When you have “amnesia” (figuratively speaking), you tend to “forget” (i.e. minimize) how important the people in your life really are to you; that is until you lose them, or nearly do. As I said in a previous chapter, when you “emotionally divorce” yourself from your loved ones, it can lead to hurting them in ways that cut deep to their soul. You stop thinking about the love you have for them (or used to feel toward them) and how precious they are to you (or used to feel to you). You don’t think about the damage that can occur to them that could derail their faith and emotional stability. You don’t think about a lot of things that could penetrate your heart and soul. Numbing the pain, avoiding the pain, and running from the pain can temporarily enable you to cope, or at least “get by.” I was drinking poison, dying a slow death, but I was so consumed by my sin, that I didn't even realize the depth of it. Or, I was stuck so deep, that I didn’t know how to stop or get out.
In my bitter, sinful, negative, selfish mindset, I focused more on what I didn’t have. I focused on: the anger I felt toward my wife who wasn’t meeting my needs like I thought she should; feelings of hopelessness about my marriage (or finances, career, etc.); failed dreams; the pain I felt from life’s disappointments; my low self-image; the “ruts” of life; fear of the consequences; and my selfish wants and perceived “needs” (rather than other’s needs/wants). I undermined the power of God and overestimated my inability to change my situation.
20 For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. 21 Therefore what benefit were you then deriving from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the outcome of those things is death. 22 But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life.