Wednesday, June 19, 2013
She can still describe the entire process verbatim and LOVED this daddy-daughter date night. That makes me smile no doubt.
One thing I have done as part of my recovery is look back at family photos during those "dark" years of my betrayal. I was physically present a lot of times with Amy and the kids, but I was emotionally distant and "checked out."
It really breaks my heart to think about all of the times I took for granted and missed out on loving my family, being faithful to Amy, and living out the life God desired for me.
This picture with Claire is a reminder of what kind of dad and husband I want to be. I want to lead my family as God leads me. I couldn't and wouldn't do that before all of my "junk" got exposed. Now, with things out and God continuing to restore me and my family, He is making it possible for me to get healing and become more whole. It will benefit Amy and our children for sure.
It humbles me to see this picture. It is a reminder of God's faithfulness and mercy. I deserved to be divorced, alone, and rarely get to see Amy and the kids. Though many consequences have occurred (and still occur), I am extremely grateful that God has seen fit to keep my family together and help us heal properly.
I don't want to be a "remorseful adulterer" who stays faithful for a few years and then blows it again. I want to stay in this recovery process for the long haul. It is a daily choice to surrender my will and ways to God and allow Him to work in and through me. I can't do it alone or on my own strength. I have proven that by my betrayal.
Pray for us to abide in Christ and let Him continue to do His work in and through us. Spiritual warfare is real. Sin is devastating. But thankfully our victory is in Christ.