Just Throw Strikes

As a family, we love spending time on the baseball field. We are much more balanced about it since moving to North MS, but it's still a love of ours. A phrase Amy and I have come to laugh about is what coaches and parents tell their child who is pitching. If their child or player is having trouble on the mound, some may say, "Just throw strikes." It sounds encouraging and is a simple statement meant to get them back on track. It's kind of funny, though, if you think about it.

"Just throw strikes" assumes a lot of things. One, the pitcher has put in a lot of work and is capable of throwing strikes. Two, at the moment he has been told that, it means he has temporarily lost focus and needs to refocus. Maybe the crowd is extra loud or he's getting down on himself and throwing a lot of balls, walking batters. "Just throw strikes" is meant to calm him down and turn things around for him, and the team.

What about in relationships? Would this "just throw strikes" type of statement work? Say your marriage is on the rocks and struggling. You tell a friend about it and he/she says, "Just throw strikes." Of course, he wouldn't say that statement, but he may give some simplistic answers to your problem, such as "Go to counseling." "Go on more dates." "Spend more time together." "Get away for the weekend."

All of these things would make a difference if done on a regular basis, and you both wanted to do them and were willing to get the help needed to work through it all. However, if things are terribly off in your relationship, doing the simple things may be quite challenging. Therefore, to "just throw strikes" won't happen automatically. It may take something deeper, bigger.

To me, there has to be some significant "spiritual" change that takes place. It starts with my heart. If my "want to" is lacking, then I need God to change my heart; to change my "want to." If I don't want to love my wife, spend time with my children, be faithful, do the hard work of recovery, etc, then I need God to change my heart and my "want to." If my spouse doesn't want to do all of those things, then I need to pray for God to change her "want to."

Until that happens, then I have hard choices to make. If my spouse is not doing the things he or she is supposed to do, then I need to pray for the courage to confront it lovingly, honestly and in a God honoring way. Stuffing it and either pretending it isn't a problem or doing things to hurt them, either actively or passively, isn't the right approach. You can set loving, healthy boundaries while showing them love and care at the same time. Pray for wisdom to know how, while seeking Godly counsel.

Also, it is hard to know IF God will change your heart or your spouse's heart and "want to." Expect it though. Seek Him daily. Fall on your face before God daily, asking Him to heal you and your spouse. However, start with you. Ask Him to first change you. "Change starts with me." I must change first and stop trying to change all of my circumstances or other people. When I change for the better and God works in and through me, then my ability to influence others increases.

Pray for the courage to do what God has called you to do, REGARDLESS of your spouse's actions. Don't make your faithfulness and obedient to God contingent on other people's actions or your circumstances. Don't fall into the trap that says, "When things improve, then I will do my part." Or, "when he shows me love, then I will respect him."

I am grateful that God has changed my "want to." It took a major fall out for Him to do so, unfortunately. Prior to August 26, 2011, I refused to let Him do His work in me and fell into deep sin. I hope that isn't the case for others, but sadly, it may take something HUGE to wake some people up spiritually. Crisis has a way of turning us either to God and each other, or further way.

So how do you "just throw strikes" in life? 

• Surrender to a loving, Father who will transform you from the inside out. Give up your will, your way, and trust Him/His ways. 
• Ask God to first change you. "Change starts with me." 
• Pray without stopping. It's your "spiritual oxygen." 
• Do what God has called you to do, regardless of your circumstances or what others choose to do. "My response is my responsibility." 
• Get help. Don't go solo. Seek counseling. Read. Study scripture. Have a mentor/accountability partner. Be transparent and honest with yourself and others. Stop pretending. 
• See it as a process, a journey. It isn't about a quick fix or quick relief. It's about walking through the pain, persevering and letting God prune you and heal you. In His time. In His ways. With His strength, and joy. 

It's really that simple. "Just throw strikes." (not really but it sounds funny, or not :))

Isaiah 40:38-31 (NASB)

²⁸ Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
³⁰ Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
³¹ Yet those who ^[aa]wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will ^[ab]mount up with ^[ac]wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

Recovery is Not Just About Recovery

As a follower of Christ, I believe that Christianity is not just "going to Heaven when you die." If that were the case, then when I got "saved" and got my "ticket" or "fire insurance," then it is about hanging on until I die. That could be 70 or more years! Surely there's more to following Christ than that! Of course it is.

Heaven is not just about Heaven. If we see Heaven as a nice paradise, with streets of gold and no more suffering, then we minimize it. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to be there. It's going to be amazing! But the one thing about Heaven that makes it Heaven is Jesus. If we aren't going to Heaven for Him, then we've missed the boat.

Jesus is the purpose of Christianity and Heaven. He didn't humble Himself to be a man, live the perfect, sinless life on Earth, suffer immensely, die, get buried, and raise to life again just so we could go to Heaven. Heaven is the "gravy on the biscuit." He did all that to redeem us, restore us, and take us to His Father's feet to be loved, transformed, and given new life - now and forevermore.

He saved us "from" death (sin) and into life (His life). He came to not only show us the Way, but is the Way. He did everything we needed and couldn't do on our own to be with Him - in an unhindered, fully free relationship. Heaven is the final destination where we get to be with Him, forever. We will finally get to see Him face to face and worship Him as He truly is. Yea baby!

Jesus told His disciples before He left that He was leaving to prepare a place for them (Heaven), but the key point to me is the last part of verse 3. 

John 14:1-3 (NIV) - Jesus Comforts His Disciples

14 Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God^[a]; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

They key statement Jesus said is, "...that you may also be where I am." He was going to prepare a place for us so that we could be with Him. If Jesus isn't there, then Heaven isn't quite the same. Do we love Him more than Heaven? Did we become a Christian "just to avoid Hell," or was it out of love for Jesus? That's a question worth pondering. The one thing I know for sure is that He will never leave us or forsake us. That's a promise.

How does all this relate to recovery? Well, recovery isn't just about recovery either. It's about a relationship. One, with Jesus. Two, with Amy and family. And, with others. If I had tried to do my recovery "to keep Amy happy" or "to avoid conflict" or "to do the right thing," then that's not terrible but in many ways it would have been the wrong approach. As I stated in an earlier post, true repentance (or not) will become evident over time. If I had been doing recovery for the wrong reasons, then it would have become evident. Anyone can "fake it" for a season.

For me, falling on my face in shame and sin started my healing process. I had to throw in the towel and let God start doing His work in me. I never once wanted to be without my family, though I didn't know if they would stay or not. However, I didn't want to do my recovery just to get them to stay. It was deeper than that.

In my opinion, recovery is about daily surrendering my will to God's. It is about tasting to see that the Lord is good and believing that nothing in this world can compare to Him. It is about letting Him "slay me," sift me, clean me up, transform me, and fill me with His life, love, and Holy Spirit. It is about a love relationship with Jesus that surpasses all things. As a result, I am then able to better love myself, my children, my wife and do my recovery well, and as they deserve and need.

I hope this is making sense. I believe that my recovery is a life-long process of healing. I want God to heal me fully. Over the past two years, there have been some very rough days, personally, spiritually, relationally and emotionally. Did that mean my recovery wasn't going well? Not necessarily. In many ways, it was the result of my recovery; letting God cut away the junk.

God can and will hopefully continue to do something good with our situation. It's etched in our story, and we want Him to continue to be honored and be the hero. We don't know what all is to come, but our daily pursuit is Him. I know I can't do recovery apart from Christ. I know what level of sin I am capable of committing. I also know that adultery is NEVER worth it.

To conclude, I am not a Christian "just so I can go to Heaven." I am looking forward to Heaven, but mostly because Jesus is there. I also am not doing recovery "just to do the right thing." I want full restoration and healing, from the inside-out. I want to walk in the freedom that Christ sacrificed to provide for me. I don't want to spit in His face any longer by choosing sin over Him. I want to become the man that He intended for me to be.

Hebrews 7:23-25 (NIV)

²³ Now there have been many of those priests, since death prevented them from continuing in office; ²⁴ but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. ²⁵ Therefore he is able to save completely^[c] those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

Slow Down

Since August, I have found myself getting in a rush and trying to "juggle" many different things at one time. We are trying to make some minor updates to the house, such as painting, etc. Fall baseball has started, and I am helping assist with Collin's team. TOT has lots of great things happening. We are home schooling, so I am trying to be available to help with that. I am counseling and trying to build up my practice. We are building our Advocare business, striving to be "difference makers" in our community. Not to mention me trying to remain active as a husband, dad, friend, and follower of Christ.

It's a lot to write, much less manage daily. This week I have let myself get a bit overwhelmed by it all. I am reminded this morning to do something very important - slow down. Slowing down is so important, yet at times is something I struggle to do. However, when I do it and learn to enjoy the "process of life," things turn out better.

Someone once said that "Jesus was busy but not rushed." That's stuck with me for years. I like that balance. Jesus was very relational and determined to fulfill God's purposes. However, He didn't get in such a rush that He missed opportunities His Father was placing before Him. He wasn't so "task driven" that He missed the very people He came to save. People, not tasks, were His mission. I have a lot to learn about this example of Jesus'.

A great Bible verse that comes to mind is Psalm 46:10 (NIV):

¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

I want to slow down this week. I want to actively look for where God is at work. I want to listen for Him as He speaks to me. I want to watch for "God moments" and be obedient to sharing a message of hope with others. I want to spend quality time with my children instead of rushing through the day. I want spend time with Amy and enjoy her presence.

I have a lot to learn. I know this and am grateful that the Lord is patient and sees sanctification and maturing as a process, a journey. As our good friends say, "People are more important than things." So true and a much needed reminder today.   

Learning Through Suffering

This is a picture of one of my boy's t-shirt. It is a visual reminder of what and who I want to be - "The Real Deal." Jesus was the "real deal." As I let His life transform my life, then I move closer to that reality. I want a lifetime of this truth, not just a "season." I want my walk with Christ TODAY to be strong, vibrant, real, and growing. I don't want to have to look back and remember "the good ole days" of when I was close to God.  

^{Hebrews says that Jesus learned "trusting-obedience" through His suffering.} 

^{Hebrews 5:7-10 (The Message)}

^7-10 While he lived on earth, anticipating death, Jesus cried out in pain and wept in sorrow as he offered up priestly prayers to God. Because he honored God, God answered him. Though he was God’s Son, he learned trusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do. Then, having arrived at the full stature of his maturity and having been announced by God as high priest in the order of Melchizedek, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who believingly obey him.

That's really quite amazing actually and is a biblical truth that we can all apply. No one likes to suffer, but it can produce a faith and maturity in us that nothing else can. Jesus' suffering was different than mine, since His was absent of sin. My suffering was by my own choices of sin and betrayal - BUT - I have learned trusting-obedience for sure. My faith and trust in Christ is still not fully where I want it to be, but I am much further along than I was two years ago.

As I think about surrender and "throwing in the towel," a visual comes to mind. The movie Rocky. Apollo Creed was fighting the Russian and getting beat badly. Rocky was faced with a tough decision - throw in the towel calling off the fight or do as Apollo said and let it continue. Rocky chose to not throw in the towel and Apollo died. Pride got him killed. It isn't much different in our lives either.

When you fall flat on your face as I did, there is no room for pride. I had to "throw in the towel" and surrender. I wasn't surrendering to an enemy, though. I was surrendering to a loving, High Priest who knew what I was going through and fully understood, AND had mercy on me. My sin was AWFUL and caused me great suffering, but Jesus was ready and willing to bring me out of it and into new life in Him. As Corinthians says, that's "foolishness to those who are perishing."

Amy is not my better half

I bet some of you read the title of this post and were surprised and maybe even a bit bothered, though I did reference this in yesterday's post. Well, I haven't lost my mind or sense. I promise. Keep reading. 

When we went to Branson, MO, they walked us through their marriage and relationship principles. They quickly reminded us that Biblical marriage is not about two people coming together as two halves to make one whole. The movie Jerry McGuire promotes a "you complete me" sort of relating but that's not Gods design.

I think two halves don't make a whole, they can make a mess. If I come as a half and you do too, then I need you to fill me and meet all my needs, and vice-versa. As long as we each do that, then all is well. However, when we stop doing that for each other, the relationship can start to fall apart. This sort of relating contributes to a lot of divorces.

Instead, two people, particularly two followers of Christ, need to come together in marriage striving toward wholeness as individuals who relate to each other out of overflow, not deficit. As each of them grow closer to Christ, they are more capable of fulfilling their God given roles as husband and wife. Their personal and relationship growth increases as well as their ability to influence each other. This is what oneness is about, spiritually speaking.

Therefore, Amy is not my better half. She's way more than a half. She's amazing and full of faith in Christ. Her walk with God has enabled her to love, forgive, heal and grow, despite my failures. That's huge! I don't want to belittle her by calling her a half. :)

We are each responsible for growing in relationship to God AND each other. It's a both/and. The more we grow as individuals, spiritually/emotionally/physically/mentally,then the more we have to offer. This has been our pursuit the past two years. I have had to pour out my heart and soul to God and let Him transform me from the inside out. I want to let Him do His sanctifying work in me, daily. It's a lifelong pursuit and process. I'm no where finished yet, but I am excited about where He's leading me.

Therefore, as a husband, I want to help Amy become all that God intended. As my wife, I want her to help me be all that God intended. At the same time, I want to get serious about pursuing Christ and dying to self, letting His life be my passion. I want Amy to do likewise. Then, we want to step back and watch God amaze us - again and again! That's way more romantic than Jerry McGuire.

Ephesians 5:21-33 (NIV)

²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

We will remember

After facing a marriage earthquake like adultery, you never know how things are going to turn out - good or bad. Each situation is different and has huge challenges. It's sad that adultery is so common in our culture, even among Christians. I wish it had not been the path I took, but what God has done is nothing short of a miracle.

Yesterday at church was one of the most worshipful services I have experienced in a while. Being the two year point in our journey, I am sure I was a bit more sensitive and emotional. However, the spirit of God was moving at Hillcrest Baptist Church that morning. It was amazing to be standing next to Amy and celebrating what God has done in our lives.

Tears kept coming for both of us as we sang worship songs with a church full of people. When the song "We will remember" started, the tears really came pouring. Look at the lyrics from part of the song:

We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness

When we walk through life's darkest valleys
We will look back at all You have done
And we will shout, our God is good
And He is the faithful One

These words have been found true for us. We look back and remember that God has carried us through many dark days and is the faithful One for sure.

I continue to be awed by God and how He is working in our lives and the community around us. This morning, I read Amy's blog post from late last night. I was long asleep when she wrote it, but I was amazed once again at her thoughts on our situation. Her faith is real. She is more than my "better half." God is leading her toward a whole, full life, even after such a tragedy. She chose to stay and let God be huge in her life.

I want to share with you a link to her blog. It is very encouraging and is her perspective on faith, recovery, and journey to pursue Christ, no matter what life throws at us. AMY'S BLOG.

If I can attest to anything in this life, then it is this: don't underestimate what God is capable of doing in your life, no matter how hopeless it seems. He is serious about redemption. Let Him.

Psalm 51

Two years ago when I resigned from the church, this Psalm became my prayer. May God continue His work in me and be honored. He is good. 

Psalm 51, The Message (MSG) 

A David Psalm, After He Was Confronted by Nathan About the Affair with Bathsheba

51 ^1-3 Generous in love—God, give grace! Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.
Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry. I know how bad I’ve been; my sins are staring me down.

^4-6 You’re the One I’ve violated, and you’ve seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. I’ve been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. What you’re after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.

^7-15 Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean, scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don’t look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don’t throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I’ll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God; I’ll let loose with your praise.

^16-17 Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.

^18-19 Make Zion the place you delight in, repair Jerusalem’s broken-down walls. Then you’ll get real worship from us, acts of worship small and large, Including all the bulls
    they can heave onto your altar!

The Message (MSG)

Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Truly Repentant?

One question that many betrayed spouses ask is, "How do I know if he/she is truly repentant (changed, sorrowful, etc)?" That's a great question and time often tells whether or not it is real. I am grateful that God has enabled me to stay repentant and work through the process.

The book, Resolution for Men, has a chapter dealing with this issue. I want to share it with you since it offers great Biblical perspective on repentance (pages 189-191).

Repentance is a beautiful, violent assault on sin. It puts Christ back in the driver's seat where He belongs. If you are not careful when dealing with repentance, however, you may only be doing it halfheartedly. Compare the confessions of King Saul (1 Samuel 15:10-35) and King David (2 Samuel 12:7-15; Psalm 51) to discover the vivid difference between false and true repentance. 

• Saul only confessed what was exposed; David confessed completely.

• Saul blamed others for his mistakes; David took responsibility on himself. 

• Saul misunderstood the consequences; David knew he had gotten what he deserved. 

• Saul's regret resulted in disobedience; David's sincerity led to humble service. 

• Saul's life ended in shame and tragedy; David's ended with glory and honor to God.

In the New Testament, we see Judas betray Jesus, and Peter deny Jesus. Yet their responses to these failures were completely different. Judas has a change of mind, while Peter had a change of heart. Judas regretted what he had done and went out and hanged himself. Peter repented from what he had done and lived the rest of his life in passionate obedience to God. 

"Everything necessary." Whatever it takes. 

If you are humbled and broken by your sin, not making excuses or blaming others for what you have done - if you accept the consequences and are not angry with those disciplining you - if you are willing to do whatever it takes to be restored, and if there is long-term change in your thinking and behavior...then your repentance is real. You're back on track. 

But if you confess only so you can feel better and look better - if you are angry about the consequences - if you don't think you'd have done anything differently if you could go back and do it over, and if you make no changes to keep from doing it again in the future, then your repentance is not real. Regret and tears don't mean repentance; change does. 

And to show you mean business, make some bold changes. Be willing to change unhealthy relationships, rearrange your routines, and throw out stumbling blocks. Set up better boundaries. Stronger accountability. Stay in close fellowship with God, who loves you and wants to fill you and lead you. 

This is a great overview that should help you determine if you or someone you love is truly repentant. There's a lot to sort out after betrayal. True repentance and God's grace are two key ingredients to restoration and redemption.

Ephesians 3:20-21 (NASB)

²⁰ Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, ²¹ to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations ^[a]forever and ever. Amen.

Exert from book taken from:
Kendrick,  Stephen and Alex, Resolution for Men, Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing, 2011.

Two years

Well, we made it to another "anniversary." Two years ago I had to call Amy and tell her the awful news of my unfaithfulness. A very sad day it was. Lonely, overwhelming, shameful, uncertain, painful, and life changing.

Over the past two years, God has worked in and through us in more ways than we know or can ever take credit for. So what do the next two+ years entail for us? Hard to know exactly, but here's what we will continue to do:

We will still do our own marriage counseling. Three to four times per year we are committed to seeing our therapist in Ridgeland. We see her for two hour sessions, and it is very helpful. They are usually emotional sessions but help us process things together and stay connected. It is worth it for sure.

We will still tell our story of redemption. Though it can be very humbling and even a bit painful to continually share what we've been through, we know it's God's story of redemption and people need to hear it. We have committed to sharing when able and will use it for good. We want to honor God and give Him the glory.

Recovery is a daily decision. Every day is a new day. I start each day in prayer and preparation. I have to (and want to) continually renew my mind and spend time with Jesus. I want to be transformed from the inside, out. I want to continually set healthy boundaries in relationships. I want to be pure in heart and mind. I want to surround myself with men of character who are mature in their faith. I want to help other men do the same.

We will disciple our children. Our children know something happened two years ago and occasionally ask questions. We can't ignore it. Therefore, we want to gently and lovingly share with them age appropriate information and continually disciple them and guide them toward a healthy sexuality and love relationship with Jesus.

We are fully self employed and want to honor God with our businesses. Career has always been an issue for me, but I am on track finally, at age 38. Took a while, and though I don't know exactly how it's going to all turn out, I am excited about the future. Amy is building a great TOT business and is making a huge impact in the surrounding communities. I am slowly building a counseling practice that will work primarily with men, couples and teenage boys. And together we are building our Advocare business, hoping to help others find freedom with their time, finances, and health. All three are something we can do together. We are excited to see what all God does and want our family to be strengthened as a result of them.

We are grateful for amazing friends and family who have walked with us through this journey. Thank you for your prayers. We cherish them and hope to be a blessing to many others who need hope.

Ephesians 1:15-19, The Message (MSG)

^15-19 That’s why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn’t stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I’d think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!

We are the house

A big part of my recovery process has been to "repent" of so much improper thinking. As a believer in Christ, there are thoughts/beliefs that have no place in my heart and mind. In Christ, there is no shame, condemnation, helplessness, hopelessness, powerless, or inadequacy.

At 38 years old, I wish I was further along in life as a person, in my profession, and as a follower of Christ. However, I am grateful for where I am as opposed to where I could be. Things could have turned out very differently. How blessed I am. I don't want to forget that; ever.

In my growth as a man, I know I am "slow." In some ways that's okay since maturity is often a process over time. However, there are some things that I am slow with that really aren't necessary. I am slowly growing in my comfort with meeting with people face to face and hearing their story, while sharing mine. It is amazing to hear people share their struggles, joys, and triumphs. We all have a story and God is always right there in the middle of it, whether we realize it or not.

I read Hebrew 3 yesterday. Our Bible study at home school this semester is about Jesus. He's the highly exalted Son, seated at the right hand of the Father. He is our hope and salvation. In the first few verses, Jesus and Moses are compared. Jesus is the "builder" and Moses was the faithful servant, and we are the house. Check out the first seven verses:

Hebrews 3 The Message (MSG) -The Centerpiece of All We Believe

3 ^1-6 So, my dear Christian friends, companions in following this call to the heights, take a good hard look at Jesus. He’s the centerpiece of everything we believe, faithful in everything God gave him to do. Moses was also faithful, but Jesus gets far more honor. A builder is more valuable than a building any day. Every house has a builder, but the Builder behind them all is God. Moses did a good job in God’s house, but it was all servant work, getting things ready for what was to come. Christ as Son is in charge of the house.

^6-11 Now, if we can only keep a firm grip on this bold confidence, we’re the house!

Here is an amazing, encouraging truth: "Christ as Son is in charge of the house...we're the house!" God is the builder; Jesus is the overseer of our house - us. He is faithful to all God has for Him and is holding everything together. We, his house, are in His hands. Some "houses" take longer to build. Some have to be remodeled. Some are big, some are small. Each is unique but built and managed by the same One - Jesus.

Jesus has received the fullest, highest honor from His Father. God saw fit to send Jesus to become a man, take on flesh and blood, and do everything necessary to save us and bring us into His life. The least we can do is to believe Him and trust Him enough to obey Him and give our lives to Him. That means our thoughts, actions, emotions, and entire life are in His hands.

Faith in action - living in the joy, freedom and confidence of Jesus, "the center piece of everything we believe, faithful in everything God gave to Him." He's the One who will enable us, free us, guide us, hold us, love us, and fulfill us. Why would we squander that and let sin, evil, fear, doubt, insecurity, and hopelessness have a place in our hearts and minds for more than a few seconds?

Again, I wake up and need to repent of un-Christ-like thinking. It's a daily process of letting Jesus the Builder and Overseer do as he wishes in me/with me - His house. What an honor it is to be called a child of God. May my life grow more and more, and be a mirror that reflects such truth.

Get moving

This morning, I was VERY tired. Long day of painting, ball practice, and then late to bed, early to rise to go to the gym. When I got back, my eyes were very heavy. I could hardly stay awake. I wanted to blog, journal, read, pray, etc, but I was struggling! Then, I decided to get up and finish the touch up painting in the kitchen, hang a shelf, etc.Guess what? I am awake! I got moving and now am more awake. Drinking my Spark soon will help too.

It got me to thinking about life and my journey of pursuing Christ and His will. There are days I get overwhelmed, stuck, filled with doubt and fear. When I do that I start to get "inactive" and frozen by fear. I start to drift toward "ruts" and question what God has called me to. Like this morning, when that happens I need to get moving. Get up, go out there and spread the message, meet with people, pursue opportunities, and tell our story.

The Holy Spirit is the "spark" that makes this all happen. Jesus said the Holy Spirit is with us and will guide us and teach us all that He has in store for us. It will also comfort us, lead us toward repentance, and transform hearts and lives.

This is a great lesson for me to keep applying this morning. I don't want to settle for less than God's best. What about you? Let's go. Get moving. Put our faith into action. Lead us Holy Spirit!!

James 2:14-26 The Message (MSG)

Faith in Action

^14-17 Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, “Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!” and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?

 ¹⁸ I can already hear one of you agreeing by saying, “Sounds good. You take care of the faith department, I’ll handle the works department.” Not so fast. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works. Faith and works, works and faith, fit together hand in glove.

^19-20 Do I hear you professing to believe in the one and only God, but then observe you complacently sitting back as if you had done something wonderful? That’s just great. Demons do that, but what good does it do them? Use your heads! Do you suppose for a minute that you can cut faith and works in two and not end up with a corpse on your hands?

^21-24 Wasn’t our ancestor Abraham “made right with God by works” when he placed his son Isaac on the sacrificial altar? Isn’t it obvious that faith and works are yoked partners, that faith expresses itself in works? That the works are “works of faith”? The full meaning of “believe” in the Scripture sentence, “Abraham believed God and was set right with God,” includes his action. It’s that mesh of believing and acting that got Abraham named “God’s friend.” Is it not evident that a person is made right with God not by a barren faith but by faith fruitful in works?

^25-26 The same with Rahab, the Jericho harlot. Wasn’t her action in hiding God’s spies and helping them escape—that seamless unity of believing and doing—what counted with God? The very moment you separate body and spirit, you end up with a corpse. Separate faith and works and you get the same thing: a corpse.

Great High Priest

Hebrews 4:14-16 (The Message) says:

^14-16 Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

"We don't have a high priest who is out of touch with our reality." That's very good news. In some of my "pity party" moments, I am tempted to question that. Does Jesus really know what I'm feeling?  Has He experienced some of the same emotions I have, such as feelings of failure, inadequacy, fear, doubt, confusion? Hebrews 4 also says, "He...experienced it all - all but the sin." He never once sinned. Many of my thoughts and feelings are the result of sin. Not all, but many of them. Unbelief and fear can trigger all sorts of feelings.

I KNOW that Jesus is fully aware of my struggles and feelings. I KNOW He has been with us from day one. I KNOW He has something in store for us. I KNOW He will never leave us or forsake us. I KNOW He disciplines those He loves. I KNOW many things, but there are moments in my days that I get down. When I take my eyes off Him, then I, like Peter when he walked on water, start to sink.

My goal is to take the feelings, thoughts, experiences, etc. that used to cause me to get discouraged and tempted to give up and use them to MOTIVATE me instead. I want struggles to inspire me to press on, push through, work harder, and resist giving in to fear, unbelief and doubt. For 30+ years I have not done this well. I want the next 30 years to be different, better.

Waves of fear and doubt try to creep in my heart and mind daily, even this morning. I must stop them immediately and run to Jesus, the great High Priest, who is interceding on my behalf. He is able to do that which I cannot. I want His faith, strength, life, and mind/heart.

Open the floodgates of Heaven, Jesus. Rain down.

My amazing wife

It is difficult to think back on the previous years of our marriage when I was so hard to live with. I failed at obeying Christ's call to husbands in Ephesians 5:22-33.

Ephesians 5:22-33 The Message (MSG)

^22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
^25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.
^29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

I want to help Amy feel cherished, protected, led, served, beautiful, holy, and well cared for. I want to sacrifice for her and be willing to die for her daily. I want my children to see a Godly example of what it means to be a husband and father. I want to be a man of integrity, strength, yet humble and compassionate.

A week from day will mark two full years since the "earthquake" of my adultery came out. What a journey it has been. I am grateful and amazed at what God has done and hopefully will continue to do. I have a long way to go, but I am glad that Amy and I are together and doing life as a team.

Her journey can be read about on her blog at www.rogers5online.blogspot.com. Reading it helps me tremendously, and I know it has been an inspiration to many others. 

A $5 bill

There have been many moments over the past two years that humbled me and led me to fall at the feet of Jesus, broken and desperate for His help. One such moment happened the summer/fall we moved here.

I had started working in the family business and only had a few hours on the first paycheck. I was the only one working at the time, since Amy's TOT classes had not started. When I opened my paycheck, it was $93. I freaked out (internally). The piles of expenses we had were not going to get paid with that kind of paycheck.

Our first weekend of baseball was approaching, too. We all went as a family to the ball field that Saturday. The next morning, we were scheduled to play again. The gate fees to get in the ball parks are usually $5 per person. Well, I panicked once again. There was no money. I wasn't even sure how I was going to get in the gate. We decided as a family that I would take Caleb.

I desperately went on the hunt to find $5 for me to get in to the ball park. I frantically looked everywhere. There was no money in the bank, no loose change around the house, nothing. Nada. Zippo. I was spiraling emotionally and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I felt like a failure. I didn't know what to do. It was a miserable feeling; one that I never want to forget OR ever feel again, if possible.

I was running out of time and finally decided to go to the ATM. I went to withdraw a small amount of money and surprisingly it let me. It sent my account into overdraft, which made me feel more like a failure. I loaded up in the car and took my son to the ball field. It was a very low day.

It is interesting that a $5 bill was so hard to find and could trigger such intense feelings of failure and inadequacy. I don't ever want to put my family in that situation again. My sin put my family at risk, though God provided for us in ways we can't fathom.

I decided this morning to put a $5 bill into a frame as a reminder to myself to keep fighting for my family. My reasons for recovery go way beyond money, but that $5 bill is a visual reminder of the situation I put my family in, not just financially but spiritually and emotionally.

By God's grace, we are thriving as a married couple and family. Finances are still tight on many days, but we are pursuing God and trusting Him to lead us and care for us. I know I have a lot of personal growth to occur as a man and spiritual leader of our home. I desperately want Jesus to help me live in the freedom He has bestowed upon me. It is a daily pursuit. I want my past to motivate me to keep getting up, fight against evil, and lead with confidence, knowing Christ is with me.

Romans 8:31-39,The Message (MSG)

^31-39 So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

"Why did dad get fired?"

My 10 year old recently asked Amy (his mom) why I got fired from the church back in 2011. She said to ask me when I got home. He said, "It's been like two years ago, so he probably doesn't remember." I laughed and said, "Well, I am off the hook on that question!" Knowing I am really not.

He hasn't asked me yet, but the harsh reality is that I will have to sit him down face to face and answer it at some point. I dread it. It's one reason adultery is never the answer. The consequences are deep, life long and painful. I regret so badly my sin and past. I know God will get us through this, too, but I pray my children will be able to handle such devastating information.

I am preparing to sit down with him at some point. It won't be easy. I will try to reassure him, comfort him, encourage him and share with him the consequences of sin and God's amazing grace. It may hurt him in ways I may or may not see right away. Hopefully he will talk openly about it with us/me.

Lord, be with him. Help him turn to you and find peace and comfort. Sin sucks like hell.