Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Drinking the Poison of Adultery

When living in sin, it’s common to get tunnel vision and amnesia. “Tunnel vision” meaning you spend lots of time and energy only focusing on the aspects of the sin that keep it going, justify it, rationalize it, etc. For example, I didn’t focus on the consequences of my choices, at least not for long. Remember, I was Christ-follower. I knew better. I knew I was WRONG and living in major sin. I knew the Lord and what it was like to experience His love and salvation. I also knew that I was very immature in my faith, despite the fact I had been a believer for nearly 12 years. 

During those “dark” years, I had a great job, some minor money problems and stress, but many “blessings” in my life. In my right state of mind, hopefully I would not have done what I did through adultery that could have cost me everything and ended up hurting my wife so badly. The risks were high, and some of these I have experienced, while others I thankfully have not:
·         Financial ruin
·         Lost job/career
·         Lost trust/respect
·         Loss of my marriage and relationship with my children
·         Loss of friendships
·         Dishonoring God’s name
·         Causing unbelievers and those young in the faith to stumble
·         Serious fines
·         And much more!

              All of these things were possible and highly likely to occur – at some point – whether sooner or later. The truth always comes out; in some way or another; guaranteed. However, my “tunnel vision” (i.e. pride, fear, self-hatred, sinful nature, selfishness, etc.) kept me distracted and enmeshed in my sinful state of mind. I guess I secretly thought (or hoped) my adultery would never be found out. Or, I foolishly thought I could walk away from it without telling anyone. I spent tons of hours and energy trying to keep the “cancerous” effects of it to a minimum. It was a train wreck waiting to happen. 

               When you have “amnesia” (figuratively speaking), you tend to “forget” (i.e. minimize) how important the people in your life really are to you; that is until you lose them, or nearly do. As I said in a previous chapter, when you “emotionally divorce” yourself from your loved ones, it can lead to hurting them in ways that cut deep to their soul.  You stop thinking about the love you have for them (or used to feel toward them) and how precious they are to you (or used to feel to you). You don’t think about the damage that can occur to them that could derail their faith and emotional stability. You don’t think about a lot of things that could penetrate your heart and soul. Numbing the pain, avoiding the pain, and running from the pain can temporarily enable you to cope, or at least “get by.” I was drinking poison, dying a slow death, but I was so consumed by my sin, that I didn't even realize the depth of it. Or, I was stuck so deep, that I didn’t know how to stop or get out.
In my bitter, sinful, negative, selfish mindset, I focused more on what I didn’t have. I focused on: the anger I felt toward my wife who wasn’t meeting my needs like I thought she should; feelings of hopelessness about my marriage (or finances, career, etc.); failed dreams; the pain I felt from life’s disappointments; my low self-image; the “ruts” of life; fear of the consequences; and my selfish wants and perceived “needs” (rather than other’s needs/wants). I undermined the power of God and overestimated my inability to change my situation.
Thank the Lord, that life is over. I never want to go back into that bondage. It's not worth the high price; ever. 
Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. Zig Ziglar 
Romans 6:20-23 (NASB)
20 For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. 21 Therefore what benefit were you then deriving from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the outcome of those things is death. 22 But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life.

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