Truly Repentant?

One question that many betrayed spouses ask is, "How do I know if he/she is truly repentant (changed, sorrowful, etc)?" That's a great question and time often tells whether or not it is real. I am grateful that God has enabled me to stay repentant and work through the process.

The book, Resolution for Men, has a chapter dealing with this issue. I want to share it with you since it offers great Biblical perspective on repentance (pages 189-191).

Repentance is a beautiful, violent assault on sin. It puts Christ back in the driver's seat where He belongs. If you are not careful when dealing with repentance, however, you may only be doing it halfheartedly. Compare the confessions of King Saul (1 Samuel 15:10-35) and King David (2 Samuel 12:7-15; Psalm 51) to discover the vivid difference between false and true repentance. 

• Saul only confessed what was exposed; David confessed completely.

• Saul blamed others for his mistakes; David took responsibility on himself. 

• Saul misunderstood the consequences; David knew he had gotten what he deserved. 

• Saul's regret resulted in disobedience; David's sincerity led to humble service. 

• Saul's life ended in shame and tragedy; David's ended with glory and honor to God.

In the New Testament, we see Judas betray Jesus, and Peter deny Jesus. Yet their responses to these failures were completely different. Judas has a change of mind, while Peter had a change of heart. Judas regretted what he had done and went out and hanged himself. Peter repented from what he had done and lived the rest of his life in passionate obedience to God. 

"Everything necessary." Whatever it takes. 

If you are humbled and broken by your sin, not making excuses or blaming others for what you have done - if you accept the consequences and are not angry with those disciplining you - if you are willing to do whatever it takes to be restored, and if there is long-term change in your thinking and behavior...then your repentance is real. You're back on track. 

But if you confess only so you can feel better and look better - if you are angry about the consequences - if you don't think you'd have done anything differently if you could go back and do it over, and if you make no changes to keep from doing it again in the future, then your repentance is not real. Regret and tears don't mean repentance; change does. 

And to show you mean business, make some bold changes. Be willing to change unhealthy relationships, rearrange your routines, and throw out stumbling blocks. Set up better boundaries. Stronger accountability. Stay in close fellowship with God, who loves you and wants to fill you and lead you. 

This is a great overview that should help you determine if you or someone you love is truly repentant. There's a lot to sort out after betrayal. True repentance and God's grace are two key ingredients to restoration and redemption.

Ephesians 3:20-21 (NASB)

²⁰ Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, ²¹ to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations ^[a]forever and ever. Amen.

Exert from book taken from:
Kendrick,  Stephen and Alex, Resolution for Men, Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing, 2011.