Worship During Trials

Yesterday morning and Tuesday evening I had an emotional heaviness that overwhelmed me with despair. It came upon me suddenly, and thankfully it left fairly quickly too. Having a desire to provide for my family (yet feeling like a failure at that moment), combined with the desire to find my identity fully in Christ and allow Him to lead me, caused me turmoil. I was tempted to give in to doubt, fear, and hopelessness and isolate myself from others. Thankfully that didn't happen, and I was able to see God answer prayers that pulled me out of that pit. What a blessing. What a Savior and Heavenly Father He is!

I shared with my friend Todd yesterday, that when I face trials and situations that seem too difficult or hopeless, my hope and prayer is that respond something like this, "Lord, I don't understand what's going on and it seems impossible or too big for me, but I trust You and can't wait to see how you get me through this one! I can't wait to see what You do next!"

It's about perspective and trust. I want my identity and delight in Jesus to be so real, deep, and full that trials, though they are painful and hard, lead me closer to Him instead of toward despair and hopelessness. I want to acknowledge the pain and difficulties I am having through "prayer and petition" (and sometimes by begging and groaning, see Psalm 55:16-18), yet quickly express joy and excitement over what He's up to and for who He is, through worship and praise.

As Hebrews 11:6 says, "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." 

I want so desperately to get to this place in my walk with Christ. It's a journey and process worth pursuing, and I get to do it with a wife who is doing the same thing. I have seen her grow so much, even over the past few weeks. She is expressing excitement, joy, and anticipation about what God is up to, daily. She is seeking HIS will and timing, and surrendering hers to Him. What a blessing it is to have a wife like Amy. We are getting to walk through this life together and experience God's delight and grace - despite the odds that were against us. 

Amy is reading a book that has impacted her in a big way. It is called One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. I hope to read it soon because I have seen the impact it has had on her. Living a life of gratitude, contentment and joy, despite difficult circumstances, breaks through despair, hopelessness, and even selfishness and greed. It allows us to experience Christ more fully and live beyond ourselves. Based on Scripture, that is God's desire and hope for us all.