Friday, June 28, 2013

10 Questions for Accountability and Sexual Purity for Ministers and Men

Before I got hired on staff at a church a few years ago, I wish I would have been asked various questions regarding my sexual purity and accountability. I wish I would have had the integrity and courage to NOT apply for a ministerial position AND/OR confess these issues voluntarily. I have had to work through my own regrets for not being forthright with that information. I wish I didn't even have these issues to work through and recover from!

Being asked a series of questions (see below) would have helped address some major issues that I was not sharing. It could have prevented some serious "moral failure" on my part, assuming I answered them truthfully and openly. I imagine many churches don't feel compelled to ask intense questions about sexual purity, or they aren't comfortable doing so. Sadly, in our culture, the church is going to have to grow in it's ability to deal with sexuality, sexual sin and sexual purity in a more open, God-honoring way.

Preventative measures also need to start with pre-teens and teenagers, since they are the ones who are "desensitizing" themselves to divorce and adultery with their sexual activity. At very early ages I might add. Scary stuff.

With the growing problem of moral failure and sexual sin among Christian men (and women) and ministers, I wanted to make a list of 10 questions to help ministers and men. In my opinion, ministers need to be asked these types of questions BEFORE being hired AND as part of ongoing accountability and sexual purity (i.e. moral failure prevention).

These questions are raw and very difficult to answer for many I imagine.They are questions that will hopefully lead to honest discussion and point out potential concerns with a staff member or applicant. There are other questions you may want to add to the list or take away from this one. I pray that God uses these questions and blog in some way to make a positive difference among men and churches.

10 Interview/Accountability Questions
For Ministers (and Men)Regarding Sexual Purity

1. How many sexual partners have you had in your lifetime, including your current spouse? Please give us an overview of your sexual history, without graphic details.

2. When, if ever, were you exposed to pornography? age/type/location/etc.

3. What is your pornography usage over the past 5 years? internet, magazines, etc.

     Choose one:  Never             Rarely             Occasionally               Regularly             Daily

4. Have you ever been to a strip club of any kind? If so, when, why, where, how often, etc.  

5. How many people in your family of origin (parents, spouse, grandparents, siblings, etc) have had an extramarital affair(s)?

6. How do you guard against sexual sin (thoughts and actions)? What boundaries do you have in place to ensure you minimize temptation and prevent sexual sin?

7. Describe your relationship with the following people: Spouse, Mother, Father, Step Parent(s), and Sibling(s). If any of them are deceased, then describe what your relationship was like prior to his/her death.

8. What “fruit” do you have that reflects a growing relationship with Christ? What areas of your life still need maturing/sanctification? Be honest and specific.

9. If your sexual thoughts over the past week, month, or year were played live for others to see, then how would you feel?   Ashamed      Anxious         Terrified            Depressed        Confident        Embarrassed      Disappointed       Annoyed      Angry      Other: _________________

10. Have you ever cheated on your wife (emotionally, physically, etc)?  If yes, then what steps have you taken for reconciliation and healing? Please explain. 

 Can be used with permission.

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