Consequences Are an Act of Grace?

It has been a tough week here at our home. Though we are two years into our recovery and have seen amazing acts of God, we still get hit with emotional and spiritual "heaviness." We can get bogged down and distracted by our circumstances. When that happens, we have to pray desperately for God to help us trust Him, and not give in to despair.

In May 2012, I mailed a letter to my licensing board reporting my immoral and unethical behavior as a marriage and family therapist. I didn't want to lose my license, but I was willing to; and expected to quite frankly. I received a letter from them Thursday stating my "charges" and violations. It was tough to read for sure. Seeing my "sins" on paper made it very real and official. Not that it hasn't been prior to now, but having a licensing board meet to discuss it, and then type it up on paper to give to me took it to a higher level.

I have two weeks to decide if I am going to work with them in order to be restored, or give up my license forever. In my mind, the choice is clear: work the process of restoration. I deserve to lose my license and never get to counsel again. They did not tell me I can't. That's an act of grace. Their willingness to work with me is a big deal. I am thankful for it. It won't be easy, but this isn't about easy, or fair. I deserve to be divorced, alone, broke, hopeless, and dead. The wages of sin is "death," but the gift of God is eternal life, mercy, grace, forgiveness. That puts things in perspective.

The realization of my sin is a necessary part of my growth and recovery. God disciplines those He loves. I have felt His discipline, therefore I have received His love. It doesn't always feel loving, but it is. I want to allow Him to transform me from the inside-out, and not waste His grace or discipline. I want to be teachable and become better.

We are still praying for God to show us clearly His will and plan regarding healing, career, our family, etc. It would be nice if some of the slowness of the process would ease up, but in reality it's only been two years. That's not very long in the grand scheme of things. It's hard not to look back over the last 17 years of our marriage, though, and wish certain struggles would finally end. We are needing God's grace and provision and strength. We are feeling weak and weary, but not hopeless. His grace is sufficient. That's our hope.

Proverbs 3:11-12 (NIV)

¹¹ My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not resent his rebuke,
¹² because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
    as a father the son he delights in.^[b]