think I know what's bothering her, and there are other times when I am clueless but hesitate to ask. In those moments, I don't want to aggravate her more, but I also don't want to withdraw from her. I want to provide comfort and seek understanding. I don't succeed at this as often as I would like.

Just like while counseling, when those moments occur I want to pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance. I have found that when I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me, and she does the same, the outcome is so much better. The Holy Spirit not only comforts us both but also allows each of us to feel a peace and see a perspective that we were missing. God's truth and promises become clearer when the Holy Spirit illuminates them for us.

I wish I could take away the pain from Amy's past and her present struggles with lingering issues that go beyond my betrayal. I never want to stop striving for freedom, complete healing, and allow God to have His way with me and my family. His will is best. His timing is perfect. He is always good and faithful.

Walking through the healing and "interpretation" of what God is up to can be a bit slow and overwhelming, though. Some of our struggles feel a bit "permanent" the longer they go on, but we are praying that's not the case. If Jeremiah 29:11 promises took 70 years for God to bring to fruition, then our years of struggle seem short in comparison.

Amy and I both hope that it doesn't take God 70 years to bring some understanding and healing in areas that seem to have been around for the 17 years of our marriage! But, if He does wait that long OR we never see freedom from those struggles, then we want to still praise and glorify Him. Heaven is our real home anyway. We believe, Lord, help our unbelief.
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John 14:25-27 (NASB)

²⁵ “These things I have spoken to you while abiding with you. ²⁶ But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you. ²⁷ Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

New American Standard Bible (NASB) Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation

Still talking about it?

In six weeks or so, it will have been three years since I called Amy to tell her to come to the counseling office in order to tell her the horrendous news. In some ways, that seems like a lifetime ago. In other ways, it seems so short. The ups and downs have been quite a ride, but God has proven faithful, loving, merciful, and good since the beginning of our journey.

This summer has been an emotionally and spiritually draining yet necessary pruning process. July has been better, and Amy and I both are seeing some of the fog lift. We are beginning to see more of the purposes God has in store for us - though we both know it's a "daily bread" sort of process. There is still much to sort out. We are praying for understanding in various areas of our life, but overall, we are full of gratitude and thankfulness. We continue to walk this path one day at a time. With the love and support of friends, it has been more manageable. Some days, we both feel a bit alone, but that is mostly because we have a lot to sort out privately with each other and the Lord.

We still talk about it with one another and others as it comes up. It's etched into our story, whether we want it to be or not. We want God to be honored despite the pain. We want full healing personally and in our marriage. We can get by without talking about "it" for days, maybe even weeks at a time, but it's still there. The effects are still lingering. BUT, God is the hero of our story, so in some ways we rejoice in talking about because of what all He has done. If we make it about His redeeming work and not just the failure and "ugliness" of it, then it takes on a new meaning.

Our greatest fear

From the book, The Meaning of Marriage, by Timothy Keller. Powerful truth that speaks clearly about the difference between a "fling" and a life-long commitment of love, "warts and all."

...romantic flings are so intoxicating largely because the person is actually in love with a fantasy rather than a real human being...When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved, is well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us...Passion may lead you to make a wedding promise, but then that promise over the years makes the passion richer and deeper.

What a great reminder to stay true to one another, get to know each other deeply, and love for the long-haul, as we both allow God's love to transform us from the inside-out. 

God is not hindered by or insensitive to our pain, suffering, doubts, fears, unbelief, or suffering.

Vows

Disclaimer: I am going to post this, knowing it may be a painful reminder to Amy, and even myself, about my failure to stay true to our wedding vows that I made on May 17, 1997, before her, God, and our friends and family.

This is an exert from the book, The Meaning of Marriage. It's a reminder to hang on to your marriage and vows, despite how tough things may be currently...

Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love. A wedding should not be primarily a celebration of how loving you feel now - that can safely be assumed. Rather, in a wedding you stand up before God, your family, and all the main institutions of society, and you promise to be loving, faithful, and true to the other person in the future, regardless of undulating internal feelings or external circumstances.

Longitudinal studies reveal that two-thirds of unhappy marriages will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced. Two thirds! What can keep marriages together during the rough patches? The vows. A public oath, made to the world, keeps you "tied to the mast" until your mind clears and you begin to understand things better. Its keeps you in the relationship when your feelings flag, and flag they will.

I realize more and more how little I focused on the covenant of my marriage vows and commitment to God and Amy. I was foolish, ignorant, selfish, and cold-hearted. I am grateful that my marriage has survived and somehow is moving closer to how God designed it to be. I pray that Amy and I both continue to grow in our love for Christ and one another, so we can experience fully all God intends for our marriage and family life - not just for ourselves - but for our children, a lost world, and for His Name sake.

Transformation

I have spent a lot of time over the past three years, reading and listening to audios to help me undo much of the faulty thinking I lived by for many years. I need constant reminders since I quickly go back to "familiar" ways of thinking, particularly when I am feeling stressed or inadequate (i.e. helpless, powerless, insecure, not good enough, etc.). Running to God and His truth daily is what I need and is best. It's a process, a journey, a fellowship with the Father that is a slow, deepening, not a quick fix, or "sprint." 

I have to guard against "sprinting" since I can be impatient and/or panic. I can tell when I am rushing God's timing or trying to skip steps because I feel overwhelmed, self-pity, fear, and move toward isolation and withdrawal. Temptations are highest when I feel that way as well - depression, hopelessness, despair, shame, self-hatred, and even sexual temptation. Feelings can lead us astray and reveal our internal beliefs. God's truth never changes or returns "void." I don't want to allow shame to stick around and do as Matt Chandler said in a sermon, "...in our shame we tend to turn to things that cause us shame." Doing that only compounds the shame and problems. It doesn't ease the pain; it magnifies the pain.

Like eating, drinking fluids, filling up our tanks with gas, I need to refill everyday. The longer I go without plugging into Christ and His truth and delighting in Him and Him in me, the worse my thinking becomes. The more I seek information over transformation, the worse I become as well. I don't want to use God for what He can do for me or give me. I want to love Him with no strings attached. That's how He loves me - it's unconditional. He doesn't need anything from me, but He wants to have a relationship with me. He wants my heart. He wants me to trust Him. He loves me even if I don't love Him back. He is faithful, even if I am unfaithful to Him.

Am I impatient? Yes. Do I have trust issues? Yes. Do I want to walk in Christ's freedom and stop giving into unbelief and doubt? YES! Thankfully, God is patient, kind, slow to anger, and isn't threatened by my emotional "roller coaster." He is the "same yesterday, today, and forevermore." He "sees the depths of my heart and loves me the same" as Chris Tomlin sings. That's an amazing love. I believe; help my unbelief. 

In this "Information Age," to grow and mature, I need to let God turn my information into transformation. Otherwise I have a lot of knowledge without heart and life change. 

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Romans 12:1-2 (NASB)

12 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, ^[a]acceptable to God, which is your ^[b]spiritual service of worship. ² And do not be conformed to this ^[c]world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may ^[d]prove what the will of God is, that which is good and ^[e]acceptable and perfect.

"Pain is not your biggest battle."

"Pain is not your biggest battle. If you can beat hopelessness and despair, then you will win the battle." Ransomed Heart Ministries.

Watch this video that addresses this battle we all face. http://andsonsmagazine.com/killing-lions/season-1/killing-lions-5-pain-not-your-biggest-battle#.U7QLLEDySk8

The Idol of Comfort

In my sin and betrayal, I was very uncomfortable (though sadly I remained in it's bondage for years). Sin does that to us. The more sin we live in and submit to, the deeper the pain and damage. I regret giving in to such blatant sin, but I am grateful God brought me out of it and exposed it publicly. I don't believe it would have been sufficient to just have it exposed privately.

Now, this summer and the past three years, I have been very uncomfortable, but for a much bigger reason. God has continually worked on the idols of my heart that need repentance AND the pain in my soul that needs healing. The shame, self-hatred, lust, pride, fear, insecurity (and false security), unbelief, and ignorance in my heart and mind enslaved me. God busted right through it and is doing a work in me that, at times, causes me to feel extremely uncomfortable and even confused.

Why confused? Because I can't see the big picture like He does. I don't fully understand why certain struggles are still in place. All I can see is where I have been, where I am now, and at times, where I would like to be. I am hoping and praying for Him to lead me, especially when I can't see beyond the moment. My desire is to live in the "here and now" to the fullest, so my "tomorrow" will not be full of regrets. It's hard when hopelessness and despair knock on the door of my heart daily. 

In my pain, frustration, stress and fear, I tend to drift toward security and to be comfortable, and/or to find somewhere that I feel adequate. That desire is not the problem unless I misunderstand what the deep, core need is and where to best turn to for relief. The world offers many "solutions" to the pain and discomfort, but none of them deliver the results as promised. They actually leave me feeling empty and more dependent. Only in Christ can I find the living water" that  my soul longs for. When I rest in Christ, my soul is refreshed. When I waiver in unbelief, doubt, and entitlement, and look to the world's false sense of comfort and security, I struggle and never feel satisfied or at peace. I usually walk away beat up, broken, empty, and full of shame and regret.

It's in my discomfort that I usually discover more about myself and Him. It's in my discomfort that I am able to finally cease striving just to "get something" from Him, and start resting in and enjoying Him - He is enough. His "stuff"and blessings are like "gravy on the biscuit." As Ephesians 1 says, He has already given me everything in Christ. To receive it and enjoy Him as the giver is to honor Him.

As hard as it has been for me to experience God's healing work, I am grateful. I must admit that I often pray for relief because Amy and I are weary in many ways regarding certain struggles that have lingered on for 17 years of our married life. Through it all, God is showing us His goodness, His grace, His kindness, and His faithfulness, and our dependence on Him. We want to stay in the fight and not give in to hopelessness or despair. 

Every day I have to ask, "Am I willing to be uncomfortable and surrender all so God can have my heart and His way in me? Is He sufficient, even if He never answers another prayer of mine from this day on? Will I receive His blessings well and use them for good and not for evil?" I hope so. Some days I struggle to confidently say "Yes." I believe, Lord. Bust down the walls of my unbelief, fear, and doubt!

"You can't repent your way out of brokenness. You need healing." John Eldredge, Ransomed Heart Ministries

Comfort and Troubles

I was sent this the other day and wanted to share it. Excellent stuff. 

Life Application Study Bible ® Devotion

Day 283 of 366
Many think that when God comforts us, our troubles should go away. But if that were always so, people would turn to God only out of a desire to be relieved of pain and not out of love for him. We must understand that being comforted can also mean receiving strength, encouragement, and hope to deal with our troubles. The more we suffer, the more comfort God gives us. If you are feeling overwhelmed, allow God to comfort you. Remember that every trial you endure will help you comfort other people who are suffering similar troubles.  __________________________________________________________________
Galatians 1:3-5 NIV
3 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, 4 who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, 5 to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

10 Things Successful People Never Do Again

Success Magazine Article from June 24, 2014

by Dr. Henry Cloud (author of Boundaries, and many more)

We all make mistakes but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.

“Never go back.” What does that mean? From observations of successful people, clinical psychologist and author of Never Go Back: 10 Things You'll Never Do Again (Howard Books, June 2014), Dr. Henry Cloud has discovered certain “awakenings” that people have—in life and in business—that once they have them, they never go back to the old way of doing things. And when that happens, they are never the same. In short, they got it.

“Years ago, a bad business decision of mine led to an interesting discussion with my mentor,” Dr. Cloud says. “I had learned a valuable lesson the hard way, and he reassured me: ‘The good thing is once you learn that lesson, you never go back. You never do it again.’

“I wondered, what are the key awakenings that successful people go through that forever change how they do things, which propel them to succeed in business, relationships, and life? I began to study these awakenings, researching them over the years.”

Although life and business have many lessons to teach us, Dr. Cloud observed 10 “doorways” of learning that high performers go through, never to return again.

Successful people never again…

1. Return to what hasn’t worked. Whether a job, or a broken relationship that was ended for a good reason, we should never go back to the same thing, expecting different results, without something being different.

2. Do anything that requires them to be someone they are not. In everything we do, we have to ask ourselves, “Why am I doing this? Am I suited for it? Does it fit me? Is it sustainable?” If the answer is no to any of these questions, you better have a very good reason to proceed.

3. Try to change another person. When you realize that you cannot force someone into doing something, you give him or her freedom and allow them to experience the consequences. In doing so, you find your own freedom as well.

4. Believe they can please everyone. Once you get that it truly is impossible to please everyone, you begin to live purposefully, trying to please the right people.

5. Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit. Once successful people know they want something that requires a painful, time-limited step, they do not mind the painful step because it gets them to a long-term benefit. Living out this principle is one of the most fundamental differences between successful and unsuccessful people, both personally and professionally.

6. Trust someone or something that appears flawless. It’s natural for us to be drawn to things and people that appear "incredible." We love excellence and should always be looking for it. We should pursue people who are great at what they do, employees who are high performers, dates who are exceptional people, friends who have stellar character, and companies that excel. But when someone or something looks too good to be true, he, she, or it is. The world is imperfect. Period. No one and no thing is without flaw, and if they appear that way, hit pause.

7. Take their eyes off the big picture. We function better emotionally and perform better in our lives when we can see the big picture. For successful people, no one event is ever the whole story. Winners remember that – each and every day.

8. Neglect to do due diligence. No matter how good something looks on the outside, it is only by taking a deeper, diligent, and honest look that we will find out what we truly need to know: the reality that we owe ourselves.

9. Fail to ask why they are where they find themselves. One of the biggest differences between successful people and others is that in love and in life, in relationships and in business, successful people always ask themselves, what part am I playing in this situation? Said another way, they do not see themselves only as victims, even when they are.

10. Forget that their inner life determines their outer success. The good life sometimes has little to do with outside circumstances. We are happy and fulfilled mostly by who we are on the inside. Research validates that. And our internal lives largely contribute to producing many of our external circumstances.

And, the converse is true: people who are still trying to find success in various areas of life can almost always point to one or more of these patterns as a reason they are repeating the same mistakes.

Everyone makes mistakes…even the most successful people out there. But, what achievers do better than others is recognize the patterns that are causing those mistakes and never repeat them again. In short, they learn from pain—their own and the pain of others.

A good thing to remember is this: pain is unavoidable, but repeating the same pain twice, when we could choose to learn and do something different, is certainly avoidable. I like to say, “we don’t need new ways to fail….the old ones are working just fine!” Our task, in business and in life, is to observe what they are, and never go back to doing them again.


For a link to the original article, click this link: SUCCESS