A "break" from the roller coaster

My hands are numb this morning as I type. Just finished running 6 miles. It's a chilly morning but perfect for running. Without gloves, it takes my hands a while to "thaw out." The past week has had some nice weather. Fall feeling, finally. What a blessing. Hopefully it will stay, but we are in Mississippi. It could possibly get back to 90 degrees by next week. Let's hope not.

I am very thankful this morning. For the past few days I have not felt the emotional "funk" and despair that hit me regularly every morning between 4 am and 7 am. It's as if the roller coaster ride is temporarily on hold. That is HUGE to me. I am grateful because for a couple of weeks, I couldn't seem to shake it. It was getting to be very concerning.

Reading One Thousand Gifts changed my focus. I believe it turned things around for me emotionally and mentally. It challenged me to stop focusing so much on my circumstances, and desperately pursue thankfulness (eucharisteo) "in all things." I came to realize my ungratefulness toward God; how I had questioned His goodness; how I was focusing on the wrong things. Very troubling, since He has been so good to us; in many ways, "too good."

Gratitude and thankfulness, even during times of struggle and difficulty, takes practice; intentionality; focus; and purpose. Paul in Philippians said that he has "learned to be content." That's good that it is a learn able skill. I need to "practice" and "learn." I stink at it most days.

Voskamp discusses naming gifts, "one by one" as the old hymn says. She says naming each gift and recognizing it is from God, makes "the invisible become visible." How true is that? We often see what we are looking for - am I looking for God's presence and "presents" (i.e. gifts, blessings, answers to prayers) or am I looking for reasons to fear, to question, to doubt, to worry? My emotional funk for those few weeks answers that question clearly.

Two quotes come to mind this morning:

"The worst thing that can happen is to become successful before you are ready."

"Life changing gratitude does not fasten to a life unless nailed through with one very specific nail at a time." Voskamp

Also, a Bible verse that hits home as well is Luke 16:10 (NASB)

¹⁰ “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.

What a privilege it is to be disciplined by God. Oh, that I would be teachable and allow Him to, fully.

I want to...

• Live a  life of gratitude and take nothing for granted
• Delight in Him and stand in awe of Him
• Let His will and ways be my pursuit and passion
• Learn contentment, thankfulness, gratitude - "in all things"
• Trust He is good; always
• Share His message of hope through my words, actions and life

I don't know how long I will get a break from my emotional roller coaster, but my perspective is much clearer when I am specific in naming and receiving the gifts God has given. After what I have done through my sin and past, to be able to experience such grace, love, mercy, forgiveness, redemption, and healing is truly a miracle and testimony of who God is. "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me...Twas blind but now I see."