I have counseled numerous men who have betrayed their spouses. Many of them are still married, trying to salvage the damage they caused, while seeking to restore their marriage and personal life. Others are still stuck in defensiveness and blame mode, not willing to humble themselves and do the work of confession, repentance, and reconciliation.
There are a few men I have worked alongside who have not experienced much financial difficulty but are struggling to reconnect with their wives and heal personally/spiritually. Amy and I, on the other hand, have reconnected as a couple and family in ways I can't explain but am forever grateful for. However, I am still trying to undo a lot of the financial damage and loss I caused us when I lost my job, ministry and career.
If I had to choose between being financially stable but unstable in my marriage and less connected or being financially distressed but deeply connected to my wife, then I would choose the latter. I would not give up being closely connected to Amy for financial stability. Never in a million years.
Why not have both, though, or at least pray for it and strive for it? I hate what I have done to my family, on all levels, including the financial. We are not homeless or facing foreclosure or bankruptcy by any means. Things could be worse and things could be better. Therefore, it is my mission to keep building my marriage, my relationship with my kids, my walk with Christ, and my maturity as a man, while at the same time being determined to repair the financial damage I have caused us.
I don't want to lose sight of the huge blessings we have experienced in this journey. I want to take full responsibility for my sin and walk through it as long as it takes, whatever it takes. Admittedly, it is challenging some days to face the lingering effects of my consequences. I want things to move more quickly, but God's timing is better, best, and purposeful. He is pruning me, preparing me, and preparing us for something. I don't know what and when, but I am trusting His ways, His plans and His heart.
____________________________________________________
Proverbs 16:9, New International Version (NIV)
9 In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps.
No comments:
Post a Comment